Your morning routine as a WOHM

[busymama77]

I wasn't sure if I should post this in this forum or the Working Parents and Students forum.

What is your morning routine like? Does your DH/DP sleep in while you're getting ready and then wake up at a later time - after you leave for work?

It's that way in my house and some mornings I feel like I'm going crazy and never have enough time to do everything I need to do before heading out the door. I'm usual not the one to ask for help - I tend to do it all on my own, but should that really be the case when there is an extra set of hands there to help but he's just sleeping?

DH works out of the home and has a very flexible schedule. I work in an office w/ a semi-flexible but still an 8:30-5 job.

I wake up 6am, shower, wake up DS at 6:30, get him dressed, teeth brushed, fed breakfast, shoes on, dogs fed and let out to pee and then I get myself ready. Some mornings it can be like clock work and others, I'm struggling to get myself ready because DS doesn't like his breakfast or the pants that I've chosen for him or wanting to brush his teeth.

How can I ask for help in a nice way without sounding like a nag? We're expecting DS#2 in a couple of months and I know things will be different then - he'll have no choice but to get up and help...

[Alyantavid]

Our setup is a bit different than usual so it may not help.

I get up at 5:30, make coffee, get ready, get my breakfast and leave by 6:30-6:45. Dh gets up not long after I leave (I wake him up) and gets the boys up and ready to go, makes lunches as needed, makes sure they have everything they need for the day and I think they head out around 7:30.

I'm very very happy with this arrangement. Our mornings were so stressful when I was doing it. I ended up in a bad mood and hated to send my kids off for the day that way. Dh's much more laidback, I still have some control over it (I feel like I'm forgetting something if I don't know everyone's ready and has what they need) by getting everything ready the night before and I can just go to work in the mornings.

[dessismama]

DH gets up at 5 a.m., showers, shovels the driveway/cleans cars, does some light housekeeping and wakes up oldest DD. He makes sure she takes her medicine and then he leaves at 6:00 a.m. I wake up at 6:30, after oldest DD leaves (she is 13.5 so she fends for herself). Then I shower, dress, get the kids up, serve breakfast, make school lunches and get everyone out the door. I also do light housekeeping chores while waiting on the kids. It is hectic. Some mornings I am exhausted by the time I get to work... Thankfully my job comes with long vacations... DH is actually great about helping around the house and with the kids--I feel very lucky!!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Until recently, I didn't have the option of a second pair of hands. My husband was out the door before I was sometimes out of bed (5am) so I had to get myself showered, both kids fed, ready, and out the door by 630 at the latest. Before DS2 was born, and my husbands job changed, I was the one getting DS1 ready and out the door, all while he slept. I. HATED. IT. I wanted so badly to throw something at him. A couple times it was all I could do to keep myself from litterally SCREAMING at him to wake up and help. He has gotten quite a bit better recently. He is NOT a morning person, and drags @$$ BIG TIME. So he sometimes still needs me to light a fire under him to get going, especially in the winter.

My other ace in the hole is that he does NOT do night wakings, AT ALL. Never had. And DS2 sleeps pretty crappy compared to his brother. So you want ME to be up half the night, you can get your sorry behind out of bed and help with the kids while I am trying to get ready, thank you very much.

[griffin2004]

Solo WOHM mama here, so I do it all myself. It must be terribly frustrating to have a partner who doesn't kick in with the morning routine. I don't have anyone to expect help from, but to have an "observer" while you're running around trying to get out the door? Ack, that would be crazy-making!

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by griffin2004

Solo WOHM mama here, so I do it all myself. It must be terribly frustrating to have a partner who doesn't kick in with the morning routine. I don't have anyone to expect help from, but to have an "observer" while you're running around trying to get out the door? Ack, that would be crazy-making!

HA, well, the thing is, he's not really "observer" since he's sleeping, but I know what you mean. And when I get frustrated, he's like "well, why didn't you ask?". I just feel like sometimes I shouldn't HAVE to ask. But he's fantastic otherwise!!! He'll pick up things I need from the store, or do some housework for me before I get home, cooks dinner in the evenings, on the weekends, etc., etc., It's just the mornings I'm having trouble with.

[HollyBearsMom]

We all wake up a 6:30

Between 6:30 and 7:15:
DH: go downstairs, lets dogs out, let dogs in, feed dogs, make coffee, make breakfast bring to me upstairs/leave on table for DS
DS: go back to his room (LOL), get dressed, eat breakfast, do core exercizes
Me: take shower, get dressed, blowdry, makeup, watch news, eat breakfast drink coffee

Between 7:15 and 7:30
DH and DS play games
Me: make my lunch, make sure DS backpack is set, sometimes join in games

7:30:
Me and DS leave for the day
DH: showers, gets dressed, cleans up kitchen/breakfast stuff, make his own lunch, lets dogs out and in again. Leaves at 8:00 for the day

[blizzard_babe]

For a while, DH (who in general does his fair share of the work AT LEAST) was not being particularly helpful on the mornings we both had to go to work. Finally I pointed out that "It's not fair that YOU'RE ready when you're ready, but I'm not ready until both DS and I are ready." It honestly hadn't occurred to him for some reason (why, I don't know... he's generally pretty on top of stuff like this). He would just get himself ready and then hop on the internet, same as he's done for years. After I pointed it out, the very next day, he was like, "OK, what can I do?"

In your case, I'd probably approach it like things have been really hurried in the mornings and it's a stressful way to start your day, and that it'd be really helpful if he'd be able to get up in time to help with *insert specific task here*.

[Mountaingirl79]

Well, I really have a great schedule so I dont know if this counts.....

But I get up at 7:00am, get breakfast ready while the kids stumble out of bed, get the boys fed and dressed. ,then I take them to school at about 7:45. Then I come back home, shower and clean a little ( usually breakfast dishes and general tidying) while Dh wakes up at about this time. We have coffee together and I leave for work at about 9:40 to be there by 10:00. Dh picks the kids up at 2:30, and they do homework, and snack until I get home at 6:15pm. Then I make dinner and we chill with the kids/play until their bedtime at 8:00pm.

I like my routine a lot, and so do the kids.

My advice is, a routine really helps and also getting clothes picked out the night before and lunches made. If you need help in the morning, I would wake dh up early with some coffee and delegate a task to him.

[ctdoula]

I can relate to your stress. DH & I work together and we all leave together every day. But, I'm the one who does 90% of the kid stuff. It's does really annoy me when he doesn't help. He's NOT a morning person and it's all he can do to get himself out of the house on time. I do have to ask him for help, which he usually will do when I directly ask.

Maybe you could just outright ask?

(If I'm being good, I'm up at 6:30 for a walk)..... Otherwise...
I get up at 7:15-7:30, putter around the house, put out clothes for both kids, sometimes make coffee (if dh hasn't done dishes, we pick up coffee en route). I usually wake the troops around 7:45ish. I wake up the kids, poke dh 38 times to get in the shower, make sure the kids get themselves dressed, make breakfast. I shower after dh showers (I take way shorter a shower than him, so I get ready faster). I shower & dress while the kids brush teeth, put on shoes, etc. We're all out the door around 8:40.

[LynnS6]

In your ideal world, what would he do? Would he get up and get ds ready every morning while you get yourself ready? Would he get up 2-3 mornings a week? once a week? Would he get your son's stuff ready to go before he goes to bed every night?

My kids are considerably older than yours, but our daily situation is much like yours. I WOH, dh works from home. When the kids were little, I needed him to help me or I'd never get out the door. I don't actually remember what he did, but he did help. He naturally gets up earlier than I do, so that helps.

Now, our roles have reversed. He takes ds to the bus stop at 8 am, because I am not a morning person. He does the bulk of the work -- gets both kids breakfast, makes ds' lunch, makes sure he's got his stuff, gets him out the door. I get dd ready and leave with her about 8:20 or 8:30. Next year I am going to get so lazy - both kids will be going on the school bus at 8!!

[annethcz]

I think that you just need to open a dialog with your DH about what's working, what's not, and let him know that you need his assisstance.

I'm a (part time) WOHM, but my kids are older and can get ready on their own. I do as much prep work as possible the night before- I make lunches, pack bags, and pick out clothes before going to bed. In the morning I wake up the kids (unless they're up before I am, which happens often), encourage them to get ready, and give them reminders about when we need to leave. On days that DH goes into his office, he's gone long before I get up. On days when DH is working from home, he will help out with getting the kids ready in the morning, but usually only if I ask him for help. I used to be a SAHM, and getting kids ready on weekdays has always been my responsibility.

[DariusMom]

Is there a reason your DH isn't getting your child up and ready? there is no snark here, just curiosity.

I'm more like your DH in this scenario in that I WAH with a very flexible schedule and my DH WOH with a not super-flexible schedule. So he gets up at 6:45 AM, gets himself going, and is out the door at around 7:30 AM. I then get DS up, fed, dressed, and to school (he's 7 so it's not a huge amount of effort, thankfully).

Anyway, unless there's a logistical reason I'm missing from your OP, have your DH get your child up and ready in the morning.

We, as mothers, often make ourselves martyrs. I understand the feeling of not wanting to have to ask and the frustration of feeling like our spouses should just *see* what's going on and *get it*, but they don't. Or at least not all of them all the time. So sometimes we just have to say, gently, "hon, this isn't really working for me. Could you help?"

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by DariusMom

We, as mothers, often make ourselves martyrs. I understand the feeling of not wanting to have to ask and the frustration of feeling like our spouses should just *see* what's going on and *get it*, but they don't. Or at least not all of them all the time. So sometimes we just have to say, gently, "hon, this isn't really working for me. Could you help?"

This has def been my situation in the past. I actually found myself thanking him when he DID pitch in. But recently, as recently as this morning, I relaized I havent thanked him in a while for getting DS1 ready while I get myself and DS2 ready (After being up with DS2 ALL.NIGHT.LONG) but it occurred to me, they are HIS kids too, and I dont recall a time he EVER thanked ME for getting them up, ready, and off to daycare all by myself for MONTHS. SO why on earth should I thank HIM for just being a parent? Right?

[amma_mama]

We started off this school year with a situation very similar to the OP's. As we only have one car, and school and my work are all within a 10 minute drive, DH now drives both of us to school/work so he gets up 30 minutes before it is time to leave. Despite telling him that I need his help in the mornings to get DD ready, he still does not take the initiative. It drives me batty as I feel like a nag having to remind him. While I am running around getting myself dressed and pestering DD to get out of bed, get dressed, eat something, brush hair, brush teeth, find her shoes, DH is sipping his tea and checking email! I have to ask him each and every time to help out, which he does but not if I do not ask. If I do the passive-agressive huffing and puffing , I get criticized for not asking for his help. THen why not just get up and help with out a specific request???

Sorry, this attempt as commiseration turned into a vent

I think in both our cases, we need to be more forthcoming about what we need help with and set it up as a routine with a clear agreement on who does what (and when).

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by DariusMom

Is there a reason your DH isn't getting your child up and ready? there is no snark here, just curiosity.

I'm more like your DH in this scenario in that I WAH with a very flexible schedule and my DH WOH with a not super-flexible schedule. So he gets up at 6:45 AM, gets himself going, and is out the door at around 7:30 AM. I then get DS up, fed, dressed, and to school (he's 7 so it's not a huge amount of effort, thankfully).

Anyway, unless there's a logistical reason I'm missing from your OP, have your DH get your child up and ready in the morning.

We, as mothers, often make ourselves martyrs. I understand the feeling of not wanting to have to ask and the frustration of feeling like our spouses should just *see* what's going on and *get it*, but they don't. Or at least not all of them all the time. So sometimes we just have to say, gently, "hon, this isn't really working for me. Could you help?"

No, I hear you, there really isn't a reason to give. He's not much of a morning person, but can turn it on when need be (saw it many times when DS was an infant or if I've been sick and he's needed to take care of DS).

[mistymama]

Our setup is very different, but this is how it works for us- Dh works outside the home from 6am-6pm M-F. I have a job that can be done from home or the office, I usually work from the office 7:30am-12:30pm M-F.

Dh's alarm goes off at 5:15am and he is gone by 5:45am - before ds or I are even up.

I wake up around 6am, let the dog out & get ds up. I make ds breakfast, pack his lunch & help remind him to get dressed & brush his teeth. I get myself dressed and we are out the door by 7:15am.

Often on Wednesdays dh can sleep in until 7am - I don't ask him to get up to help with ds on those mornings, I let him sleep. He works 3x as many hours as I do and I think he deserves the extra sleep when he can get it.

He does help very much with the nighttime routine with ds though. But am's are all me.

[IntrovertExtrovert]

I WOH 2 days per week and WAH 2 mornings per week while Kiddo's at school. 1 morning per week I work at Kiddo's school (it's a co-op). I get to work by 8a.

The days I WOH go like this:
6:30 I wake up, shower, and eat breakfast. If Kiddo wakes up then, we do these things together, but generally my son sleeps until at least 7.
7:30 I wake up my husband and my Kiddo before I leave. Kiddo Very Strongly Prefers that I not leave before he's awake.
7:30-9 I've left. Husband gets Kiddo ready and takes him to the nanny-share (soon to be takes him to daycare).

This is what my husband has chosen. I go in early and come home by 5p to take care of Kiddo. My husband goes in later and comes home at 6:45 for dinner and bedtime. We do the 1950's thing where I have dinner on the table when he gets home, so that we can eat and then start bedtime right away.

[LilMomma83]

This used to be my situation until I hit my wits end and put my foot down. I never even really spoke to DH about it (maybe that was immature, but, I felt like he would come up with excuses or argue with me). I simply quit getting the baby ready. I get myself and the 2.5yo ready and take him to preschool, I leave the baby asleep. DH then has to get himself and the baby up and take the baby to daycare. On Thursdays DH is not home in the morning so I take kids and on Saturdays I leave to early so he takes both kids...it has worked out great, he really hasn't complained or anything - there is no choice, I didn't give him one.

[_ktg_]

Here's our schedule - but its not like I'm in love with it. It just is what it is and works right now for us.

7am - I wake up, quietly sneak into the shower (both DSs are currently in our room right now), DH still sleeping.
7:20am - get out of bathroom, dress & wrangle DS1 who hates that I go to work and will follow me until I leave. I wake up DH & tell him that DS2 is awake
7:30am -get my breakfast, pack lunch, locate all items for my workbag sometimes DS1's breakfast. DH & DS2 in shower.
7:45am - I'm trying to leave, DH coming downstairs w/ DS2. Hugs/Kisses & outta there.

Home around 5-5:30 and blam into nursing & taking care of DS2 & 1, and dinner if not already started by DH.