WDYD about 18 month olds and dangerous behavior

[mrsfrenchy]

Normally when it comes to dangerous behaviors (like climbing on certain pieces of furniture) I would just remove the furniture or making sure it was secured, but this is an issue that has me stumped.

17 month old DD has discovered that she can climb on the gate at the top of the stairs. Now I don't think (almost positive actually) that she can get over it. My fear is that by standing on the gate and then shaking/wiggling it, it has the potential to break and then she would go down the stairs. I'm considering looking for a different gate, but most i've seen are designed similarly.

I really don't know how to teach DD that she just cannot do this. Spanking and lots of yelling are the only things that come to mind (and would only be effective because they scared the s*** out of her) and that's not exactly within my parenting philosophy. I just don't know how to get an 18 month old to understand that something is serious or dangerous--and i especially don't know how to do that while not spanking, etc.

At the moment, I immediately go and remove her from the gate (I don't start off with "Ali, lets go read books instead", etc. the way I do with other minor stuff, like playing in a cabinet that I don't want her to play in) and I'm very stern when I say 'feet stay on the floor. no climbing' But it's really just a game to her right now. She thought this was HILARIOUS tonight. but given how unsafe i think this is, I can't just ignore the behavior until she gets bored with it.

Sorry for rambling. Hopefully someone has some suggestions, as I am completely at a loss here.

[littlecityfarmer]

I totally understand how DD climbing over the gate would freak you out! Is there anything upstairs she's not supposed to get into? I would be inclined to just take the gate down and teach her how to safely get up and down the stairs. Can you install a lower rail for her to hold onto on the way up? Or get a taller, sturdier gate for the both top and bottom of the stairs that she can't climb over? Alternatively, could you put a visual barrier (curtain or something?) at the top of the stairs that would remind your DD to stop at the top, but that wouldn't be a hazard to pass?

Our house has a basement (laundry and storage), first floor (kitchen, den, living room, dining room), second floor (bedrooms), and a finished attic, so 2 1/2 flights of stairs, plus those going to the basement. I never gated the stairs, just paid attention to where the kids were, and kept the doors to the basement and attic closed unless there was a good reason to have them open. My 3 kids (now 6, 4, 2) could crawl upstairs before they figured out how to get back down, but pretty quickly figured out how to "slide" back down on their bellies, and then to "sit and bump" down step by step. Now, even the toddler climbs up and down the stairs holding onto the handrail.

Exploring and testing limits are behaviors that define toddler-hood and challenge us as parents! Hope you figure out a solution!

-Katie

[russsk]

I second taking the gate down. I never did top of the gate stairs, either. DS started going up the stairs at about 6 months and could do it on his own by about 10 months. He's been going down on his own since he was 12 months or so. Now, at 21 months, he walks up and down on his own and I don't stress about him being near stairs. The learning process had me a bit frazzled, but I just made sure that I was never far from him so if he wanted to practice he could. Now he doesn't see the stairs as a game or a challenge, just a way to get from one floor to the other.

[mrsfrenchy]

Well, I've considered this, but I really don't think it will work for us at this time. We have a split foyer house (also called a raised ranch), so when you enter our front door, you can go up (to the living area) or down (to the unfinished basement and garage). So the issue is that she wants to go down (...and really, I don't even think she wants to go downstairs, I think she just wants to climb on the gate because climbing is fun and she knows gate climbing gets a reaction from me).

Since the basement isn't finished, and its mostly used for storage and tools and such, its really not a safe place for her to be. After we finish the basement (hopefully next summer), it might work out better. I would take the watch-her-closely approach, but I'm 8 months pregnant and trying to toddler-proof as much as possible because I know that the next few months will be crazy and she will be out of my sight from time to time.

Anyway, all that to say that these are good suggestions and they may work in a few months, but not at the moment. Thanks for your suggestions though!

[littlecityfarmer]

In that case, maybe a small indoor climbing structure that she can use to safely satisfy her need to climb? Or would it be possible to have a full door installed enroute to the lowerst level, instead of another gate (pre-hung doors are fairly inexpensive at Home Depot, and not terribly difficult to install for somebody handy)? Some other kind of "barricaide" that adults can pass but not DD?

Eight months pregnant and chasing a 18 month old old sounds all too familiar. I feel your frustration, mama! Good luck!

[Luke's mama]

russk--wow, going up stairs at 6 mos! Mine couldn't even roll over then! But at 19 mos he can go up and down stairs safely.

What about acting very scared, making noises and faces to show that very abruptly, that might shock your little one and dissuade the climbing? I guess it depends on personality, but I know sometimes when I am very scared that ds will fall and I gasp or run over, he gets upset and is less likely to repeat the behavior when he gets that reaction out of me.

Or what about making a big display of saying OW!! HURTS! or DANGEROUS!--I have done that with a fireplace or some other hazards with mine and so far it has worked to keep him away.

[isign]

Originally Posted by Luke's mama

What about acting very scared, making noises and faces to show that very abruptly, that might shock your little one and dissuade the climbing? I guess it depends on personality, but I know sometimes when I am very scared that ds will fall and I gasp or run over, he gets upset and is less likely to repeat the behavior when he gets that reaction out of me.

Or what about making a big display of saying OW!! HURTS! or DANGEROUS!--I have done that with a fireplace or some other hazards with mine and so far it has worked to keep him away.

NAK
This would always make DS laugh. It never worked to keep him out of anything. I had a friend who doubled her gates, one on top of the other.

[KatWrangler]

What about putting up a half door? I think they call them dutch doors. Tall enough she can't reach the top.

Here is a link. But I don't see why you can't make one out of an interior door.
http://www.vintagedoors.com/dutch.html

[russsk]

Originally Posted by Luke's mama

russk--wow, going up stairs at 6 mos! Mine couldn't even roll over then! But at 19 mos he can go up and down stairs safely.

He started rolling over and crawling ridiculously early. I swear he was born at least two months old.

Originally Posted by Luke's mama

Or what about making a big display of saying OW!! HURTS! or DANGEROUS!--I have done that with a fireplace or some other hazards with mine and so far it has worked to keep him away.

DS thinks stuff like this is an invitation to do it again. Like, watch what I can make mommy do!

[Llyra]

You might try using the method I used to keep my kids out of our parking lot. It's maybe a little over-the-top, but it's certainly better than resorting to spanking.

The next time she does it, snatch her up, and immediately burst into tears (as much as you can!) and act like you're TERRIFIED for her. Don't use anger, like yelling or spanking-- let her see your FEAR for her. Give her a nice vivid description of how you're so afraid she's going to fall down the stairs and break her head, with lots of emotion in your voice. I've found that if I let my kids see that I myself am genuinely AFRAID of something, that's way more effective than getting mad at them. I would reserve it only for the one or two situations that seem to you to be the MOST dangerous ones she encounters. Your goal, basically, is to convince her by your actions and words and tone of voice that doing that is the most foolhardy thing any human being ever tried.

My kids treat the parking lot, and the space heater in our basement, with a deep and abiding respect, because of me using this tactic starting at a very early age.

[mrsfrenchy]

Originally Posted by Llyra

You might try using the method I used to keep my kids out of our parking lot. It's maybe a little over-the-top, but it's certainly better than resorting to spanking.

The next time she does it, snatch her up, and immediately burst into tears (as much as you can!) and act like you're TERRIFIED for her. Don't use anger, like yelling or spanking-- let her see your FEAR for her. Give her a nice vivid description of how you're so afraid she's going to fall down the stairs and break her head, with lots of emotion in your voice. I've found that if I let my kids see that I myself am genuinely AFRAID of something, that's way more effective than getting mad at them. I would reserve it only for the one or two situations that seem to you to be the MOST dangerous ones she encounters. Your goal, basically, is to convince her by your actions and words and tone of voice that doing that is the most foolhardy thing any human being ever tried.

My kids treat the parking lot, and the space heater in our basement, with a deep and abiding respect, because of me using this tactic starting at a very early age.

I like this idea. I'll have to see just how convincing I can be though--I'm not very good a faking tears. lol

[sgmom]

Is there someone who can stand on the other side of the stairs to "catch" her?

My daughter had a dangerous habit of climbing onto a tv tray table I keep between our two couches, and in front of the bookshelf. Once she learned how to climb up onto the couch without assistance, there was no stopping her from getting to those books. What I did is sit on the opposite couch and gently shake the table as soon as she started to climb onto it. I would never shake it so she would fall, but I wanted her to understand that when I said "danger", that she needed to stop. Shaking the table made it feel VERY unsafe, and she QUICKLY learned to not climb onto it.

I think I started doing this when she was 12 or 13 months old, and she's almost 15 months now so of course the lesson has been forgotten and she sometimes tries to climb it again. But a quick reminder is all it takes for her to immediately back off, and not attempt THAT again.

My point is that she now understands when I tell her something is dangerous, and it's easier to redirect her to something safe. I'm not saying shake her off the baby gate (YIKES!!!), but if there's a way to teach her the same lesson (climbing it is not a game, and is very dangerous), that would be my vote. Climbing a baby gate and falling down the stairs (seriously ouchies) isn't something you EVER want to happen.

And on topic, our baby gate (wooden) screws into the wall on both ends, and is VERY secure. Both my husband and myself have stood on it to test how much weight it holds, and it felt safe even with our weight. It also has slots like on a crib, so there's nothing for her to climb up on, except that bottom rail that she likes to stand on, and is extra tall so there's no chance she can pull herself up and over. If I can remember what type of gate it is, I'll let you know.

[3*is*magic]

I am familiar with raised ranches - my high school boyfriend lived in one. Can you put the gate at the bottom of the set of stairs you want to keep her off and teach her how to go down the short flight safely? When she gets to the bottom (the foyer, yes?) she won't be able to go any further, but she also won't be at risk for breaking the gate and falling down the stairs. I am guessing that we're talking 6 or 7 stairs, right? Are they carpeted? I think carpeted is easier to learn on.