Another worn-out mama thread...

[momofadella]

Hi mamas!

I'm sure there have been so many threads about this exact thing, but I really need to vent a bit. I don't feel like I have anyone else to talk to about this because none of my family or friends understand "attachment parenting" or extended breastfeeding or why in the world I'd continue to do this when I'm so exhaused. Whenever I talk about this to people who don't understand, they persieve it as complaining and they try to "fix" it. I don't need people to try to fix things, I just need to be able to talk and let off some steam...just like anyone else who's had a rough day at work. I think it would do me a lot of good to hear that other mama's have been in this situation and that it does pass.

Anyway, my dd is 16 months old and wants to nurse all the time. She nurses several times an hour all day long and then wants to nurse every 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours throughout the night. I am so tired I can't see straight. I need a longer stretch of sleep - I'm so worn out I feel physically sick. I have a tension headache almost everyday and I'm very underweight. I was underweight when I got pregnant with her at 108 lbs (I'm 5'6") now I'm barely 101 lbs, and it seems like lately the weight is dropping everyday. Everyone keeps telling me that they're worried about me and that I look worn out...yeah, they should try not sleeping for 16 months and they'd probably look tired too.

We practice attachment parenting and I am very devoted to nursing her. It is clear that nursing has become very important to her and is a huge source of comfort. I refuse to deny her the breast when she asks...it just goes against everything I believe in, plus, I know that it provides so much comfort right now, since she's cutting her molars. I know, it's a phase and it'll pass...but dang, I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. I want to be all that she needs me to be, and to give all that she needs me to give, but I'm not getting any time to recharge or refresh.

Remind me again why attachment parenting is so good? LOL

Anyway, thanks for listening and please share you positive stories with me.

[mmhinton]

Well, I can't offer alot of words of wisdom...can only commiserate your *pain* as I haven't slept more than 2-3 hours at a time (for usually a total of maybe 5-6 hours) in about 4 yrs - since I became pregnant with ds1!! Neither of my boys are "good" sleepers...ok, well, ds1 does now sleep through the night at 3+ yrs old, but ds2 does NOT sleep well (I actually posted about venting just the other day on here

DS2 is now 20 months and still nurses probably every 2-4 hours (at least) during the day and at night.

But, you want a positive....well, ds2 is now a very smart, independent little boy

[surfamy]

Hey mama,

I am sure that there a tons of moms here who can comiserate with you. My own two girls were never "good" sleepers either. They are 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 now. I know what you mean about just being able to vent to someone that will listen and not try to "fix" it or tell you what you are doing wrong. You are in a good place for that here.
I will say that my girls started sleeping better around age 2 and especially after night weaning (I waited till they had their 2 year molars in). My 4 1/2 year old, who weaned just 6 months ago, sleeps all the way through the night. I never thought this was possible when she was 16 months. I remember thinking she would nurse till she was 18. She nursed all.the.time. It was exhausting at the time.
I will say that I was very hesitant to ask for any help with my first daughter. I thought that as an AP parent, I should never be away or want to be away from her. With my second daughter, I have mellowed a lot and I see that I am important too.
So that is my advice, remember that you are important too. Your health and well being is just as important to your daughter as nursing is. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Ask a friend to watch your daughter or have your husband take her out for a couple hours on a Saturday so you can take a long shower and a nap.
Being AP can be tough on mama, as we are the center of the universe for a while! It took me a long time to realize that I didn't have to hold up the universe by myself. That admitting I needed help didn't make me any less of a super woman. Because, believe me mama, you are super woman! Hang in there.
Oh! And last. AP is worth it! My daughters are confident, loving, empathetic girls and I am so glad that was able to fulfill their needs! Plus, for a 2 1/2 year old, the boob is like magic!

[apmama07]

Originally Posted by surfamy

So that is my advice, remember that you are important too. Your health and well being is just as important to your daughter as nursing is. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Ask a friend to watch your daughter or have your husband take her out for a couple hours on a Saturday so you can take a long shower and a nap.
Being AP can be tough on mama, as we are the center of the universe for a while! It took me a long time to realize that I didn't have to hold up the universe by myself. That admitting I needed help didn't make me any less of a super woman. Because, believe me mama, you are super woman! Hang in there.

Really well put!

I will just add another voice to say you have been heard and commiserated with!! DD is now 27 months and STILL cutting those molars so STILL doing quite a bit of night nursing....BUT as so many mamas have told me, it really did get tons better around two. So the light at the end of the tunnel is there!

I felt *exactly* the same way from around 14 to 20 months, at my rope's end so many times and just desperate for (a) a few hours solid sleep, forget a full night! and (b) someone to understand and support me non-judgementally, as you said. Wish I'd been on MDC then. Hopefully you will get at least (b) if not (a) soon. In the meantime vent away and if you need someone to "talk" to feel free to PM me.

A couple of things that help me whenever I've hit a "wall" with this - re-reading both of these:
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's intense needs?

LLL: Excessive Nighttime Nursing

As well as the book "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" I've always found really soothing and encouraging.

Also, have you looked into local LLL meetings for nursing past a year? I'm lucky enough to have found one at 15 months and it's been a real lifeline for me to have IRL mamas for support.
Hang in there!

[momofadella]

Thank you

Thank you all so much...I can't even express how much better I feel just by being able to talk about this, and to know that you all totally understand what it's like. Thank you for your support and encouragement! I'm feel so lucky to have found this forum :-)

[MountainMamaGC]

I recently cut my 21 month old down to a strict 4 feedings a day. I just cant do anymore than that. I dont feel good about nursing anymore. I had to cut her down or I think I would have just quit all together. I think there comes a time when you have to set boundaries in order to perserve your nursing relationship. I nightweaned at 14 months old because I was exhausted. The Jay Gordon method is really gentle. I just want to offer my support because I know how it feels. I have had to re-do the night weaning a couple times because of illness and molar teething. It wasnt as hard as the first time we nightweaned though.

[zinemama]

You know, it's not "attachment martyring." There may be those who disagree, but I see no reason not to limit a 16mo's nursing sessions if it is taking that kind of a toll on you. Nothing wrong with nightweaning, either.

AP is not about denying yourself and giving your baby everything, to the detriment of your health. When mama can't see straight, feels physically sick and has a daily tension headache, it's time to make a change. That kind of fatigue is a symptom of new motherhood, not something you should be experiencing 16 months into it.

It really is ok to deny the breast sometimes at this stage. Doesn't make you any less attached to your lo.

[rlmueller]

Not a huge source of comfort but...

My mother said

A child will start something that eventually will drive you to the brink of jumping off a tall building--right to the edge.

And when you are ready to finally leap--one foot off. They will stop whatever it was they've been doing to make you absolutely insane. And you will get peace. And they will then find something else to drive you to the brink. Not funny. But Funny a little. But so darn true.

[bronxmom]

This thread is old but I was looking through and saw this and wanted to respond. It will get better. But...I'd look into ways to try to make it easier on you right now without compromising the breastfeeding and attachment relationship. The thing that jumps out at me is how undernourished you sound. I would try to get a bunch of highly nutritious, calorie dense, healthy fats snack foods that you can just munch on throughout the day. Can someone whip you up a batch of hummus or white bean dip to have with pita and veggies? Whole wheat crackers and cheese would be good. Almonds, dried fruits, nut butters on crackers or toast. Easy fruits and veggies you can munch on. I'm guessing that if you're baby is nursing constantly you don't have a lot of time to prepare meals or even eat them. Good snack foods could help up your nutrition which will refuel you and help your baby. I would also worry that if you are undernourished then at some point it would take a toll on your milk and that could cause the baby to want more. So focusing on yourself is important for your baby. I'd also try the same strategy for baby: whole milk yogurt, healthy proteins, nut butters with bananas or whole wheat toast. Some nutrient dense, filling foods might help alleviate the constant nursing need. Maybe try offering easy finger foods instead of nursing and see if it works. If it doesn't you can still nurse.

In other words, I think there are some things you can do to help without refusing your baby a nursing session. I think when people around us are unsupportive it makes it hard ourselves to think clearly about changes we might need or want because it seems like it's that's letting them win. But it sounds like you need support for your choices while also ideas and support for making necessary adjustments. I hope you can get it, if not irl then here.