My 3yo has been a handful recently. She's been hugely impulsive, a bit defiant, and all the usual goodies of the stage. That's been all right. DH and I have worked extra hard to childproof, to remain connected, to work on our anger and to keep it in perspective. The running joke is watching 3yo get into one thing after another is like a real life Keystone Kops clip with the Benny Hill theme playing. Just humming the theme when we feel things getting tense helps a ton.
But today, towards the evening when I start to feel blue, and we're running out of steam, it began to spiral out of control. She simply stopped hearing us and was getting wilder as she got further and furher overtired. Then she very nearly jumped on her 1mo sister's head while we were changing the baby's diaper. It wasn't deliberate, in fact she fell, but it could have been very bad and it was the result of more behavior we'd been failing all evening to dissuade her from.
Well, I scooped her up, put her in a cradle hold I learned from martial arts, and held her as she squalled, speaking calmly and firmly to her until she finally heard me. She's now minding us. I'm not sure how I feel about it, except that my arms are sore. First, I'm certain that I held her in such a way that I could not have physically hurt her, I simply immobilized her (mostly prevented her from hitting, kicking, biting, and head butting me). She did scream that I was hurting her, but she does that when placed in a seat, having her hand held, having clothes put on, etc, and she also claimed a little while before that I'd hit the baby, so I'm guessing it's either not understanding what the words mean or a fib. Second, I kept my head and explained myself carefully, she seemed to understand. When she had calmed down, she got the hug and then the nursing that she'd wanted, and we laid some ground rules. So far, so good, but she is tired both from it being late and from being held.
I need feedback to process what went down. What have I taught her? Did I harm our relationship? I am all right with what I did from my usual "all bets are off if someone is in danger" rule, but want a long range perspective. Thanks in advance!
But today, towards the evening when I start to feel blue, and we're running out of steam, it began to spiral out of control. She simply stopped hearing us and was getting wilder as she got further and furher overtired. Then she very nearly jumped on her 1mo sister's head while we were changing the baby's diaper. It wasn't deliberate, in fact she fell, but it could have been very bad and it was the result of more behavior we'd been failing all evening to dissuade her from.
Well, I scooped her up, put her in a cradle hold I learned from martial arts, and held her as she squalled, speaking calmly and firmly to her until she finally heard me. She's now minding us. I'm not sure how I feel about it, except that my arms are sore. First, I'm certain that I held her in such a way that I could not have physically hurt her, I simply immobilized her (mostly prevented her from hitting, kicking, biting, and head butting me). She did scream that I was hurting her, but she does that when placed in a seat, having her hand held, having clothes put on, etc, and she also claimed a little while before that I'd hit the baby, so I'm guessing it's either not understanding what the words mean or a fib. Second, I kept my head and explained myself carefully, she seemed to understand. When she had calmed down, she got the hug and then the nursing that she'd wanted, and we laid some ground rules. So far, so good, but she is tired both from it being late and from being held.
I need feedback to process what went down. What have I taught her? Did I harm our relationship? I am all right with what I did from my usual "all bets are off if someone is in danger" rule, but want a long range perspective. Thanks in advance!
Sometimes that doesn't look like rainbows and kittens, y'know?
