Green-Eyed Monster

[VisionaryMom]

DS has been complaining about not wanting to go to school. So, this morning I finally asked him what's going on, and he said it's because the other kids talk about toys that they have. He doesn't know what some of them are. They also talk about places we don't go (Chuck E. Cheese apparently is a big one). DS doesn't go for explanations along the lines of "all families do things differently." His response is that we can then choose to do things like the other families do.

So, how do I address this without what I feel is a natural segue into him believing that the other families are wrong? I feel they're wrong, but I certainly don't want him to feel that way about his friends. Plus I don't want him going to school saying, "hey, my mom said your parents are consumeristic."

The toys aren't (for the most part) things we oppose ethically. They're just...plastic crap. A lot of them are from movies and things my kids haven't seen (Star Wars, Spider-Man) that I have no real desire for them to see. Others are over-the-top gadgets and things that just don't fit our lifestyle. What should I say?

[MamaStarbird]

Given that he's asking to stay home rather than asking for toys, it sounds to me like he really just feels left out since he can't talk to the other kids about what they're interested in and understand what they're talking about. Can he go play at a kid's house who has some of these super awesome toys so he feels less left out? Or visit an indoor playground that's a less annoying/commercial version of Chuck E Cheese, if that's what your issue with C.E.C is? What exactly does your son want to do like other families? Buy those toys? See those movies? Go to those places?

The other families aren't wrong, they really do just have different values. Your son may have different values than you at this stage in his life, too, and that's worth considering. Is it wrong for him to value material things because they allow him to communicate with and befriend his peers?

[Cherry Alive]

If your son wants to do or have very specific things to fit in, would it hurt to maybe let him do/have a couple small things that don't totally irk you? Another thought is to find a group of people that are like-minded as you and have children (lots and lots of kids around your DS's age). If there was a natural parenting club, that'd be awesome. If not, perhaps look into putting him into an extra-curricular class that does something fun that he likes. Then he could find other kids that share interests with him which may make going to school a little more bearable.

I've been there as a kid. My folks wouldn't even get me popular things I really, really wanted. Example - my father forced me to wear clogs instead of a pair of Zip shoes I desperately wanted... He also threw out a cute fleecy sweatshirt I was very attached to—just because other kids were wearing them. He was very hung up on me being a "hippy" child, but the problem is there were no other kids around like that—except one of his friends' kids, and she was a psychotic bully. I had nothing that felt like it was attached to my own identity.

[pjs]

As the mom of a 7.5 yo, I'd recommend letting him watch star wars. As a girl it never interested me at all, but this is all my kid talks about. He doesn't go to school, has very limited tv, but somehow, some way star wars got in. I now get those dk reader star wars books from the library (even borrowed the star wars encyclopedia) and have let him watch a movie or two (I can't remember- it may have been the same movie two times, it all seems the same to me). Does he get to watch the occasional movie? Star wars, imo, is much better than that disney, pixar junk.

[momasana]

When I was a kid I was convinced that I was the only child on the planet who had never eaten at Taco Bell. My folks finally got tired of my whining about it and let me go there with one of my friend’s families. For a while I was all about Taco Bell, thinking it was the most awesome thing ever. Then one day it dawned on me “This food isn’t good. Why would anyone eat here?” and I never went there again. Somehow it was more meaningful for me to decide that it wasn’t good than to have my parents tell me that it wasn’t good.

I understand the desire to protect your child from all of the junk that is out there, but there is value in allowing him experience some of it (within healthy, age appropriate, and safe limits) and letting him decide for himself what he thinks of it all. Chances are, he is going to agree with your family values and all that you have taught him up to this point, but it will mean more if he thinks he is the one that came up with it, you know?