Just some background...My twins were born at 31.5 weeks by cesarean (breech) after DS's membranes has been ruptured for 75 hours and I was in active labor.
The other day it was DH's birthday and DD and I were preparing his birthday dinner. I'm a RN in a birth center and she loves to hear stories about babies births. After telling several stories she said, "I want to be in your tummy still. I want to be back in the water." Then she went on to say that "My brother came out because he had to, but I wasn't ready. I wanted to stay in the water for a lot longer" (her membranes were not ruptured). Then she got all sad and just couldn't stop hugging me. My heart sank, as I naturally wasn't expecting this, nor did I know she was aware of who was born first (him) and why. I did suddenly feel guilty for feeling annoyed by all her excessively clingy behavior.
As a preemie, her twin was ready for discharge well before her and after him coming out of thier crib for one night, she sunk. Her behavior was of the failure to thrive type (refusing to nurse or open mouth for bottle), but she did thrive because we had to keep her with an NG for another month after she came home. She appeared to have no trust whatsoever as a preemie and it took lots of extremely consistent care to get her to open to the world (and to literally open her mouth to eat), and she didn't even take to nursing until 3 months old. But then she seemed great, like she had pulled through some sort of newborn/preemie depression. Oddly, for the first 2.5 years of her life, she would absolutely freak out by anything that gave her the experience of floating (floaties, rafts, floating docks, etc). I had always sensed it was related to her birth and let her explore floating on her own. Look what happened the last time she was floating (in the womb)...she was abruptly yanked out by a surgeon and wisked into the NICU. She needed intubation and surfactant to breathe. Interesting, she *loves* water and is now learning to swim and will use floating devices, but it absolutely must be on her terms. Her control issues are extreme.
All interesting and I could go on and on with the connections I see in behaviors with birth, but my question is, how can we help our children work through their birth trauma? I know their is no one simple ceremony or symbolic act that can even touch upon the pain and loss they have experienced but there must be something we can do to help.
We passionately practice attachment parenting and I'm committed to child-led-weaning (which we're no where close to yet), but what else? Today we played "birth" by cuddling the kids into a bean bag (the womb) and covering with a blanket, and I'd say, okay, you can be born when ever you choose, and they'd take turns popping out from under the banket. I'd hug them and say, "welcome little one! I've drempt of you my whole life! I'm so happy to have you here!". We did this over and over and over. It felt good, even for me since I was never able to embrace them and cuddle them after birth like I had dreamed I would.
The other day it was DH's birthday and DD and I were preparing his birthday dinner. I'm a RN in a birth center and she loves to hear stories about babies births. After telling several stories she said, "I want to be in your tummy still. I want to be back in the water." Then she went on to say that "My brother came out because he had to, but I wasn't ready. I wanted to stay in the water for a lot longer" (her membranes were not ruptured). Then she got all sad and just couldn't stop hugging me. My heart sank, as I naturally wasn't expecting this, nor did I know she was aware of who was born first (him) and why. I did suddenly feel guilty for feeling annoyed by all her excessively clingy behavior.
As a preemie, her twin was ready for discharge well before her and after him coming out of thier crib for one night, she sunk. Her behavior was of the failure to thrive type (refusing to nurse or open mouth for bottle), but she did thrive because we had to keep her with an NG for another month after she came home. She appeared to have no trust whatsoever as a preemie and it took lots of extremely consistent care to get her to open to the world (and to literally open her mouth to eat), and she didn't even take to nursing until 3 months old. But then she seemed great, like she had pulled through some sort of newborn/preemie depression. Oddly, for the first 2.5 years of her life, she would absolutely freak out by anything that gave her the experience of floating (floaties, rafts, floating docks, etc). I had always sensed it was related to her birth and let her explore floating on her own. Look what happened the last time she was floating (in the womb)...she was abruptly yanked out by a surgeon and wisked into the NICU. She needed intubation and surfactant to breathe. Interesting, she *loves* water and is now learning to swim and will use floating devices, but it absolutely must be on her terms. Her control issues are extreme.
All interesting and I could go on and on with the connections I see in behaviors with birth, but my question is, how can we help our children work through their birth trauma? I know their is no one simple ceremony or symbolic act that can even touch upon the pain and loss they have experienced but there must be something we can do to help.
We passionately practice attachment parenting and I'm committed to child-led-weaning (which we're no where close to yet), but what else? Today we played "birth" by cuddling the kids into a bean bag (the womb) and covering with a blanket, and I'd say, okay, you can be born when ever you choose, and they'd take turns popping out from under the banket. I'd hug them and say, "welcome little one! I've drempt of you my whole life! I'm so happy to have you here!". We did this over and over and over. It felt good, even for me since I was never able to embrace them and cuddle them after birth like I had dreamed I would.
