Tattling - how to get it to stop! - Page 2

[JL83]

Originally Posted by Toolip

I think the bigger problem is the petty rules that kids are expected to follow. It gets broken down into such detail that the rules become impossible to follow all the time. If the rules were more simple like, be respectful of people, Don't hurt peoples feelings or bodies, etc... I think there would be less petty tattling. I know that those rules can make a classroom run much more smoothly but making rules that are only selectively enforced is very confusing.

I have to agree. And what some kids will take as "general guidance" other kids will interpret as hard and fast rules. It's even more confusing when rules are broken while the teacher is out of the room, and then the teacher isn't interested in knowing about it when they come back. That one always confused me. And none of my teachers took the time to explain to me that the whole "point" of telling the kids to sit still with their heads down on their desks was so that the class didn't "disturb" other classes. It wasn't actually important that Jonny stood up and put something in the garbage. And I wouldn't have gotten in trouble for doing the same thing as long as I was quiet.

[EviesMom]

Originally Posted by ssh

Some kids just have to tell their parents about everything. If no one gets in trouble I don't see how it's tattling. When I was a little kid I told my mom about things I did and things my sister did too. I felt uneasy until I told my mom about things I thought she should know. She didn't really use punishment so I wasn't trying to get anyone in trouble.

I think this is fantastic! DD LOVES to tell me everything that happens while I'm away. It does not usually involve any kind of wrong doing, but even when it does, she doesn't expect that I'm going to punish her or DS for it; she's just making conversation, and processing what happened: "We played trains, and we colored, and we went for a walk. But when DS was tired, Mama, he got very riled up, and he BIT me!" I cluck sympathetically, but I'm not going to punish a 2 year old 3 hours later, yk? She just wants someone to know, and she's processing it by retelling it. Same as she wanted at age 2 to repeat the tale of how she had a big fall and an owie for a few days until she was ready to move on.

[Lolagirl]

Originally Posted by EviesMom

But as a child, if I was telling an adult, I felt an adult should handle it. When every kid in your class is treating you like crud, (Yes, actually, literally, every single one) being told "don't tattle" by adults is profoundly mean in my opinion.

I'm really torn over the "no tattling" thing for this main reason. I remember when I was in elementary school my apathetic teachers always used this line to avoid dealing with my being on the receiving end of daily teasing, bullying and hitting from fellow classmates. So far a lot of the PPs here have only referred to minor infractions as being the subject of tattling in this discussion, but I really worry that younger kids especially have a pretty difficult time teasing out the nuances in any given situation to know when they should or should not report back to an adult about important stuff.

I really worry that telling my kids not to tattle could easily become the equivalent (in their mind, at least) to telling them to not report more serious transgressions like bullying and hitting. Because in my mind, these things should absolutely be brought to my attention if I didn't witness them directly and absolutely need to be addressed. Maybe I'm just more sensitive about it because I was bullied relentlessly as a kid and had a terribly hard time getting past what that did to my own head, I don't ever want that to happen to my children (or heaven forbid be inflicted by my children.)

[ssh]

Originally Posted by Lolagirl

I'm really torn over the "no tattling" thing for this main reason. I remember when I was in elementary school my apathetic teachers always used this line to avoid dealing with my being on the receiving end of daily teasing, bullying and hitting from fellow classmates. So far a lot of the PPs here have only referred to minor infractions as being the subject of tattling in this discussion, but I really worry that younger kids especially have a pretty difficult time teasing out the nuances in any given situation to know when they should or should not report back to an adult about important stuff.

I really worry that telling my kids not to tattle could easily become the equivalent (in their mind, at least) to telling them to not report more serious transgressions like bullying and hitting. Because in my mind, these things should absolutely be brought to my attention if I didn't witness them directly and absolutely need to be addressed. Maybe I'm just more sensitive about it because I was bullied relentlessly as a kid and had a terribly hard time getting past what that did to my own head, I don't ever want that to happen to my children (or heaven forbid be inflicted by my children.)

This is why I tell my DD to tell an adult if something is wrong. If an adult at school doesn't want to listen I will always listen. If it's something that should have been dealt with and wasn't I'll talk to the teacher and make sure it is dealt with.