Please help/encourage me :(

[CrunchyKnitter]

I'm at the point where I am seeing my chiropractor every other day, partly b/c of this issue and I'm getting super burnt out.

DS (4 months next week) cannot put himself to sleep. If we put him down in his co sleeper without being totally in a deep sleep he just cannot do it himself and fusses for a bit and hten starts crying. I know this can be totally normal, but between naps (3-4 per day depending on the length) and putting him to bed at night (sometimes having to do it a few times) I'm getting very tired and sore. I've been using the Moby lately to help with the neck and back pain, but I often find that he wakes up when being taken out of it at night so I don't like to for bedtime.

DH is working super long days so I'm pretty much a "single mom" til February and doing all of these naps/bedtimes alone.

The thing is he needs to fuss himself to sleep in my arms (or Moby) as well. I WISH he'd nurse and fall asleep, but that's happened once. Otherwise he's in my arms and we have to WALK and bounce (I can't even rock him in our nice comfy chair) him to sleep with him fussing/fighting/and just now he's began with crying as well.

Add in getting up every 2 hours or less at night and I will admit - I'm exhausted and losing it.

Did anyone else have these issues? I have No Cry Nap and Sleep Sol. but I haven't found anything particularly helpful about this in there.

Thoughts?

[mom61508]

Originally Posted by CrunchyKnitter

I'm at the point where I am seeing my chiropractor every other day, partly b/c of this issue and I'm getting super burnt out.

DS (4 months next week) cannot put himself to sleep. If we put him down in his co sleeper without being totally in a deep sleep he just cannot do it himself and fusses for a bit and hten starts crying. I know this can be totally normal, but between naps (3-4 per day depending on the length) and putting him to bed at night (sometimes having to do it a few times) I'm getting very tired and sore. I've been using the Moby lately to help with the neck and back pain, but I often find that he wakes up when being taken out of it at night so I don't like to for bedtime.

DH is working super long days so I'm pretty much a "single mom" til February and doing all of these naps/bedtimes alone.

The thing is he needs to fuss himself to sleep in my arms (or Moby) as well. I WISH he'd nurse and fall asleep, but that's happened once. Otherwise he's in my arms and we have to WALK and bounce (I can't even rock him in our nice comfy chair) him to sleep with him fussing/fighting/and just now he's began with crying as well.

Add in getting up every 2 hours or less at night and I will admit - I'm exhausted and losing it.

Did anyone else have these issues? I have No Cry Nap and Sleep Sol. but I haven't found anything particularly helpful about this in there.

Thoughts?

That's totally normal for a 4 month old. DD is 18 months and still has a hard time falling asleep without my help.
Does your LO seem uncomfortable? Sounds to me like something is making him uncomfortable. Maybe he's reacting to something your eating/drinking? Dairy,gluten, etc can cause problems for LOs thru our BM.
I find it normal for a 4 month old to wake every 2 hours to nurse through out the night but not to fuss and cry at night for no reason...you know? I also find it strange he won't nurse to sleep??? Hmmm maybe that's just his personality. That happened so naturally for DD. the boob still makes her fall asleep

[Louisep]

Yes, we experienced this too and it has lessened over time. The fussing to sleep stopped when I finally figured out how many naps he needed and got him to sleep before he was over tired. He needed way more naps than I could possibly believe. I held DS for naps (in the rocking chair) until he was about 5 months and then I would walk him to sleep in the mei tai and transfer him to the family bed. I had to lie down with him. Then, at 9.5 months he changed, just like that, and I was able to just lie down next to him until he dozed off. I still have to be next to him or he will wake up.

It will get better, some babies just seem so much more sensitive than others.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by Louisep

Yes, we experienced this too and it has lessened over time. The fussing to sleep stopped when I finally figured out how many naps he needed and got him to sleep before he was over tired. He needed way more naps than I could possibly believe. I held DS for naps (in the rocking chair) until he was about 5 months and then I would walk him to sleep in the mei tai and transfer him to the family bed. I had to lie down with him. Then, at 9.5 months he changed, just like that, and I was able to just lie down next to him until he dozed off. I still have to be next to him or he will wake up.

It will get better, some babies just seem so much more sensitive than others.

I am sorry you are having such a rough time with this.

My 15 mo "still" cannot put himself to sleep. It is a skill that can take years for some children. I suggest getting a new perspective/expectation of your baby's sleep patterns. You are only 4 months in, there is a long road ahead.

My DS always fussed/cried to sleep as well (in my arms) until he was about 9 months old and one day it clicked.. he now nurses to sleep laying down in bed.. 90% of the time he does not fight it at all, and actually ASKS to go to sleep ("ni-nite" "milka milka"). Things will get better, but it took a long time.

Rather than trying to change your baby's sleep (because, without a LOT of work, you just can't) you need to find ways to make it work better, and find ways to feel more rested. Can you wrap your baby in a blanket (rather than the Mei Tie) and rock/bounce to sleep, then transfer to your bed and if he wakes up nurse back to sleep on the bed? That is the only way I could put my DS down for a long time. What about just wearing him for his naps and getting some stuff done around the house?

I know you said your DH is working a lot right now, but is there anyone else who can help you out? Can you hire a 'mother's helper' to come once/twice a week for an hour?

Here are a list of things that have helped us--

*Keeping the bedroom DARK (blackout curtains), quiet, and having white noise
*I nap when he naps
*Learning to nurse laying down, so that I can 'rest' while nursing
*DH takes Liam every morning until 7 (when he leaves for work) so I get a little extra sleep
*Cosleeping/bedsharing
*DH takes Liam out every saturday morning for a couple hours and lets me sleep in
*Reading NCSS and Sleepless in America
*Having a bedtime routine, and keeping a loose schedule/routine to the day (always BF'ing on demand, but we do the same thing in the morning/afternoon/evening so he gets that those different parts of the day are for different things)

I hope you get some help and rest soon Mama!

[Voltige]

My first son, now 4 years old, was similar. He never fell asleep nursing after the first few weeks or so We went through MANY stages with his sleep. At 4 months he was routinely sleeping in his infant carseat (bucket) for naps and night. It was actually an easier period for us- I could plop him in, buckle him up, and rock the thing back and forth on the floor, in a dark room with white noise. This worked very well for a while until he outgrew the seat. I recall nap and bedtime battles where I would eventually just lie down with him out of exhaustion and hold him in my arms (bear hug) while he cried and eventually passed out. He just would NOT nurse to sleep and seemed to need the release of crying before being able to let go and SLEEP.

My 5 month old is so different- he nurses to sleep for naps and bed. MUCH easier in many ways, but a different set of challenges all together.

Hang in there. It will get easier. Have you tried swaddling? Bouncing on an exercise ball? A walk in the stroller?

[Wendlynnn]

"The Lull-A-Baby Sleep Plan" by Cathryn Tobin MD has some great, gentle ideas starting right at this age. I'd def. check it out.

[LeahG]

We had a very similar situation and can say that it does get better. The first 4 months really are the worst. Our LO had silent reflux, but also an undiagnosed cow milk protein allergy and gluten, egg and soya intolerance. It made a HUGE difference looking at her diet. Dr Sears baby book has some tips on an elimination diet (and think on the web too) to get to the bottom of intolerances and allergies.

Another thing it could be is the sensory environment. If your child is sensory sensitive the can get over stimulated very easily and then need the rocking to calm themselves down. Baby Sense by Meg Faure is a fantastic book for understanding the sensory world of your baby. It has helpful sleep stuff in it, but she does have a sleep training section from 6 months (which you can ignore). I would highly recommend it in your situation.

Hang in there. I had a nightmare start too and I now have an absolutely wonderful daughter, who is still a crappy sleeper, but is bright intelligent and so much fun to be with.

[newmomrose]

I know the feeling mama!

My 9-month-old usually needs to be walked/bounced to sleep, but it has definitely gotten easier over time. One thing that worked really well at that age, when she was taking more and shorter naps during the day was bouncing on the exercise ball. I would hold her in a blanket or put her in the ERGO and just bounce away while catching up on email and surfing the internet. Now she sometimes falls asleep nursing (happened tonight), and sometimes can fall asleep with rocking and singing. A rocking chair on its own never worked for us, but somehow the movement of the ball is different.

All of the above advice is good, and hopefully you'll find another routine that works! If not, you might try another carrier that is easier on your back? Your baby will probably need fewer naps soon, so even if the sleep routine continues, it won't be as often as it is now. Good luck! Hang in there!

[CrunchyKnitter]

Thank you so much everyone for the advice and hugs (and just understanding). Thankfully we had a decent night last night (only up every 2 hours which I was thankful for) so I got some more rest! I am going to check out all of those books recommended - I have the Baby Book so I'm going to look at the diet issues as well.

He's also going with me (and getting done) to the chiropractor today so that should make him feel better.