it always bothers me - Page 2

[scottishmommy]

i heard one of the worst "conventional" birth stories the other day. a woman i know had a planned repeat c-section. they cut too far and sliced her babies eyelid. they told her it was because her uterus was so thin from the last section scar, and if she hadn't had a section she surely would have ruptured. luckily her baby's eye is fine. could you imagine if they had pressed a little hard with the scalpel? her baby could have lost an eye! the most shocking thing about the story was that she was glad she choose the repeat section, because she would have ruptured. umm yeah....

[cappuccinosmom]

I find a lot of stories sad and frustrating. "Birth shows" make me

I see and hear women suffering, and it bugs me. I watch those women writhing and gritting their teeth on Pit contractions, on their back in bed, and it makes me so angry at the doctors. Let her up! Let her take a shower or climb in the tub! Let her try different positions for pushing! Stop being condescending and pitying! For heaven's sake, give her a chance before telling her she's got an inadequate uterus and performing major surgery on her!

Yet, I can't say anything to someone personally, because it's viewed as me trying to be "superior" or me being "pie in the sky" about birth.

[kjenkins55]

I spent from 28 weeks on ( when I was diagnosed with PIH) reading these boards and freaking out about how bad my hospital experience was going to be...how awful the nurses would be, about how I'd probably wind up with a section, etc.

And, while I won't argue that our system is greatly flawed, because it truly is- but I had a great experience that I'm thankful for every single day. There are practitioners out there who while they mostly ascribe to the medical model, do really try to help moms have the birth experience they want. My CNM was fantastic, and warned me of all of the possible complications ( which I knew anyway, as soon as I got the diagnosis I was all over the internet researching)..but she knew I'd originally been hoping for a water birth. Many obs would have induced with how my pressure was running but we waited it out and I went in 2, sometimes 3x a week at the end..many times she'd say lets just wait another day or two, see what happens. It ended up my membranes started to rupture and I went into labor on my own!

So, yes, I had an internal monitor, and yes I had pit. It sucked. But my beautiful daughter was born without complication after 5 pushes, with the help of a great midwife and several Labor nurses who worked very hard to help her descend after she got stuck, all to avoid a c-section. My pressure ( thankfully) didn't spike higher, I was up and moving and feeling fantastic mere hours later. Thankfully I can say that not all L/D nurses and ob practitioners are racing to schedule births, and rush to sections at the first sign of anything abnormal.

Sometimes our ' system' works, when used correctly..as 'intervention only if needed'.

[Lauren31]

I get soooo when I read facebook status updates like, "ooooh the doctor might induce me at 37 weeks! I want this baby out of me already!" ummm... you are still 3 weeks EARLY! or the ones where women say "Just hooked up my epidural, now it's time to have a BABY!" ugh. I don't care... All the ones that are about natural child birth automatically has people spouting about how the women is crazy for wanting that and how ridiculous she is putting her down for her decision. It just makes me scratch my head that natural is now the alternative to Childbirth.

[tessie]

Originally Posted by Lauren31

All the ones that are about natural child birth automatically has people spouting about how the women is crazy for wanting that and how ridiculous she is putting her down for her decision.

But it goes both ways. If natural works for you, then that's great. But natural doesn't work for everyone. And some women don't want, or can't have, natural. Using pain relief doesn't automatically make you an uneducated, natural birth hating, fool.

But I agree that inducing at 37 weeks for 'tired of being pregnant' alone is ridiculous.

[emnic77]

Originally Posted by Lauren31

I get soooo when I read facebook status updates like, "ooooh the doctor might induce me at 37 weeks! I want this baby out of me already!" ummm... you are still 3 weeks EARLY!

Yes. I've seen a lot of these this year. "The doctor isn't going to let me go past 37 weeks because he says the baby's too big already!" and the like. I have to sit on my hands.

[craft_media_hero]

I'm totally with you ladies. It's hard to bite your tongue when you want to say something . . . a fine line to walk between letting women find their own way and being an advocate for women and babies.

One of my best friends recently had a baby in Wyoming, where she was pressured to induce at 37 weeks--the baby had not yet turned. She wanted a natural birth; they basically forced her into taking the spinal tap, saying "you won't be able to do it without this", then the doc used FORCEPS to pull her poor little breech boy out. I was sooooo mad. But all I could say was, "I'm glad you're both healthy and recovering well". I felt like if she had been here with me through the pregnancy and I could've been a birth advocate for her, things would've gone differently. But she didn't have anyone there to fight for her, and didn't even know that anything else was a possibility.

And it's so hard to try and stand up for what you want when you're in the hospital, esp as a first time mom, in frickin contractions, and having to FIGHT the staff from the IV, the epi, the fetal monitors, being forced to lay on your back---this was my experience, and I was only at the hospital 30 mins! I did have my natural birth, and I did refuse the monitors/laying on my back. But having to scream NOOO! to these nurses who were looking down their noses at me was REALLY hard. I can only imagine that had I gone in when I first started contractions, how much harder it would've been and how they would have degraded and pressured me the whole time . . .

It's very sad. That is why I am TERRIFIED (I'll admit it, I'm scared) of having to go to the hospital with this one. I just want them to leave me the eff alone!!! I seriously would rather have my baby in our bathtub at home than have to stress out about fighting the docs and nurses at the hosp. I have the feeling that whether we find a hb midwife or not, I'll be staying home as long as possible, meaning that I'd UC before I would choose to go to the hospital for a mainstream birth.

I am praying, just let this go well. Let us be healthy and able to birth at home. Let us pass by all of these horrible, unnecessary complications. Let us reclaim our births.

[poetesss]

Originally Posted by tessie

But it goes both ways. If natural works for you, then that's great. But natural doesn't work for everyone. And some women don't want, or can't have, natural. Using pain relief doesn't automatically make you an uneducated, natural birth hating, fool.

But I agree that inducing at 37 weeks for 'tired of being pregnant' alone is ridiculous.

My main point of the OP was in regards to women being pushed around in childbirth, not pain relief. That's a whole 'nother issue, I know moms who had the birth tubs, had all the support, moving, counterpressure, etc., and still got an epi at some point. Point is that they were not pushed into interventions.

Our own family birth just turned out great, luckily there was a super LDN nurse who believed in the mama and helped turn her OP baby (don't OB's give a crap about trying to do that?) so that she could actually finish dilating and then push the baby out. Otherwise the OR was prepped and ready. If someone in a hospital with a bad OB is lucky to have good LDN nurses, it can be a complete game-changer.

[poetesss]

Originally Posted by craft_media_hero

I am praying, just let this go well. Let us be healthy and able to birth at home. Let us pass by all of these horrible, unnecessary complications. Let us reclaim our births.

WORD.

I'm so sorry that you feel stretched and stuck having to worry about a bad hospital experience--I really hope that you are able to make some arrangement in advance for a birth in a place and with a provider you feel comfortable with. No mama should have to fight with anyone during one of the most sacred moments of her life.

[Lauren31]

Originally Posted by poetesss

My main point of the OP was in regards to women being pushed around in childbirth, not pain relief. That's a whole 'nother issue, I know moms who had the birth tubs, had all the support, moving, counterpressure, etc., and still got an epi at some point. Point is that they were not pushed into interventions..

oh this reminds me of a friend who was told at 8 weeks that her baby had died and she had a missed miscarriage after the tech could not find the heart beat on the ultrasound. Her doctor did not even LOOK at the u/s and adviced a D and C. Well... turns out the tech did not know where to look and the woman had a tipped uterus. She declined the D/C and begged the doc for another u/s bc she swore she was still pregnant. Turns out she was and baby was hiding. THEN she let the same hospital talk her into an induced c-section at 38 weeks because her baby was going to be "too big" at 9 lbs 4 oz and low and behold baby comes out about 7 lbs something... right.

[*MamaJen*]

It bothers me hugely. And I talk about it a lot.

[Bluegoat]

I worry about this but it is sooo hard to talk to people about it, especially first time moms. My cousin is expecting, and she has absolutely no clue. I try to give her some tips/affirmations here and there, but I don't want to impose my experiences or preferences on her, or be a know-it-all.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Mama~Love

And don't get me started on the vain mothers who have a C/S just to get a tummy tuck at the same time, or because it might ruin their sex lives to have a vaginal birth. To put your sex life ahead of your baby's well-being is very selfish!

Also stupid. After my third c/s, I couldn't feel my clitoris for months. If anyone thinks that was beneficial for my sex life, they're off their rockers. For that matter, the fact that most the left side of my abdomen is now numb (and it's starting to look permanent) and I have all kinds of weird phantom pains and numb spots through my lower abdomen and pelvis isn't doing a lot for my sex life, either.

[member234098]

I am sorry, Storm Bride. I have read your posts and I know you did not want this.

Few women discuss the permanent damage from repeat surgeries as elective caesareans, and I am always learning.

Adhesions, numbness, fallen organs are real things that women do not imagine.

[jeannineb]

Originally Posted by Lauren31

c-section at 38 weeks because her baby was going to be "too big" at 9 lbs 4 oz and low and behold baby comes out about 7 lbs something... right.

This exact thing happend to someone I know and she is allowing it to happen AGAIN with baby #2, tomorrow as a matter of fact.

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

they cut too far and sliced her babies eyelid. they told her it was because her uterus was so thin from the last section scar, and if she hadn't had a section she surely would have ruptured.

That gets my award for the most creative lie to get out of a lawsuit....

[elmh23]

I've gone from pretty judgemental about people doing things differently than I do, to not giving a damn as long as everyone is healthy at the end.

I do have a friend who's pelvis is to small to birth HER husband's babies. But he's 6'4" and built like a linebacker and she's maybe 5' even. Her babies were 12lbs even and 12lbs. 2oz, no GD, just big babies. Neither ever engaged because her pelvis is just to small for that size baby.

And after I almost bled to death at my home birth, I totally see why people wouldn't want to choose that! I'm pregnant again now and am choosing to be in the hospital where the happy blood products live

And not every hospital birth is "rough" or "in-humane." They're just different from what you would want and that's okay.

[carmel23]

Maybe it depends on where you live and the hospitals attitude towards birth? I've had 3 great hospital births that were drug-free and I never felt like I was pushed around.

I'm going to have another one here any day now, and am very comfortable with the hospital staff and my birth plan.

I've known people who have had elective C/S and although this seems crazy to me, it is their choice...

[WindyCityMom]

I totally agree with the OP. I'm part of another birth club and they're pretty mainstream (not all mommies, but alot of them). During the end of pregnancy I've tended to shy away from them and only really offer helpful advice to the ones that would like it. Some say "well I trust my doctor" and that makes me sick. IMO the root of trust should be with your own body and birth attendants should you choose to have them.

I'm 19 years old. I have a fellow 19yr old cousin who had her baby boy via ceserean on Thanksgiving. Why? Induction before her due date because she was "done". Pit induction- her cervix was not ripe at all as she wasn't even at her due date and she's a FTM with no pre-birth prep. No excercises, she hadn't ever heard of a birth ball, etc. Her labor "stalled" after they had broken her waters and they sectioned her because she wasn't on their schedule.


Today MIL and I were talking and she asked me why I went with midwives this time around for my prenatal care (she doesn't know I'm UCing yet though). I explained it to her and she told me about how her mother (who had MIL at home with a midwife in Mexico) thinks that natural birth and midwives in the US are silly because we have access to all of these wonderful hospitals that do all of the work for you. Um.. I really had no comment on that, I think I'd have went off.

[aims1029]

Originally Posted by Serenyd

Esp when it's something stupid, like a c-section for a first-time mom because her baby is going to be "huge" and when it's born it's only 7 or 8 lbs.... those really bother me.

This was me with DD. I was induced at 39 weeks because she was going to be HUGE. She was 7 lbs 4 oz. When I was pregnant with her I educated myself on breastfeeding, diapering, circ, etc. but for some reason I left out the actual birth. I didn't become a birth junkie until after DD was born. I wish that someone would have taken me aside and educated me while I was still pregnant with her, even if it might have offended me at the time.

My mom sees my OB all the time because she is a post-op nurse and takes care of his hysterectomies and other surgical patients. They talk a lot and it drives him crazy that I am "endangering" my baby by having a home birth this time around. My mom has been standing up to him and some OB nurses about my decision and has quoted some studies about the safety of home birth . He finally admitted to her that there is a 99% chance that everything will be fine but he is afraid of the 1%.