How do you handle this situation?

[BRmama]

So how would/do you handle this situation?

First of all I'm sorry I know this has been posted here before, and I never thought I'd be in this situation. I'm a sahm. Anyway, tonight is my dh's work christmas party and no kids are allowed. My Fil is the owner. Dh only told me this on monday night. We have a 10mo son. I can understand that no kids are allowed as they run all over the place and some may get bored at this event, but I have a baby. He doesn't walk (crawls), I prepare his food and change him. I don't have any family here, none, and all my friends (not many) have plans already. Either way he (my son) is going through a very difficult separation anxiety phase. Yesterday for instance someone knocked on my door, and he wasn't that far away from me, but he couldn't see me so he cried so much. I thought he hurt himself, then when I picked him up he kept crying as if he was trying to tell me that he was mad I left him. It's been like this eversince he was around nine months. He is bottle fed which might seem easier on a way (I could see me either not going or taking him if I was bf him), but last time we left him with a sitter (he didn't know her) I was told when I picked him up that he cried for the first two hours that we were gone. So of course I felt horrible.

To make things worse:
Sil just had her baby (first) and they're planning on bringing him. Her newborn is not even a month old, and even though she's bf she's also supplementing. He takes a bottle. Now of course if that was my baby and I had family and friends like she does here then I definetely wouldn't bring him, but that's just me. What gets me is that my Fil who owns the company and is the one throwing the Christmas party is giving me a hard time about it, but is making an exception for her. I've already mentioned to him that I have no family here and hardly any friends here (I'm not from here). So dh is going to talk to his dad but now I'd feel totally uncomfortable if I went and I know it'd cause a contention if I didn't go because of this but frankly I'm already offended as it is. I told dh to let me know if I can bring him or not otherwise if I can't I'll just stay home. Would you have done the same if you were in my situation?

If you read this whole thing thank you so much!

[halomancer]

If your baby will be in arms or a sling the whole time, I would take him to the party. If you are uncomfortable with that, stay home with him. And if there is no business reason for your DH to go, have him stay home, too.

[dogretro]

If I had a newborn, I would absolutely bring him whether he was bottle fed or not. He is a tiny infant and I see that as totally okay. For a child who is mobile, I would not bring them. If I could not find a sitter, I would stay home. Upon first receiving the invitation, I would have replied that only dh was attending b/c we do not have a sitter for our son. If FIL took it personally, well, he is the one who made the "no kids" rule and I doubt you are the only one staying home b/c of this. If you don't have a sitter, you just don't!

[MommaCrystal]

Yep! I've been through this a time or two. Sometimes there is no other choice than to just stay home! It stinks but what other option is there?

[sisteeesmama]

If you think your dc's behavior will be such that you will enjoy yourself and other will be able too, too, then I say bring him along. If he will really only distract you to the point where you aren't even enjoying the party then I say skip it and relax at home, no guilt!
More than likely people will like seeing the little cute-y for a little while if you do bring him along!

[snoopy5386]

I would just stay home.

[BRmama]

Thanks everyone, I could wear him in my sling, but I'm thinking about just staying home. Dh really doesn't have any business going (it's more personal than anything since his dad owns the company). Since fil made this rule I'm going to abide by it and not go. I just feel offended because sil is bringing her baby and she has more resources to abide by his rule (I understand he's a newborn) but I don't understand the hostility towards me since it's not like my baby can run anywhere and he only eats what I give him, plus I have no sitter. Oh well, I do feel better by writing this down. Thanks again, I guess I just needed to rant.

[DCMama01]

I think you (and SIL) should respect the "no kids allowed" rule.

I recently went to my cousin's wedding where they had a similar rule in place for the reception. Family still disrespected it and there were lots of kids there. I have a newborn myself, but was pregnant then. If she had been born by then and I didn't have someone to watch her, I would have skipped the reception.

[bugginsmom]

I have absolutely no family nearby and when my ds was the age of your babe I had no friends here either. I would just stay home in this situation. The newborn is a whole different story, and I totally agree that the mama should be able to bring a babe that young who will more than likely be asleep the whole time anyway. Just my two cents. Sorry your feelings are being hurt by your family.

[BRmama]

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama

If you think your dc's behavior will be such that you will enjoy yourself and other will be able too, too, then I say bring him along. If he will really only distract you to the point where you aren't even enjoying the party then I say skip it and relax at home, no guilt!
More than likely people will like seeing the little cute-y for a little while if you do bring him along!

He's a very calm baby, Strangers come up to dh and I and ask if he's ever that calm. If he's with dh or I then he's fine. I'm afraid that if I go I'll have to deal with fil and mil giving me the angry eye.

[BRmama]

Originally Posted by bugginsmom

I have absolutely no family nearby and when my ds was the age of your babe I had no friends here either. I would just stay home in this situation. The newborn is a whole different story, and I totally agree that the mama should be able to bring a babe that young who will more than likely be asleep the whole time anyway. Just my two cents. Sorry your feelings are being hurt by your family.

Thanks, yeah it sucks because they're the only family near me, and they have hurt me before anyway (whole different story) so I shouldn't be surprised.

I think you (and SIL) should respect the "no kids allowed" rule.

I recently went to my cousin's wedding where they had a similar rule in place for the reception. Family still disrespected it and there were lots of kids there. I have a newborn myself, but was pregnant then. If she had been born by then and I didn't have someone to watch her, I would have skipped the reception.

I agree, I mean personally if I had a newborn I'd stay home anyway. It's okay to bring your newborn anywhere, she recently went out to eat with her family and her baby and that's fine, again personal choice. However fil knows she's bringing her baby and is okay with it, but is being completely insensitive when it comes to our baby. Either way I'm going to stay home. Thanks again

[lab]

Originally Posted by BRmama

He's a very calm baby, Strangers come up to dh and I and ask if he's ever that calm. If he's with dh or I then he's fine. I'm afraid that if I go I'll have to deal with fil and mil giving me the angry eye.

But FIL has already told you no.

You shouldn't go.

eta - sorry! I didn't see your second post saying that you weren't going......

[mamadelbosque]

IDK... I took DS2 to a 'no-one under 21' alumni dinner recently (he was ~2 months), and absolutely no-one had an issue - everyone thought he was adorable. I did leave my 2.5 yr old w/ my mom, but saw no reason to not bring my baby. IMO as long as they are a 'babe-in-arms/sling' they don't count. If their going to want to be down on the floor crawling/running around, then no. But if your just going to be holding/wearing them the whole time, who cares? Its not like their feeding another person or having little ones running around and making a huge commotion, their *babies*!!

[VisionaryMom]

Staying home is best. We've actually both just started not going to things when our children can't go unless there's some great reason they can't - going to the opera, for instance, where small childen wouldn't be able to sit quietly so others can enjoy. We've been invited to a couple of early evening things (potlucks even!) that had "no children" attached, and we just didn't go. We have a great sitter the kids love, but I'm not going to ask her to sit every time someone just doesn't want kids at some event.

In this case, since your child is the boss' grandson and his other grandchild already is coming, I think it would cause other employees to be upset if they went through the trouble to get a sitter because it's a work thing and they feel obligated to go only to show up and find out the family's children are there. I can understand your FIL being upset with you about that. As for your SIL, a 1MO is still so tiny and not mobile at all, and I think it's completely different from a 10MO. At 10 months, my kiddos were everywhere and into anything that could get to because they wanted to explore everything.

[pacificbliss]

Sorry you have to miss it but I think you're doing the right thing staying home. FWIW I think SIL should stay home too. Sometimes the no kids rule isn't just about kids running around. We are in the same boat. we have a 3 year old and it's tough to find a sitter and we have no family here. No kids at the party usually means we don't go either. For work things I go or my DH goes but one of us stays home.

[Ruthla]

I can totally see the point in allowing a newborn to attend, but not allowing a 10mo. By that age, all of my kids were crawling everywhere and would NOT have been happy staying in arms for a whole party. A newborn is practically a part of the mother's body, and won't crawl under the table, eat staples from under the desk, trip people who are walking and not looking at the floor, etc. It doesn't matter who does or doesn't have available babysitters- crawling babies can be disruptive, period!

It's perfectly socially acceptable to say "I don't have childcare, so I won't be able to attend." When people have parties and invite parents but not the kids, they typically understand that the parents may need to decline the invitation.

DH can still go while you stay home with the baby- he doesn't have to stay home just because the baby's not invited.

[Drummer's Wife]

That kinda stinks that FIL won't make an exception for your LO. But, I do think there is a big difference in a newborn and a 10 mo - nursing or not. I wonder if he thought by bending the rules (so to speak, even though they are his rules) by letting you bring the baby would make others upset who left their 12 month old with a sitter, and so on. A teeny, tiny new baby is likely to be overlooked by other parents at the party - but a mobile, possibly vocal, alert infant might irritate others.

If I didn't have a sitter I was comfortable with, I would send DH for at least a little bit to mingle and enjoy his christmas party (afterall, he's the one who works outside the home, right?) and stay home with the baby.

[BRmama]

Thank you everyone. I guess I was just mad, but I can see why she would take her newborn. Thanks for clarifying. I guess it all falls down to a personal choice. Yeah my son is crawling, but if I went with him, I'd wear him the whole time. He loves to be worn anyway, and he wouldn't want to go with anybody. But I'm not going. I told dh he could go, but whatever he decides to do is fine. Thanks I feel better.

[BRmama]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

That kinda stinks that FIL won't make an exception for your LO. But, I do think there is a big difference in a newborn and a 10 mo - nursing or not. I wonder if he thought by bending the rules (so to speak, even though they are his rules) by letting you bring the baby would make others upset who left their 12 month old with a sitter, and so on. A teeny, tiny new baby is likely to be overlooked by other parents at the party - but a mobile, possibly vocal, alert infant might irritate others.

If I didn't have a sitter I was comfortable with, I would send DH for at least a little bit to mingle and enjoy his christmas party (afterall, he's the one who works outside the home, right?) and stay home with the baby.

Yeah, if I had a good sitter here that ds and I were comfortable with then I'd go, or if my family was here. Anyway that's probably what dh will do.

[JL83]

Originally Posted by bugginsmom

I've already mentioned to him that I have no family here and hardly any friends here (I'm not from here).

Actually, you do apparently have family there. Your in-laws...

And there is a very huge difference between a newborn and a mobile toddler/baby. I completely understand not wanting a 10 month old who can crawl all over, and still allowing a tiny infant. Infants are a different class. "Babes in Arms" are the exception to "no children" rules.