Reconsidering Santa. Input please.

[MayBaby2007]

This will be dd's 3rd Christmas. We've done the santa-thing the past two years. She was really too young to understand (6 mos and 18 mos). This year she will be 2 1/2 and is really understanding things....which is why I'm reconsidering.

*I took her to see Santa. She is terrified. So.....someone she is terrified of is supposed to flood her with gifts?

*We are Christian--believe in God, Jesus, angels, heaven, hell, etc. Santa is not in the Bible. Really, if anyone were to "magically" place gifts under the tree it should be from "Jesus"....not some silly man in a red suit who my daughter is terrified of.

*I'm a single working mother. I have busted my butt to work extra shifts so I can provide an amazing Christmas for my daughter. Why should "santa" get all the credit?

I'm on the fence about this. I think "christmas magic" and the innocense of childhood is awesome. I could really get into the hype of santa--leaving cookies and a carrot out for him and reindeer, etc. But on the other hand I'm not feeling right about it.

She's only 2 1/2 so I can't get into too much detail with her but she does understand a lot. I could have her stocking from "santa" and maybe one other gift from "santa" and the rest from mommy. ?? I could tell her the story about Santa and play into it, but tell her it's pretend. She understands what "pretend" means. Is she too young to be told about Santa but that he is pretend----but still have fun with it?

I text my girlfriend about this tonight. She is not happy at all. Afaid my kid will tell her kid santa isn't real. GF lives for Christmas and all the childhood magic with it. I just have to go and be all different, lol.

Thoughts please? Compromises where everyone is happy?

[JL83]

We do the stocking (with unwrapped little gifts) is from Santa. All the wrapped presents are from real people. That's what I grew up with and I really like it. We haven't told her Santa is real, but she got that at daycare. We don't plan to lie to her if/when she asks.

Right now the stocking is kind of nice. It lets us give her things that we know she'll just love, but that we'd normally say no to, like a new DVD and some chocolate.

It might be regional, but growing up, most of the kids I knew got most of their presents from people and only small things from Santa.

[VisionaryMom]

Santa doesn't visit our house. I've personally never understood the idea that "Christmas magic" must equal Santa. You're still waking up to great presents that have been picked out just for you. I don't understand the idea that they're somehow better or more exciting because a fictional person brought them. I didn't believe in Santa as a child, and I have wonderful memories of Christmas, so it's worth considering if you're not comfortable with the idea whether it really adds to experience or whether your Christmas could be just as wonderful without it.

[eclipse]

We love doing Santa in our house. This year my 6 year old figured it all out, and spilled the beans to her OLDER brother, which I think is funny. They're keeping the game up for the 4 yo. For us, Santa is a lot of fun. That said, I don't think you will ruin your dd's innocence and take all the magic away from christmas if you decide not to do it.

You could also always be very clear with her that Santa is a game you are playing, and that you're pretending to be Santa for her to be fun. You could involve her and let her play Santa for you by leaving gifts for you from "Santa." You could, together, leave gifts for family and friends signed from Santa, etc.

[philomom]

I had santa issues growing up. I felt lied to and tricked and never really got over it. Trust was broken. If they lied about santa, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, where babies came from... wasn't their god made up, too? I left my parent's home and their church as soon as I was legal.

My kids do slostice. A no gifts party with friends and neighbors. We love the quiet time of the year without the rush and fuss. There's plenty of awe and wonder in life and nature without pretending/lying.

Also, the santa's lap creeps me out. All year long most parents tell their kids not to talk to strangers and what do you do at xmas time? You place your kids on a strange man's lap. Yeesh.

My friend's child was scared to death about santa being in his home while he was asleep. Terrified. They had to develop a ritual where santa leaves all the gifts on a covered porch. Their kid wouldn't let santa come otherwise.

[claras_mom]

Could do Stocking and one present from Santa. Credit where credit is due for the rest.

Another way of adding more "magic" with or w/out Santa visiting is to hold back gifts. Meaning, a few things get put under the tree when it goes up, but the rest comes out after the kids are in bed on Christmas Eve.

[karemore]

I wasn't planning to do santa with my kids. As a christian I want her to believe what I tell her about God, and not think I'm making things up if I made up santa. I didn't want to lie to my child.

But I find it's very easy to let her believe what she wants to believe without promoting santa. I answer 90% of her questions with "what do you think". I don't get santa books from the library, we don't watch all the santa shows on tv.

We do 2 gifts from santa (not the best gifts either) and a stocking. Everything else comes from us, and other family and friends.

Once she starts asking if santa is real, I'll probably ask her what she thinks....

Santa is really a small part of the holiday for us, we focus on church, family, and friends.

I don't have the heart to spoil her magic. I've never said santa is real, and I won't insist he is when she's ready to stop believing.

I don't think it has to be such a big issue as so many are making it.

[sahmmie]

I've always told my kids that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy are make-believe, and that Jesus, the devil, heaven and hell, and angels are real. I don't want them to ask me one day, "Mommy, is Jesus real?" because I lied to them about Santa. They enjoy the holidays just as much as kids who do believe in Santa and the other made up beings. I love that they understand that Christmas is a celebration of Christ's birth and they understand that the gift giving is a reflection of the ultimate gift given to us by Jesus when he gave his life for us. I've never regretted telling my children from early on that Santa is not real.

[Artichokie]

I grew up without santa and so will my dd. My parents didn't think it appropriate to expect us to trust them and suspend belief to buy into both the Jesus and Santa stories and then turn around and tell us that one was true and one was a lie.

The Jesus miracle is magic enough for us.

[writteninkursive]

My parents (who are Christian though I am not) told us from day one that there was no Santa because (and I quote) "If you find out we lied to you about Santa, you won't believe us when we tell you about Jesus."

There was no psychological damage from not believing in Santa. They made it out be a big secret, and I always felt superior to the other kids because I knew something realllly important that they didn't know. Lol.

I'm on the fence about it too. But part of me doesn't want to lie to them about anything ever. (We're not one of those families that tells our kids they have a "pee wee" or a "hoo hah" to avoid awkwardness). And I don't know that I don't want to deal with the disappointment later. I lean toward no Santa, DF leans toward Santa. And I didn't ask bio-dad of my daughters what he's going to do. So who knows how it will turn out? I just might not make a thing out of it at all, never explain anything until they ask, and just let it flow.

[writteninkursive]

Originally Posted by philomom

I had santa issues growing up. I felt lied to and tricked and never really got over it. Trust was broken. If they lied about santa, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, where babies came from... wasn't their god made up, too? I left my parent's home and their church as soon as I was legal.

My kids do slostice. A no gifts party with friends and neighbors. We love the quiet time of the year without the rush and fuss. There's plenty of awe and wonder in life and nature without pretending/lying.

Also, the santa's lap creeps me out. All year long most parents tell their kids not to talk to strangers and what do you do at xmas time? You place your kids on a strange man's lap. Yeesh.

My friend's child was scared to death about santa being in his home while he was asleep. Terrified. They had to develop a ritual where santa leaves all the gifts on a covered porch. Their kid wouldn't let santa come otherwise.

Aye! I agree with everything you posted mama!

[daytripper75]

Santa brings one gift to our house, left unwrapped by the fireplace. Everything else is wrapped under the tree. But we totally do the stories and songs and Santa visits. There is middle ground on this.

[Straggletag]

Originally Posted by karemore

Once she starts asking if santa is real, I'll probably ask her what she thinks....

I think that's a lovely way of handling the situation, and many others besides.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by philomom

IAlso, the santa's lap creeps me out. All year long most parents tell their kids not to talk to strangers and what do you do at xmas time? You place your kids on a strange man's lap. Yeesh.

While I get what you're saying here, the reality is that many (maybe most? I don't know) parents spend all year telling their children not to talk to strangers...except of course you say "thank you" to the nice man who gave you the sucker, and "she's talking to you, sweetie - don't be rude", and "you're going off to kindergarten - I don't know your teacher, but I'm sure she's a nice lady", and...yeah...but don't talk to strangers. Honestly, I see Santa as a very minor blip on the radar compared to all the other contradictory messages kids get on this topic.

[treegardner]

I grew up with Santa and we will do Santa with our son. I never felt lied to, and I never made a Santa/Jesus connection. Also, in my family, my parents never stopped the Santa traditions simply because we grew up.

[Girlprof]

Originally Posted by treegardner

I grew up with Santa and we will do Santa with our son. I never felt lied to, and I never made a Santa/Jesus connection. Also, in my family, my parents never stopped the Santa traditions simply because we grew up.

Same here. Our 6 year old DS figured it out this year and then I think he was rather sad to have figured it out. My DH had major Santa issues and felt lied to so he wasnt up for a lot of pretending. I actually think the overwhelming majority of kids who believe in Santa manage to transition to non-belief/some other form of belief completely without trauma. However, those who do end up with Santa-trauma seem to also end up at MDC.

I would never tell a 2.5 year old there wasn't a Santa. I'm not sure a 2.5 year old is going to ask. If you decide against Santa, just don't have presents from him.

[snoopy5386]

We do Santa here. We are not Christian so Christmas for us is about Santa, not Jesus.
Case in point - we're part of a preschool co-op and this week we are talking about Christmas, there was an email sent out about Santa - to see what everyone is doing, not to offend anyone, etc. Well today another mom told the story of Baby Jesus and that made me really uncomfortable. It was the 1st time DD had ever heard that story and I wasn't expecting it, totally threw me for a loop.

Last year DD was 2.5 and terrified of the actual Santa (like at the mall). She still loved that he brought her presents however. This year she is 3.5 and she is SO EXCITED. And I love reading Santa books with her, watching all of the classic corny tv specials with her, etc. That along with baking cookies, making a gingerbread house, cutting down and decorating a tree, and buying/making gifts for friends and family is what Christmas is all about in our house. So Santa is not the be all end all of Christmas, but a big part of it. And it is fun!! So much fun! We not only do Santa - but we have an elf (stuffed) at our house too. Santa sent him from the North Pole to help DD learn about Christmas. Every night DD puts him in her stocking and he goes back to the North Pole to tell Santa what DD did/learned that day. He comes back in the night while we are all sleeping and does something silly - draws a picture of the christmas tree on DD's easel, builds a house out of her blocks, brings a little tree for her room, makes a mess in the kitchen, etc. He goes home with Santa on xmas eve. It is so much fun and she is so excited to see what he did each morning. On some level she gets he's not the one doing it - she says, Krumpet is a stuffed animal he can't do x,y, or z, but she has a blast with him anyways.

DH and I both have no repercussions about believing in Santa when we were little. DD knows that some of the gifts come from Santa and some from Mom and Dad. Next year when she's a bit older, we'll flesh it out a bit more - one or two gifts from Santa, maybe the stockings, maybe not.....

[kiwiva]

We're not doing Santa. I did grow up with it and wasn't traumatized but I just feel weird about lying about it, like it's a joke they're not in on. It bothers me. My cousins didn't have Santa and I asked them about it last year. They didn't think it was weird or anything and Christmas has always been great for them. And btw, we spent every Christmas with them and they never spoiled it for us.

I do enjoy all things Christmas and Santa so I refer to Santas or "a Santa" all the time when we see them. We also have a book about Christmas in different countries and talk about their person-Father Christmas or whoever. My plan is to treat it as a pretend game that people play.

Everyone we encounter asks DD if Santa is coming and stuff like that. She looks at them like she doesn't get it or says no. She hasn't asked me anything and I am not getting into any big discussions on my own about it as she is 3 and I don't want her to spoil it for her older cousins or others who do believe still. But yesterday she said something about Santa and I replied that Santa was pretend and she informed me in no uncertain terms "No Mama, Santa is real." So that is apparently her view on the matter. I'm not planning to fight her on it but I am also not promoting it in any way and all gifts will come from us.

[RoadBuddy]

We don't do Santa. My DS is 2.5 and honestly, it hasn't come up. He's just not interested. I plan to talk about Santa as a fun character who represents some good things about Christmas. DS doesn't get that yet, but he doesn't seem to care. It's just not a focus. He loves Christmas trees, carols, nativity scenes, and lights. It's a really neat way to look at Christmas - totally separated from Santa and gifts. I know it will change next year - he'll be more aware of the gift part - but this year is really cool. And if we can minimize the santa part in upcoming years, all the better.

I'd either skip Santa or come up with a compromise you're comfortable with. As for your friend, reassure her that you will make sure your DD understands not to "ruin it" for others. Probably not a concern this year, given the age, but something to discuss in the future

I never felt lied to as a kid, and I get the reasons some love doing Santa. My reasons are less around the lying, more around the materialism. If there's this magical guy who brings you whatever you want, how do you not focus on that part of Christmas? I know others manage just fine, but I grew up very into gifts and what I was getting, so I worry about helping DS focus on other aspects of Christmas. The Santa thing makes that a lot harder, IMO. I mean, DS will certainly get plenty of gifts, but the whole season won't be wrapped up in talking about a guy who's purpose is bringing kids stuff. Probably my own issue from a rather spoiled childhood talking, I know.

[sapphire_chan]

Well, as long as you don't end up like my neighbors, it's probably not that bad. That single mom worked extra hard to keep her dd believing that Santa brought all the gifts until her dd was like 15 and I unknowingly spilled the beans by telling her dd that her mom had kept the coat she got at my parents' house to keep it a surprise. Yes, that's right, she hid gifts at the neighbors to keep her dd from knowing there were presents around before Santa came.

I wouldn't have Jesus bring the presents either. If anything, she could make a nice little present for Jesus instead, it being the day that you folks celebrate his birthday and all.