afraid of the pushing stage

[Solose]

I feel kind of silly posting about this, but how much does unmedicated labor hurt?

This is my second time being pregnant. The first time I gave birth in a fairly progressive hospital, I didn't have any interventions except for an epidural, which I asked for. My labor was pretty average, about 10 hours from the start of active labor to the pushing stage and around 20-30 minutes of pushing. I got the epidural when I was about 6 cm dilated. I had intended to go all natural but as it was my first time I felt so freaked out by how painful it was I lost my cool. Once I was told the anesthesiologist was on her way I relaxed and the contractions became bearable and I thought " hey I can do this, it's not so bad." But by that time she had already arrived and was prepping me so I just went with it. Once I got the epi the pain went away but I became incredibly uncomfortable. I was very itchy and nauseous and once I wasnt in pain anymore I realized just how hungry and thirsty I was but of course I couldn't have any food. Also, at the pushing stage, the doctor wasn't really clear about when I should push (I couldn't feel teh contractions because of the epi) and I just pushed as hard as I could the whole time. The baby came out very quickly but I had a terrible tear and wanted to cry every time I had to go to the bathroom afterward . So all in all, I wouldn't say my first birth was bad, but I believe things could have been better without the epi and my recovery could have been faster. This will also be my last baby most likely and I would just really like to experience birth without drugs.

This time I am planning on going without pain relief but so scared that I won't be able to do it or it will hurt so badly I won't be able to enjoy my baby afterward. I think I can make it through the active labor and maybe transition, since I already made it almost that far last time, but I am afraid of the pushing stage. I have a good doc I trust this time who is very supportive of my wish to go natural, but I just have this feeling sometimes that it will be unbearable.

i guess I just need some support for how I can do it, and some insight as to what pushing without an epi will feel like, and just general insight as to how I can get through this. I have been reading up on different techniques, and if you can recomend any books or websites that deal specifically with the pain of the pushing stage, that would be great. So please tell me, what does feel like? Is it sort of like the pain of being really constipated? (this is teh only comparison I can think of) I jsut cannot imagine something ripping me in half for 30 minutes or possibly more and being able to handle it. Please don't sugar-coat things for me, I want to be prepared for the pain so I am not taken by surprise like last time.

[Carlin]

s You CAN do it. This is going to be short as I have a baby sleeping on my arm, but I wanted to share my experience, for what it's worth.

I was induced at 41+2 weeks after over 36 hrs with ruptured membranes, mec in the water and GBS+, so it wasn't exactly the home birth I'd prepared for. My labour was about 14 hours long with about 2 1/2 hours of pushing.

For me pushing was far less painful then not pushing. I had a cervical lip and got stuck in transition for a while and had to not push. That was the worst part, however, I think think being induced was a big part of it. Once I was actually pushing I found the pressure in my bottom was the most uncomfortable part. And it took awhile to find a position that worked well for me, but once I did the pain was far more tolerable than prior to pushing. Once my baby was crowning I actually felt considerable relief because the pressure was so much less. I had a small tear (3 stitches) but I didn't even feel it.

There is a strong connection between Fear-Tension-Pain, as you discovered last time, so I think it's great you are working through this now. If you are relaxed, move around, eat and drink, take advantage of the shower or other facilities you'll probably find the pain much less. Also, have you considered having a Doula? I think they are invaluable for a hospital birth.

Anyways, sending you good birthing vibes! Your body knows how to do this, so in a lot of ways you just need to get out of your own way and let it!

[scottishmommy]

i found that pushing was scary, but not particularly painful. you may want to look into hiring a doula. she can help you overcome the fear. you can do it mama!

[Cheshire]

I've had two epidurals and hated them both. First was with a natural labor and it had worn off by the time to push so I could feel (I had it for a total of about three hours). The second was with an induction after 12 hours on pitocin. Right as I was getting the epi everything went wrong and our second son died shortly after his birth (the reason was something that should have been diagnosed during my pregnancy and his death would have been avoided). The person who did the epi pushed a whole syringe full of the medication into my back and I was yelling at him to stop, that I was already pushing and didn't need it. I was shaking and completely numb for many hours later. It was really awful.

My third labor went very fast and no epi. Here's the story:

I woke up around 2am with contractions, went to the living room and slept between them until about 5am. DH woke up and got ready. We called my parents to come pick up our son and we left our house at 7:40 am. Our daughter was born at 8:13 am.

I was able to move around through the contractions. By the time they started getting close if I had been at a hospital I might have been tempted to ask for an epi. I remember feeling nauseous and wanting a break between then to catch my breath.

To tell you the truth I don't remember every detail like I wish I could, I think it was because of the pain. My DH told me it took me five minutes to get my seat belt fastened in the car. I listened to my hypnobabies the whole time. It didn't do much for the pain but it helped me focus.

Once at the hospital we parked in valet parking and getting from valet to the L&D was rough. There was a wheel chair and someone to push me but it was quite a distance over. The L&D nurses made us go to observation first. I was able to change into the gown somehow (with a lot of DH's help, all I could do was stand with my hands on my knees and by now the contractions were one on top of the next). As soon as I changed my body beared down and my water broke. It was really cool! I remember thinking "wow, that's a relief" for a split second and then the next contraction hit and I thought "oh, here we go again." The observation nurse wanted to check me but I couldn't move so she had to do it with me standing up. She just about freaked out when she felt my daughter's head and told me I had to get on the bed or in a wheel chair because I didn't want to have the baby there.

I crawled onto the edge of the bed and held onto the railing and she and another nurse ran me down to L&D. As we ran by the L&D nurses station the charge nurse had to yell at them which room to take me to. I just remember holding onto the railing and moaning through my contractions.

DH said there were two maintenance guys in the room trying to fix the door on the overhead light. The nurses kicked them out and then told DH he needed to help get me onto the bed. The midwife on duty came running in and they introduced her. As all this was going on I crawled over to the L&D bed, rolled onto my back, pulled up my knees and started pushing. I didn't really have an urge to push I just wanted it over. The midwife didn't even have all of her gear on. I remember the midwife stretching me and I told her to stop (she did, she said she was just checking the baby's position). I remember feeling the ring of fire for the first time and asking if my baby was crowning (I think I said something more like "she better be crowning"). I remember saying how much it hurt and the midwife agreeing with me. My OB later told me that the midwife has had three homebirths herself so she would know. I pushed all of three times and my daughter was born. I barely tore. I did not stop for any stretching, the pain was overwhelming and I just wanted her out. She was our runt at 8lbs 14oz. (our first was 10lbs 11oz and our second was 9lbs 14oz). She was also born at 37w1d. Our first was 40w5d and our second was right at 40 weeks.

My OB came rushing in just after she was born. DH calls our daughter rocket. He said he was in complete awe of the whole thing and was really proud of how I'd done. He said he knew I was tough before but now he knows it even more. He's a sweety.

So, I won't sugarcoat it. The pain was bad and I was in a fog because of it. But, as soon as she was born I felt fantastic. I was ready to go home. I didn't feel awful like I did after my first two births. My recovery was fine (I'm sure that had something to do with it being the third time as well).

You can do it. I remember telling myself I must be in transition when I was standing over the kitchen sink waiting to see if I was going to throw up and feeling like I couldn't do it anymore. I probably would have asked for an epi then if I had been in the hospital (I've thought about it and I think it would have depended on the support I would have received had we already been at the hospital). But, it went the way it went and I didn't have the choice. I think it was just right and I'm grateful that it was unmedicated.

Best wishes and trust your instincts.

[berrymama]

I think you will find that a lot of women find pushing to be a sort of relief. You are finally able to DO something proactive, instead of just concentrating on relaxing and getting through contractions. Usually your body just kind of takes over and though you feel a lot of pressure as the baby moves down, it is not the same kind of pain as breathing through contraction after contraction.

[tinybutterfly]

Originally Posted by berrymama

I think you will find that a lot of women find pushing to be a sort of relief. You are finally able to DO something proactive, instead of just concentrating on relaxing and getting through contractions. Usually your body just kind of takes over and though you feel a lot of pressure as the baby moves down, it is not the same kind of pain as breathing through contraction after contraction.

This. My second birth was a VBAC and pushing was a relief.



ETA-Pushing was a relief with my first birth...I just couldn't push him out, so ended up with a C-section.

[Solose]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, keep them coming!

I would hire a doula but we just don't have the money right now. I know there are some who work for a reduced fee or for free but my feeling is that I would rather have no doula than an inexperienced one who might possibly make things worse. Plus I just don't really feel comfortable with hiring a person for moral support, I feel like she would just make me more nervous. My dh was pretty good the last time at being the support person so I'd rather just have only him there.

Talk to me more about the ring of fire. Can you describe what it feels like? What would you compare it to in terms of how intense and painful it is? How long does it last? Someone said it was scary for them, why is that? Thanks. I feel like if I can just imagine the pain ahead of time then I can go through it.

And Cheshire, I am so sorry for the loss you had. I can't imagine going through all that and then losing your child. thank you for the honest descriptions though, it really helps. Before my first birth, all I kept hearing from people who birthed naturally was how amazing and orgasmic labor was and when it didn't turn out like that for me it made me want to quit.

[scottishmommy]

i didn't experience "the ring of fire". i felt stretching, but not burning. the truth is that by the time you start to push, you can't get drugs anyway! i know cause i asked for them, lol. your last baby only took 20 mins with an epidural so i bet this one will take even less time than that. then it'll be over and you'll have your baby.

[scottishmommy]

the part that was scary for me was in between getting to 10 and starting to push. i don't know why, but i had a panicky feeling. then i stared to push and i felt a lot better.

[aerobrandi]

I just gave birth to my son, first time mom, a little over two weeks ago and I did it naturally, 20 hour labor, 1 1/2 hours of pushing, and that included the doctor having to pull the cervical lip off his head and his shoulder getting stuck on the way out, among other things. Honestly, the hardest part for me was transition (and the doctor pulling the cervix off) and I found vocalizing through it helped. I could tell I was in transition because the whole breathing through it just wasn't cutting it anymore! I mean don't get me wrong, it was intense and my contractions were right on top of each other for quite some time, but I just kept looking forward to the pushing stage.

I didn't really experience the ring of fire at all, just the stretching, and some of that was the doctor pulling on me to try and get him out. When I got to the pushing stage it was a relief to me because the contractions weren't as intense, and pushing sort of helped with that. And it was just what my body wanted to do. The doctor wasn't there yet and they kept telling me to wait but I got to a point that my body was just doing it on its own. Really the only thing about pushing was that by that point I had been up for a long time and I was just exhausted. I would feel the next contraction coming on and think "no, I want to rest some more!"

We didn't have a doula, just my hubby and one really awesome nurse. When the contractions got the worst they would be right there with me talking me through it. But it definitely can be done. We read up on the Bradley method and everything else but honestly I just needed to find what worked for me in the moment.

[GoldmanBaby09]

Originally Posted by Solose

I know there are some who work for a reduced fee or for free but my feeling is that I would rather have no doula than an inexperienced one who might possibly make things worse. Plus I just don't really feel comfortable with hiring a person for moral support, I feel like she would just make me more nervous.

Honestly, you might want to look into this more. I don't really see how a doula could make it worse, and of course it would be someone you would want to interview and feel comfortable with beforehand, just like a doctor or midwife. And even though I'm not a doula, I think my own natural birth experience could help me help another woman in labor, kwim? But having someone with you that can be in your corner and is solely focused on helping you can be very powerful. My DH was great, but he has never had a baby before and has no idea what it is like and L and D nurses are usually too busy to sit and hold your hand.

That said, pushing sucked for me. I was hoping I would be one of those huge relief people, and I wasn't. But I did have a very easy labor and my contractions were always manageable and I didn't even feel transition. I pushed for about 2.5 hours, though the first half hour I really wasn't pushing hard enough. I didn't realize how much of your butt muscles would be involved (yeah, it kinda did feel like pushing out the biggest poo of your life!). The ring of fire hurt, a burning that isn't really like any other experience. But it only lasts for a minute and then your babe is OUT! And then you don't care. All the pain is gone and a huge wave of euphoria washes over you.

I also suggest looking into the fear-tension-pain model and Hypnobirthing really helped me with that. If you think it will be excruciating, it probably will be. I would also suggest not focusing so much on the pain aspect of labor. I found it was much easier if I focused just on the contraction or push at hand, and not thinking about the whole series of sensations. It is far more manageable if you break it down into small pieces and try and let go of the rest. Good luck, Mama!

[Marlet]

With my first I transferred in for pain killer and she was born within 1 hour of getting admitted (that's how close I was to being done). The pain with her was due to her position. According to my medical records I pushed for 20 minutes with her. I experienced a drug overdose and was unconcious during pushing which is why it took so "long".

With my second, labour was such a drastically better experience. Her position was better and it made such a big difference that any pain I did have (which I admit was minimal) was easy to brush aside. Pushing with her was only a couple minutes and took away the pain of contractions. She was a water birth so I didn't feel any burning from her crowning. During labour pushing during contractions was uncomfortable. I was tired and ready to be done and it was just the motivation of getting to nap that made me push through one or two to get my body on board and realize what was going on. Once my water broke DD2 was born within 3 pushes. Even though pushing was nice and mellow with her I had "skidmarks".

With this last birth contractions were in a different spot. They weren't anymore painful than with DD2's labour, just different. It felt better to push on top of the contractions during labour and I did for about 3ish hours. Pushing with her was tough in a different sort of way. I had to focus to get enough force behind pushing to break her water. I gave up and broke it by pinching it. That brought her down enough to be able to push her. Before it broke it was as if her water was stopping me from being able to bear down all the way on her body. I felt more while pushing with her than I did my other two. She was my smallest baby with the smallest head circ. and she felt like the largest (DD2 was). I did feel "the ring of fire" with her. I pushed through it. I only felt that (not really a stinging or a pressure/stretching) if I wasn't pushing so I made sure to cup her head and not push as fast but also not stop. Once her head was out it was pretty uncomfortable having her body in. I decided to push without waiting for her shoulders/body to rotate. That was also uncomfortable. I guess you could say that one was comprable to the pressure of pooping. I was just full to the max so to speak and that's what made it uncomfortable. Once her shoulders were out though the weird fullness was gone (obviously ). Despite my forced/fast pushing I did not tear or get 'skidmarks" with her at all.

I think it helps I had such a crappy experience with DD1's birth. Anything now is better by default.

[seaheroine]

Originally Posted by berrymama

I think you will find that a lot of women find pushing to be a sort of relief. You are finally able to DO something proactive, instead of just concentrating on relaxing and getting through contractions. Usually your body just kind of takes over and though you feel a lot of pressure as the baby moves down, it is not the same kind of pain as breathing through contraction after contraction.

I agree too. Pushing was much, much easier than labor. Right before I started, in the last throes of transition, I had a huge, nauseating endorphin rush and after that felt nothing. "Buzz" for a contraction...but no pain, no ring of fire, didn't feel myself tear. In fact, pushing was almost pleasant. You CAN do it and might be surprised overall!

[AfricanQueen99]

Originally Posted by Solose

Talk to me more about the ring of fire. Can you describe what it feels like? What would you compare it to in terms of how intense and painful it is? How long does it last? Someone said it was scary for them, why is that? Thanks. I feel like if I can just imagine the pain ahead of time then I can go through it.

I just didn't plan for the ring of fire so it threw me for a loop and had to be reminded by the nurse that it was a *good* pain. For me it felt like when I turn on the hot water to wash my hands and it gets hotter faster than I anticipate and I pull back. You know that feeling? It just registers and you do something quickly. Anyway, it was only there for a few minutes while my daughter's head was stretching me.

I didn't mind pushing at all...it beat the hell out of puking during transition.

[etsdtm99]

i've had 2 hospital births, with pit. and epidurals.. (yeah, not the plan :P) the first time, the epidural worked- i didn't feel anything, but i did get shaky and very uncomfortable, but it beat the labor pain - the 2nd time, the epidural didn't work .. it successfully numbed my LEGS, but not my belly/or 'down there' .. plus my bloodpressure dropped dramatically right after the epidural and i was seconds away from being rushed down the hall for an emergency c-section when that was resolved (not sure on the details because my bp was so low i was kind of out of it).. now THAT was scary.. any amount of pain would be better than going through that again.. anyway - with the epidural that didn't work, labor was horrible, ebcause i coudln't move my legs .. but once it was time to push it was heaven.. seriously amazing.. i loved every second of my 2 hours of pushing.. i could feel my contractions and pushed when i needed to .. i could feel the baby coming down and everything.. it was so different than my first birth where i was just watching the monitor to know whne to push.. obviously, things would have been much better without the epidural and i will absolutely never get one again unless i need a c-section or something, i can not risk going through that again.. (planning a homebirth next time so i won't have the option and so i can stay far far away from pitocin..)

oh, and the ring of fire was scary for me, it felt like i was going to tear toward the front, which freaked me out..otherwise, it wasn't a very intense pain for me.. my baby had a large head though.. (15 in) so i don't know how normal that tearing feeling was.. (i ended up with an tiny episiotomy to direct the tear on the scar tissue, had just a couple stitches and was back to normal in a week or so.. )

[SeekingJoy]

You have already lived through incredible pain from a healing tear. I found labor -- including pushing -- to not be as painful as healing from a tear.

[Asparagus78]

I had 2 natural childbirths, and found the pushing stage quite easy in comparison to the ctx. I never felt the "ring of fire" either. It was just pressure, and very manageable. Good luck mama!

[katelove]

It might be worth trying some perineal massage to get used to the feelings of stretching. Obviously it's not going to be exactly the same sensations as when the baby is crowning but it will give you an idea.

[elisent]

My first birth was very similar to yours and I've done 2 unmedicated since then. It's better when you can push because you can do something actively, and for me the contractions didn't hurt when I could push. It felt like the baby was coming out of my butt which I didn't like. The hardest part was the push right before the one where the baby came out. The head actually coming out was a relief.

[nia82]

I found pushing less painful than contractions. I had vicious back labor though and spent most of the time on all fours with head/chest on the birthing ball - mw thought he was posterior. I would definitely give my labor a 10 on the pain scale, but pushing a 3. I pushed for 2.5 hours before he was born, and I just thought it was exhausting, like a marathon, but not particularly painful.
You can enjoy baby no matter what, cause as soon as he/she is pushed out, you're done - I had no pains afterward. I had a lidocaine shot for the repair of the tear and I found pushing my stomach every 2 hours horrible, but that's it (I had no idea of postpartum stuff back then!).