Ideas/expectations you had before you became a parent

[Galatea]

Anyone care to share their ideas or expectations about being a parent that they had before they were a parent (and that were not met)?

For me, it was that I would be happy being a SAHM and unschooling and would always cook real meals. After 5 years, I finally had to give up the ghost and accept that I need to work and that my kids really love school and that I love that they are there and that eating out is not a sin!

One I hear a lot from expectant parents in my store is this idea that the husband gets to determine whether they use cloth diapers, or breast-feed, or whatever else that really falls upon the mother. I see people get into such heated debates over this stuff that it is clearly a proxy for other control issues. For dh and I, it was about circumcision - we screamed and swore about it, and today it is such a non-issue. I can see why it happens - having a baby is scary and lots of weird fights play out during the pregnancy.

Or the people who spend all their time picking crib bedding and decorating a nursery and choosing a stroller - never mind that in 3 months, none of it will matter one bit!

So what did you focus on before you became a parent, and how did your ideas change after?

[VisionaryMom]

For me I thought that reasoning skills would work for all of our problems. I viewed this life where I said "okay, this is why we shouldn't do X," and my child would get it and comply. Naive. I know. My 2nd child actually is a bit like that, but not my first. He was a real eye-opener.

[BetsyS]

Yes, I totally thought that you would tell a child to do something, they'd say "yes, ma'am", and they'd do it.

I also thought that if you followed all the rules (homemade baby food, offering a wide variety, etc, etc), then your kids would eat anything, and be those "good eaters" that everyone admires.

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

For me I thought that reasoning skills would work for all of our problems. I viewed this life where I said "okay, this is why we shouldn't do X," and my child would get it and comply. Naive. I know. My 2nd child actually is a bit like that, but not my first. He was a real eye-opener.

Yeah, I had this idea, too. Now I know better. If the child asks me why, I will explain, but otherwise I just expect compliance without a dissertation.

[Teenytoona]

This is more about transition from stepmom to mom. I thought you could raise a kid to be mild mannered, and a non-tantrumer. Both DSS3 and DSD4 were never the sort to flip out, scream, tantrum (well they had their moments, but it didn't happen several times a day). I thought tantrumming kids meant a parent who wasn't doing something right.

Then I gave birth to DD. And now I know tantrumming kids are just born that way. Or, they get it from their tantrumming mothers.

Before I became a stepmom though, I was never having kids. Heh.

[Sierra]

I thought I was going to be more patient than I am. I was totally 100% blown away that I too -- yes, that would be moi -- would sometimes wind up yelling at my kids and having to apologize later.

I thought my wealth of experience and knowledge could just be put into practice and I'd do great. I came into parenthood with a lot of experience with kids and well-trained in parenting topics. I didn't know how many times I would find myself saying or doing something (or more NOT doing something) with my kids when I know better, and that practicing what I preach was going to be as hard as it is.

I thought I'd want to play with my kids more than I do. I didn't realize that a lot of the time I'd rather they'd play around me, but not with me.

Before I was a mom, my wife and I made a list of our family values. Now that we have kids, I've learned that one of the family values I have but I didn't know that I have is adventure!

[Cherry Alive]

It's only 9 months so I have not really been very surprised yet...except I am amazed at how doable parenting at the baby stage is. I thought it'd be so much harder. I must have gotten lucky with an "easy" baby. She never cries or fusses unless she has a reason...and all of the reasons have been fairly straight-forward to figure out.

I guess I miss my energy. I'm a little depressed. Swore that wouldn't happen, because I went through a lot to have DD (2 m/cs...difficult pregnancy), but it has. My DH, though, keeps asking where I get "all that energy" from, though, so maybe I shouldn't complain.

I'm curious, though, how things will change as DD gets older. Each stage will have its own set of challenges and I hear pleasant babies can easily become trying toddlers, preschoolers, tweens or teens. I love my DD whoever she is.

[hermionesmum]

I didn't really believe that I'd get to the end of my patience with the kids, or that I'd get fed up with the mundane slog of it all. Even though I still think it's the best job in the world.

[MusicianDad]

My expectation about being a parent before I became a parent was that I wouldn't be one. Obviously that's changed.

[funkymamajoy]

I wasn't going to be one of those moms who wears her baby like an accessory, my kids weren't going to sleep with me, I would wean by 12 months, they would be the most well behaved kids ever.

And I was never going to cloth diaper.

Then I had a high needs baby who slapped the smug right off of me.

[Red Pajama]

My husband and I refered to kids in church as "birth control". Ours would certainly never act that way, especially not in public.

Well, we most often have good days, but the bad days almost always have an audience. So I've eaten those words plenty of times.

[~pi]

I thought (wrongly) that I would prefer the baby stage.

I liked it, but the older DS gets, the more I enjoy parenting.

[felix23]

[QUOTE=funkymamajoy;14783319]I wasn't going to be one of those moms who wears her baby like an accessory, my kids weren't going to sleep with me, I would wean by 12 months, they would be the most well behaved kids ever.

And I was never going to cloth diaper.

Then I had a high needs baby who slapped the smug right off of me.[/
QUOTE]


Me too. I was going to have this perfect baby that never cried because I wore her all the time and she would love it. And I would never give her sugar to eat or let her watch tv. We were going to be this perfect little waldorf family.

She is currently watching Nick Jr. while eating M&M's. And both of my childre hated babywearing and my first cried for like a solid year.

I got humbled real quick.

I'm working on doing more crafts with her, because I that is one thing I really wished I did more of.

Also, I was going to be right back to my normal size because of nursing. Well, that didn't happen. I'm jealous of all the people who lose weight while nursing.

[Mama2Bug]

I thought that if I offered my baby the foods that we eat, she'd learn to eat a variety of "adult" foods.

I thought that breastfeeding would be completely effortless and that I'd never have to give a thought to my supply, her latch or anything else.

I believed that, if I loved my child, I wouldn't need a break from her or need to vent about her quirks. I imagined myself in a state of blissed-out mama love 100% of the time.

I thought that having a baby would immediately convert my husband into a "grown-up" and that he'd just instantly want to help with everything.

[lifeguard]

Really (so far) the only surprise is that I can't just put him in his crib at night & have him sleep through 'til morning by this point. In retrospect it is because my friends are all LIARS - not one of them mentioned to me night time stuff before ds was born (& ALLLLL my friends have children older than ds). It's weird 'cause they were very honest about everything else but I guess the not sleeping thing is such a taboo in our culture they were embarassed about it.

[ChristyMarie]

I thought the baby came home, slept in his crib and mommy and daddy could have adult time at night while he slept.



We now call the crib the giant hamper because holding laundry is all it is good for. On the rare occassion DS would go down early I was too exhausted to stay up and would join him.

I also thought my child would be clean all the time. HA!

[Storm Bride]

My parenting journey has been much different than I expected it to be, but more because of my c-sections, and some other unexpected bumps and traumas (never expected the secondary infertility, the divorce, the miscarriages, or most of the all, the stillbirth of my son) and the impact they've had on me.

I had a pretty realistic vision of what parenting was going to be like, actually. The only real shock was that learning to breastfeed was hard. I really thought I was just going to pop ds1 on there, and that would be that. I didn't know about cracked, bleeding nipples, and crying when the baby got hungry, because I knew how much it was going to hurt.

Where I did get tripped up was when I had dd1. I figured I had it all mastered. My son was 10, and he was a great kid, and parenting had been hard work (as expected), but fairly easy to figure out, overall. Yeah - I was a great parent...to a very energetic, intelligent, but also fairly even-tempered, eager-to-please kid. I didn't do so well with a child who cried for four straight hours every night, hated being worn (at least by me), hated being rocked, hated being sung to, and got wired when she nursed. I sucked at being dd1's mom.

[Porcelain Interior]

I thought I would spank. Everyone around me did and then I saw my SIL's neices (one with ADHD) and they were miserable and atrocious to be around. Spanking wasn't working and I started thinking maybe it had more to do with relationships between parents/children that spanking being the answer.

So when I got pregnant at 16 and had my first daughter at 17 I was surprised that spanking wasn't something I ever even thought of doing and slowly became repulsed by the very idea. The first time it was suggested to me by my DH I thought "Why would I hit our child to help her learn how to act?" And we were both like, yeah that seems really stupid.

So we just didn't.

And I think I thought I'd be harder and more harsh with them, after seeing other people's children "walk all over them" and finding that really bad parenting lol I had kids and realized sometimes you just don't want to unleash the beast. Sometimes you decide to let things go.

For the most part though I had kids so early that I didn't have a parenting plan or an idea of how it would be. I just did instinctual parenting, and I used a little of the "if my parents did it, I'm not going to" and it's worked really well so far.

[Megamus]

Honestly, I can't remember what my expectations were. I think they were completely vague and non-concrete because I had no idea what it was like to be a parent, KWIM? I do know that it was -and is- much harder than I expected. Even though Xander was a really easy baby it was still harder emotionally than I ever expected.

[BrittneyMarie]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

I thought the baby came home, slept in his crib and mommy and daddy could have adult time at night while he slept.

This!