Struggling with Christmas

[SuzyLee]

In terms of religion, DH and I were raised Christian but don't really beleive any more. More spiritual.

I struggle with what xmas traditions to establish for our family, now that DS is getting old enough to notice.

My favorite xmas memories from childhood are church-centered- advent crafts, singing traditional xmas songs at church, going to church on xmas eve, etc. But.... we aren't really Christian. It feels wrong to show up at church for 1 month out of the year- how do you explain that to a preschooler? "We don't beleive in what they are saying at church but mommy likes to sing xmas songs".

I am "ehh" on Santa. I don't have a problem with it but I am also not sure that I want it to be the central focus of the holiday- it seems so materialistic.

So what do we celebrate exactly? I guess that is what I struggle with. My dad has a solstice party every year- I guess we could do more solstice stuff. We do the usual xmas tree, bake cookies, look at xmas lights. Is that it? Is that all xmas is for us?

I am at a loss bc all I really know is the christian side of things. If anyone has gone through similar struggles, or has recommendations on stuff I could read to provoke thought or giev me ideas, I would appreciate it.

[Addy's Mom]

My situation's a little different. I'm Christian but not practicing, but my husband and son are Muslim. I wanted to be able to celebrate Christmas because to me it's filled with warm, happy memories of gathering with family. My husband was cool with that, but he doesn't want our son to engage in actual religious stuff.

So we do a Christmas tree and outside lights. I have stockings hung on the fireplace and we do small gift exchanges on Christmas. We talk about Santa, but I don't say he's real. We sing secular Christmas songs like Jingle Bells in December. I bake cookies, take my son to local winter light shows, and on Christmas morning we go to the National Botanic Garden in DC to see a very festive train display.

To me it's more about creating family traditions together than about the religious aspect of the holiday. The things we do, I think of as cultural celebrations, not religious. I know that might anger some devout Christians and I don't mean to. It's just what works for my family.

[annethcz]

I'm in a similar spot. I was raised Christian, but haven't felt myself to be a Christian for several years. My kids did attend church/Sunday School for many years during their early childhood. We don't attend church anymore and we haven't for a few years. My kids go to church occasionally (a few times/year) when they visit grandparents, but that's about it.

Like you, some of the fondest memories I have of Christmas involve church: the Christmas pageants, the candlelight service on Christmas Eve, singing carols. But I also have other special memories that don't involve church: decorating the tree, spending time with family, traditions involving food and doing certain activities on certain days.

I'm taking the approach that just because something is significant to me, doesn't mean that it's significant to my children. And just because they will grow up with different memories and different traditions that what I grew up with, doesn't mean that those traditions will be any less significant or important to them than mine are to me. So, really, the biggest issue is making sure that *I* find significance in what I'm doing. Although I have fond memories of going to church on Christmas, I don't actually miss going to church, so I don't feel like I need to take my kids there. I do enjoy singing carols and playing them on the piano, so I do that. I enjoy singing and conversing by candlelight, so I continue with that as well.

[Vojerleda]

Originally Posted by SuzyLee

I am "ehh" on Santa. I don't have a problem with it but I am also not sure that I want it to be the central focus of the holiday- it seems so materialistic.

This is a good reason to start charitable giving practices.. Santa was the ultimate philanthropist. Sometimes people need to "act like Santa" to make sure that everyone gets something they need.

There's huge holiday tradition in cooking. Get your ds involved with things like stirring.. just make it different, and that makes it special enough. HTH