My daughters are insane

[writteninkursive]

Okay... really. I find myself wondering a few times a day if they are bipolar!

Sophie will be 4 at Christmas. Maya is 2. We also have a 3-month-old boy. The girls are nuts. All day long, it's fighting, screaming, crying hysterically. They never have an explanation as to what is going on. Just sobbing.

We can deal with it during the day, but at NIGHT...

Lately there has been NO sleeping happening. They shared a room. Sophie decided she wanted to move out. We put her in a different room. She was happy there, except she had these stipulations suddenly (door open THIS far, bathroom light on, etc). Maya freaked out when Sophie moved out. So we went to set up the crib in the room Sophie was sleeping in for a couple of weeks so baby can sleep there. We put Sophie back in her bunkbed with Maya. Now it's just mass chaos all the time. Crying, fighting, screaming. Literally last night they were up from 12:30am - 3:45 am fighting and screaming. WTF is happening?

These two kids were previously very good sleepers. Now they are like zombies because they never get enough sleep. Maya actually passed out on the floor today, she was so tired. And I've NEVER seen her do that in my life. I'm about to go crazy and kick some butt!

WHAT CAN I DO???????

[Anastasiya]

How much one-on-one attention are they getting with you now that there's a new baby?

I was reading this wonderful book awhile back about people having "love tanks" that they need to keep full in order to cope. Children are especially needy in this area, and I've noticed it with my own kids. When the days become a chaotic mess of crying, fighting, whining, etc., it usually means one or all of the kids is needing some time to get filled back up. So I'll focus on them as individuals and make sure they are all getting what they need from me. It almost ALWAYS remedies the situation.

If I can find the excerpt I'll quote it and let you know what book it is. I just can't remember......

[writteninkursive]

Well that sounds helpful. We thought they just needed more attention and were going far far out of our way to be patient with them and play with them. And the same thing started happening worse. They just got more out of control at night and the fighting never ended at all.

I hate being a SAHM. I can NOT wait until school starts so I can get a break from this!!!!!!

[Anastasiya]

The Five Love Languages

Here's part of it: "Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among those emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection, the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted. ....When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty `love tank.'" ....Their misbehavior was a misguided search for the love they did not feel. They were seeking love in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways."

I noticed with the arrival of our youngest, 8 months ago, that all was blissful until he was about 3 months old. Maybe because he was so new and still so exciting for the kids? Then chaos started erupting around here. The kids were ALWAYS fighting, ALWAYS crying, ALWAYS having meltdowns over the littlest things. After I read that book and thought about it, it made sense, so I tried to implement the whole "filling the tank" thing.

I'd do extra cuddles in the morning with one of them, bake with another, do crafts with a third, and really give LOTS of eye contact and physical touch - touching their faces, heads, hands, whatever as I walked by. Smiling when they entered a room. Stopping to say I love you many times a day...Within a short amount of time everybody was better. I think they may have just forgotten that they were important to me too!


But you say you ARE giving them more patience and attention. Hmmmmm. I don't know then. Maybe they need more?

They certainly need more sleep!

I'm sorry life is so stinky for you right now.

[Anastasiya]

PS - When our son's sleep schedule gets all insane like that, we need to use melatonin for a few nights to get him back on track.

Would you ever consider that? That way at least they'd be getting more sleep and perhaps their moods would change, too.

[_betsy_]

Bundle everyone up first thing in the morning (or, more accurately, the time you WANT them to be awake) and go for a walk. It helps reset the body clock.

Go for a "calm energy" type of feel all day long. I know that with my 3 yo DD1, if I'm short on sleep and cranky and impatient, she's going to be a bear all day. And it's not just my perception of her behavior and attitude or my reaction to her. She's an empathic little thing and if I'm happy, she's happy. If I'm cranky, she's cranky.

For at least the next couple of days, I'd be examining everything they eat to make sure it's healthy, full of protein and has no dyes or preservatives or excess sugar. I'd be keeping the TV turned off and trying to engage them as much as possible with calm, quiet toys and activities - both things the girls can play together and things they can do separately.

I'd be giving them opportunities to do physical activities too, to wear them out AND to get the good endorphines (is that the right word?) flowing that exercise is known for.

And yes, making a point of connecting with each of them one on one throughout the day is a great idea, too.