My toddler is driving me INSANE

[mommariffic]

My DD is 2 and a few months going on 20, seriously

She's incredibly spirited She was so happy when we lived in the woods running, burning energy and exploring but now we are in an urban area [right across the river from Manhattan] while DH works here, and we will be here for the next 2 years...

It's HARD parenting so far. The woods were great for exploring, but I think this bleak urban landscape that I used to love when I was younger [like early 20's] is now depressing. DD is driving me insane -- I try the gentle discipline thing but she's REALLY testing my well, sanity?

Everything I say she does the exact opposite.
"Don't grab the cat love"
Cat gets grabbed and thrown off the couch.

"Do nice with your nature box stuff" [which is shells etc]
10 seconds later there's shells and rocks ALL OVER the floor and she's smirking at me

She just DOES NOT LISTEN. TO A FREAKIN THING I SAY!

I do not spank. I let her know hands are not for hitting, we do gentle, blah blah blah and I swear she looks at me like "uh huh sucker"

So I need advice. How can I regain control of my kid?

[sisteeesmama]

Some will disagree, and I am not even sure I love the idea, but it has been working some so I shall share.
We do time outs for big offenses like hitting, yelling, I would consider an abuse of the family pet a big one.
Anyway. What I do is give her a warning about her behavior and it resulting in a time out if she cannot stop whatever it is. Usually she does not stop so then when she does it again I snatch her up very quickly and whisk her off to the time out chair, which is the same every time.
I tell her what she did that got her a time out and tell her she has two minutes(because she is two years old.)
I stand very close by, but don't engage her or let her engage me. If she tries to get up I just place her back down until her time is up.
When it is up I get close to her face and calmly tell her why she got time out and ask her if she is going to do such-n-such again. If she says yes, then I say, "One more minute of time out for you, missy" if she says no, then it's a kiss, a hug and down she goes to play.

I try not to abuse the time outs, though, because, like I said earlier, I don't love doing them and am not 100% sold on the idea, but sometimes you just need a recourse of some kind.

[Loralz]

Have you read the book by Ames & Ilg on 'Your One-Year Old'? Good stuff on normal developmental things and disequillibrium (hits about the 1/2 way mark through each year). Discipline stuff is not great, but good stuff on how kids are developmentally.

What you're describing is normal behavior for that age. What you're doing will work.

Also, kids of this age (up 'til age 3 I think?) register the last things you say more than the first. So if you start a sentence off with "No X" or "Don't X", they hear X. Gotta love it.

So keep on redirecting and reframing and giving words. Don't expect her to do more than she is really capable of, no matter how smart (which is where the A&I books come in handy to know what you can expect), because then you'll just set yourself up disaster. And if you can, maybe get an inside slide or join a playgroup or something like that to help her burn off excess energy.

[moonmom08]

Originally Posted by Loralz

Also, kids of this age (up 'til age 3 I think?) register the last things you say more than the first. So if you start a sentence off with "No X" or "Don't X", they hear X. Gotta love it.

Def. found this to be true w/my 18-mo DD. It has to be:
"Show me how you (insert alternative behavior)."
Also, praising the right behavior extensively usually keeps that ball rolling for awhile "Thank you for helping!"

Also, don't know where you are in Jersey, but DD's first 15 mos we lived in Manhattan, and it was a toddler wonderland (museums, Central Park, subway rides, taking her for coffee and muffin, etc.). I was so sad to move away when we did, it was just getting really fun. So many ways to stimulate and burn off energy. I know public transit into the city isn't easy if you're not near PATH tho.

[ssh]

You say your DD is spirited have you read Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kurcinka? It's a very helpful book. At 2 LOs have no impulse control so 'listening' will probably not happen much until she's 3 something. Like someone else said young children hear/focus on the last part of what we say, so Don't jump! becomes Jump!. If your DD seems to be doing the opposite of what you say part of it could be she isn't hearing the 'don'ts or nos' at the beginning of your requests. It's better to tell them what to do, like "be gentle with the cat, nice cat". My DDs preschool uses things like "use walking feet" instead of don't run or no running.

[MiamiMami]

Mommariffic- clear out your PMs

[mommariffic]

PM's are cleared out!

And, we live in Weehawken so we go into Manhattan! Now it's getting colder it's a bummer, but we still trek in. Today we went to the Christmas markets at Union Square and now we are home vegging out because it was an EXHAUSTING day...so yeah, to answer the question we totally do New York - I love the children's museums and the parks, oh boy.

[moonmom08]

Originally Posted by mommariffic

PM's are cleared out!

And, we live in Weehawken so we go into Manhattan! Now it's getting colder it's a bummer, but we still trek in. Today we went to the Christmas markets at Union Square and now we are home vegging out because it was an EXHAUSTING day...so yeah, to answer the question we totally do New York - I love the children's museums and the parks, oh boy.

Sigh...I miss NYC!