We have a tough time the same time each day. Need ideas.

[Llyra]

It's when DD1 first gets home from school. She takes the bus, which drops her right up at the top of our parking lot. That's at 4 pm. It's right exactly at that time that my twins who are 2 typically wake up from their nap.

The problem is that first, I have two needy toddlers climbing on me. They want to cuddle, because it takes them awhile to wake up. DD comes in, and she's all jazzed. She loves school, and she sort of explodes into the house, bursting with things she wants to tell me. She's usually kinda tired, hungry, and needs to pee. What happens is she winds up standing in the middle of the room still in her coat and shoes, talking a million miles an hour at the top of her lungs, while the twins are hanging on me and begging for milk. DD is dancing from one foot to the other because she clearly needs to pee, and tracking dirt on my living room carpet because her outside shoes are still on. I try to quietly remind her of the routine I've been trying to establish:

What I need her to do is to take off her shoes, go pee, put her coat away, and then sit down calmly and tell me what she wants to tell me.

She ignores me, and keeps talking. This happens many times. Finally I lose my patience and snap at her, and she goes to pieces. Then she has a big emotional outburst, and is STILL tracking dirt on the floor and is clearly desperate because she STILL hasn't been to the bathroom. So then I have to put the toddlers down to go manually assist DD in getting her shoes off, and getting her into the bathroom, and then of course the twins have a breakdown.

Every day I imagine a nice scene where we all cuddle together on the couch, and feel happy about DD being home, and hear all her stories and join in her joy about her wonderful day.

And every day, we wind up with this scene.

The teacher says they have a chance to go to the bathroom right after school. She says DD goes, most days.

[rhiandmoi]

Is there any way you can get the twins down for their nap 30 mins earlier or later so you can get them up 30 mins earlier or later?

It sounds like your DD still needs some help with her routine when she first comes home from school, and the only way you will be able to help her is if you aren't also trying to help the twins.

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by rhiandmoi

Is there any way you can get the twins down for their nap 30 mins earlier or later so you can get them up 30 mins earlier or later?

It sounds like your DD still needs some help with her routine when she first comes home from school, and the only way you will be able to help her is if you aren't also trying to help the twins.

I've tried the earlier time. They just don't sleep. My fear with the later time is that it will run too close to bedtime. They have to go to bed early, because they share a room with DD, and she has to go to bed early, because of how early her day starts and how long it runs.

[just_lily]

I would definitely try to move naptime up too. You may have to move their lunch earlier too. Try just five or ten minutes earlier a day, so it won't be such a big shock.

Then I would distract everyone with food. Try to have your toddlers at the table already, and your older DD's snack already laid out as soon as she walks in the door. She still needs to pee and hang up her coat, but then she can sit down and tell you about her day while she eats.

And then after that, when everyone is a little calmer, you can have your cuddle time.

[mamazee]

I have a baby and a school aged kid. My dd is ravenous when she gets home and has to eat and get her blood sugar back up or she's a bear.

I do the following:

Have snack (with protein) waiting for her. No prep time after she gets there.

Have a list by the door reminding her of what to do. (Take off boots, hang up coat, eat snack, etc.) She's so hungry when she gets home and excited to show me something or tell me something that she also has a hard time remembering what to do.

If she forgets to hang up her coat and just throws it on the floor, I get food in her and get her blood sugar back up before I remind her about the coat.

I'd relax on the coat for that period of time should she forget, and when you talk about the shoes, talk about the snack too. "OK now, take your shoes off and go eat your snack. I've got *** waiting for you in the kitchen!" Get her mind on the food. Then when she has eaten, say, "Oh, and you forgot to hang up your coat. How about if you go quickly get that, honey." Or whatever.

Also, kids are weird about using the bathroom at school for a while after they start going. I don't get it, but it's common. They'd rather go at home. My dd would hold it in all day last year until she started having constipation problems and I figured out what was going on. If a nature is calling a little kid, they really need to heed that call. She finally did get more relaxed about using the toilet at school.

[lthw]

I totally agree about the food. When I pick 4yo dd up from preschool, she's usually kind of a mess, sometimes bursting into a tantrum for no reason, while shoving artwork into my hands, and there are other kids and parents around, everyone wanting to catch up at the worst time. It's often kind of a mess, and it's hard to get dd out the door to the car. BUT if I can remember to bring a pack of Annie's fruit bunnies (she loves them), I hand them to her as soon as I see her come out the classroom door and she is much more easily guided straight to the car, past all the madness - because she is happy about her (pre)snack. Then I'm able to get her in a good frame of mind for the ride home, and a nutritious snack when we get home. Generally, I also agree about the snack with protein, I just know dd needs something a little more enticing to distract her through the transition after school.
HTH! good luck.

[MrsH]

Omg I have the same picture in my living room, though less frequently these days! Man, teh emotions that respond from the simple requests... ouch!

We also have a list reminding her of what to do when she first gets in the door. I actually walk her home from school so try to get the positive vibes going then. When we get close to the house I remind her: "now when we get inside, we'll take off our shoes and you'll go to the bathroom, then our snack will be ready!" Maybe when you first see her you could do a "it's so nice to see you! why don't you take your shoes off and run to the bathroom, I can't wait to hear about your day." It just sets a little more positive tone. Also, talking about this routine/plan during a calm time (like during dinner or something) might help her be more prepared for it.

Oh and when the older one stands talking talking talking instead of doing what she's supposed to I sometimes say "wow, it sure sounds like there's a lot to tell me! what was the thing you're supposed to do first when you come home?" She usually runs off to go do it, minus the meltdown.

Good luck!