Newly walking little brother and "MINE, MINE, MINE!"

[MittensKittens]

I'm going crazy at the moment - all morning my three year old DD has been doing nothing other than yelling and shouting "No, that's mine, MINE, don't touch that!", pushing her brother when he attempts to touch any toy at all, and spending time moving toys around so he can't get to them. It is like a constant meltdown. Now that my one year old can get around much quicker, he really does get into anything and explores whatever he can get his hands on.

I know this is probably really common, which is why I would like to ask BTDT moms how you deal with this kind of situation. I'd like everyone to remain happy and safe, and I'd also like to not have to spend my entire time refereeing two kids, as I also WAH.

[ann_of_loxley]

I don't have my own child (sibling that is lol) - yet!...But I have some experience with this as I childmind a child who is one years old in our own home (my son is four).

Some ideas I have for you might be:

If its a toy they are playing with that can get seriously interrupted by small child (like, a puzzle or train track or marble run, etc) - set up a place for them that they can play with it without being interrupted and/or go somewhere else with small child. You don't need to be in eachothers arms all day long - my son is pretty independent so he can play quite happy by himself. I realise this might be a problem for some children but mums are not superwoman - we can't do it all, all the time. Explain/stress to them that if they really want to play with said toy with no interruptions, then you really will have to go somewhere else with small child. If its really important to them, then they will be happy for some time alone.

Make a box or a shelf or a corner or the top bunk bed or wherever - that small child can not reach - that special imprortant, really 'theirs' toys that they have can be put to stay safe. This may require a few conversations about things that are not exclusively 'theirs' but the families as a whole - but I find this idea can lessen the load. They can be quite happy with that small box set aside that only they can access themselves - meaning they start to care less about the rest of it that isn't in the box and/or can't fit in the box.

Babies can be pretty non-existant to small child at first. Okay, they take up some of mummys time but we can get through this...then all of a sudden they become mobile - and they are no longer just taking up mummys time, they are taking up your entire life!...Imagine how you would feel if your husband brought home another wife and expected you to share the house, the chores, your clothes, your toys, etc with her. How would that make you feel?!... So try and validate your DDs feelings. It can really help her to know that you understand how she feels. It may also help her to know that you have unconditional love for her no matter what - so that she can better express herself and her feelings to you in an appropriate way (you may need to suggest ideas about this with her). Its nice to know that someone is listening and that somone does care and is trying to understand you - even to a toddler.

Signs! - Make signs! This might sound like a silly idea but I have found them very helpful. Set aside some time where you two can have some one on one time - and make a sign together. To fit your situation of course. You could make a 'No pushing - Gentle touches' sign - with pictures of nice things like kisses and cuddles and other signs of gentle touching. Put it up on the wall in a family area. Its a nice reminder - and your DD helped to make it to so such reminders stick better! (we have a 'quiet time' sign we made for the evening - its fabulous! lol My son is so proud of the sign he made and puts it on the wall himself - with blue tac lol - every evening! Now everyones needs are respected in the evening - his need to stay up and not go to bed until we do, and our need for some peace and relaxation! lol)... You could even make an 'Ours' sign or something - where you can put that include toys your DD would like to share with her brother. So perhaps your children can each have a box? That way you can perhaps honour eachothers spaces.

[MittensKittens]

Thank you for your novel! Lots of ideas there.

I like the special "older child" corner, and will see how I can set up something like that. Not convinced on the signs but I don't see why we shouldn't try that - it will probably make for a nice crafty afternoon or two!

What really bugs me is how non-gentle DD is when she wants to stop her brother from taking toys. Pushing, hitting... it all seems acceptable to her, and when he starts crying and I ask her what happened, she'll just reply "I hit little brother!" . I guess working on "special" time with her and getting her special big kid treats (like playdough, which we do quite often) is the key, but it's not always all possible when you are trying to run a household, and work a full time job from home.

[NicaG]

My oldest is 4.5 and the baby's 14 months....we have a rule that if ds takes a toy away from the baby, he has to give her something else to play with.

We also talk about how it's no fun when the baby's crying and upset, because then I don't have time to play with ds. He likes it when I play with him, so he can see the advantage of keeping the baby happy.

[AbbieB]

My "mine" kid is 6 and her brother is 2.

I have been working with my DD about what family is and what family does for each other. So when the little one comes along and "wrecks" her project I am reminding her that families like to play with each other, or are interested in each other and also that families are tolerant of each others needs. It has been helping her understand why her brother does this, rather than just getting really mad and thinking that he is being mean to her.

We set up her top bunk as her private play space. If she wants to work uninterrupted that is a place to be. I also am sure to remind her that it's a good time to work on a project when her brother is sleeping or in the tub, or in his high chair.

I try to be sensitive to her needs and will often try to distract DS when I know DD needs the space.

The good news with all of this is that DD has become really good at working around her brother. She has figured out that distraction is a great tool and when that fails giving him a few crayons, blocks, or a Barbie of his own will gain her the space she needs.

I try to be sensitive