post #21 of 30
12/11/09 at 3:17pm
Thank you ladies-- I appreciate the feedback as well on talking about the trauma. I have been processing it with several people.
I don't regret anything, but the end was really traumatic and so scary with 2 solid hours of pushing and a team of people standing there at the end watching the whole thing (while I was on my back, which was the last place I thought I would actually birth him--- but they made me do it at the end....) in place to take the baby, or-- worse yet-- to drag me for a section at the last minute after everything.
Once he was out, everyone took off and his scores were wonderful and he was pink and perfect--- so in the moment, of course all the trauma went away. However, that night when I tried to sleep I started having serious nightmares. And of course, the nightmares got worse as time (and several days of no sleep, went on).
Today is the first day that I didn't have flashbacks when I closed my eyes to try to rest-- and I actually got about 6 hours of good sleep in the last 24 hours which was really good.
So, I am feeling hopeful- and plan to keep an "eye on myself" to watch for the trauma manifesting in other ways....I am hopeful that I am processing it now.
Baby to all-- and thank you all again so much.
I will post pics soon...