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God help me, I feel like I will never be happy again**horrible update no. 24** - Page 2

post #21 of 64
I am so sorry! My mom had a stroke 2 weeks after my ds was born in 2006. She was 47. It was a complete shock.

She is doing *okay* now, she can't talk very well, or work, or read or count, but she is still here!

post #22 of 64
Couldn't read this and not give you a You and your whole family will be in my prayers tonight...
post #23 of 64
Stella_Luna, just wondering how you and your mother are doing. Hope you're holding up okay and that your mother is making improvements. Sending you peace and joy.
post #24 of 64
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your support. This past week has been a total nightmare. Two days after my mother's stroke, her life partner of 20 years died suddenly, also from a massive hemorrhagic stroke. I can't believe this is real. So now his kids and my sisters and I are planning his funeral while dealing with my mom's stroke as well.

We haven't even told her yet as she is still at high risk of another stroke and her doctors are very concerned about how that news will affect her recovery. I was actually screaming at her pastor in the hospital, "WHY DOES GOD HATE MY MOM SO MUCH?!?!?!" I feel like I am having a stroke myself throughout much of the day.

Of course, now all of a sudden I and my siblings have to scramble around to take care of her house, figure out how to pay her bills, and call millions of people with the double bad news. Spouses are supposed to do this for each other . . . we don't know their friends or how to manage their household. My own life is gone. I haven't eaten a meal or slept in days.

In the meantime, my mom has been discharged to a rehab hospital. I know that is a positive step but she still seems so weak and can't do anything, even talk intelligibly beyond a word or two. Last week she was a college chemistry professor. Now she doesn't know how old she is or how to spell her own name.

What a $^%^$(*^$ nightmare this is. What a living hell.
post #25 of 64
I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine what you are going through. Couldn't read and not post.
post #26 of 64
I'm so so sorry.
post #27 of 64
Oh my god. I am so sorry.

I am sending thoughts of strength and perseverance your way. You will get through this. You will.
post #28 of 64
what a nightmare. I'm so so sorry. Wishing you strength.
post #29 of 64
I am so sorry. (((hugs))) is all I can think of right now. It was awful when it happened for us, but things have gotten better. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
post #30 of 64
I'm so sorry.
post #31 of 64
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. So friggin horrible.

Beth
post #32 of 64
I am so, so very sorry.
post #33 of 64
I am so so sorry
post #34 of 64
post #35 of 64
Oh my goodness that is unbelievably hard. I am so sorry. Prayers for your family at this time.
post #36 of 64
I'm so sorry!
post #37 of 64
post #38 of 64
Oh, my, how devastating. You have every right to feel angry and bewildered.

I don't want any of this post to sound trite or condescending; after living through the death of a child, I would just like to say please please please try to be gentle with yourself, and know that life will NOT always feel this way.

Take one day at a time, and if that's too much right now, just do one hour at a time.

Pull out any self-care/restorative ideas for yourself...could you get a massage, talk to a counselor, sit alone in nature, write in a journal, etc? Your mom is going to need you for many months, so it's vitally important that YOU keep filling YOUR needs, otherwise you won't have anything left to give. Share the load with your siblings, and let the doctors help decide when would be the right time and way to share the news of her partner's passing with your mom.

You don't have to do this alone. Have people been asking what they can do? Then give them something specific. "Yes, actually, if you could...(for example) cut the grass, do some laundry, give my brother a ride to the airport, find a home for this pet, come with me to the hospital, arrange to have my mail held, bring us a meal on Friday, etc etc we would be so grateful." Most people who offer really would like to help, they just don't know what to do. Delegate anything you can to someone else.

Most importantly, you're doing the best you can, and that's all you can do.

I'll be praying that you can find some measure of relief in the coming days and weeks. And God doesn't hate your mother; never, never could He. We live in an imperfect and often nonsensical world in our imperfect bodies, and sometimes things just go awfully, horribly, insanely wrong. But God is ultimately the essence of love and perfectness. He loves your mother with this perfect love and never wishes evil.

So, so sorry this is your reality right now. I pray that despite this nightmare, you can find some clarity and calm. Peace to you.
post #39 of 64
Oh dear god I just don't have words. Again, I am so so sorry.
post #40 of 64

I don't really know what to say either. I'm surrounded by bad news and death right now, myself.

Just know we are thinking about you and your loved ones
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