Post Partum Thread - Page 3

[Tattooed Hand]

Rassa has gone from being a little angel to being a cranky, difficult gastro intestinal mess! We've had 2 really awful days and nights where she won't really sleep more than 20-30 minutes. and goes from 0 to screaming in a matter of seconds. All last night she tried to latch on, would get my (now really sore) nipples in her mouth and doze off, only to rouse a couple of minutes later infuriated that it had slipped out of her mouth. She's been farting, throwing up and straining and making a lot of really wet, poopy diapers. It's not enough to hold her, she screams if she's not right at my breast.

what can I do? is this normal?

[evinmom]

Originally Posted by Tattooed Hand

Rassa has gone from being a little angel to being a cranky, difficult gastro intestinal mess! We've had 2 really awful days and nights where she won't really sleep more than 20-30 minutes. and goes from 0 to screaming in a matter of seconds. All last night she tried to latch on, would get my (now really sore) nipples in her mouth and doze off, only to rouse a couple of minutes later infuriated that it had slipped out of her mouth. She's been farting, throwing up and straining and making a lot of really wet, poopy diapers. It's not enough to hold her, she screams if she's not right at my breast.

what can I do? is this normal?

She sounds a lot like my DD. I kept telling the ped something was wrong but kept getting brushed off. Finally when she was 8 months old we found out she is severely allergic to everything. She developed horrible eczema around 5-6 weeks, never slept until after her 3rd birthday, and would swell and get hives if she even touched an allergen. The stinky poops/farts and constant screaming was what made me think allergies to begin with. Stupid ped just thought I was crazy.

[ithappened]

I'm sort of getting worried as my DH seems to already be 'getting sick of the crying'.

Its too bad. I really was afraid this might happen. He kept saying I was blowing this (having kids) out of proportion when I was pregnant and it was going to be 'no big deal' and 'wasn't changing much'.. . . well, guess who was 'right'?

I feel like the last 10 days has really blind sided him and he's not even the one who is up at night BFing and CDing the little guy on top of recovery for labor. Dh doesn't do well when he doesn't sleep and well, he's getting woken up and I think its already taken a toll of him.. suggestions?

I am trying my best not to feel disappointment or resentful but some moments its honestly a little hard. Luckily Linos has been pretty easy for me to manage. I even made xmas cookies tonight one handed


Tattooed Hand- s We have had 1-2 rough nights and I always spent the next day in some form of tears or exhaustion.

[evinmom]

Most fathers have a hard time with the first baby. Especially if they were naive pre-baby and even more so when you have a high needs child. My DH actually developed severe PPD after Gavin was born. Gavin had bfing issues and then severe reflux starting at 2 weeks. He screamed every minute of his waking life. Thankfully he slept well starting around 10 weeks. Before then, I forced DH into taking shifts with me at night. I was exclusively pumping because Gavin couldn't latch so feeding and pumping was like double the work. At night I would go to bed first (real early like 7:30 or 8pm) and DH would take Gavin from then til 1-2am. Then he would go to sleep and I would take Gavin. That way DH got at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. He slept in the guest room when it was my turn to take Gavin. I did my best to nap during the day when Gavin slept, but it was hard because I had to pump and clean pumping supplies and bottles constantly. With Evie both DH and I were in misery since the child would not sleep at all for years. I think we both just kinda got used to it after the first year of sleep deprivation. This time around Everett has only had one bad night when he woke constantly. Otherwise he just wakes every 3-4 hours at night for potty/diaper changes and bf. DH stirs a little when Everett wakes, but otherwise isn't too interrupted by it unless I ask him to change a diaper or rock Everett back to sleep. It's easier on him being his 3rd time around so he doesn't complain.

[Tattooed Hand]

my DH knew we'd be sleep deprived, but he is still hit hard. When she is acting normal (we had a good night where she only woke twice from midnight until 8am, but was awake one of those times marathon eating from 4-5) it is just like late preg for me. But DH is exahusted, even though I only made him wake up at 4:30 to sit up and burp her and change a diaper. The previous bad nights when she cries and fusses, he wakes up from the crying and even tho he isn't doing anything and I am up much longer, acts like he is SO sleep deprived. We are still getting 6-7 hours total, but it's way harder on him. I think it's the nature of what's waking them.

[Tattooed Hand]

also, he came home from work at 8pm. I think it's because he's freaking a little from the new situation at home.

[nannymom]

My dh had a really hard time adjusting to parenting the first go round. So did I. It was really hard on us. We had a really high needs baby and he just wasn't prepared at all. I'm not even sure he knew there would be nights when no one slept.

I also did a really bad job managing my expectations, asking for and recieving help, and coping with resentment. This time has been much better but if I had to do it all over again that first time here is what I would do differntly:

-I wouldn't baby dh or value his rest over mine just b/c he works out side of the home. Taking care of the baby is work that requires rest too. I think treating him differently made him feel like his rest mattered more than mine.
-I would praise his efforts and encourage him to do things his way with the baby so he would feel confident and want to keep trying
-I would make my needs known in a very specfic way such as: I need to take a shower and then spned 30 min. alone take your baby or I know she needs to nurse my nipples need a break please take her away for 10 minutes.
-I would validate and acknowledge the change for him more. I think the 1st go round I was really kind of a bitch because I was so focused on my self and the baby.

Like I said this go round dh is totaly different. He manages much better and my willingness to ask for and recieve help has helpd things a lot too.

[nina_yyc]

Originally Posted by ithappened

I'm sort of getting worried as my DH seems to already be 'getting sick of the crying'.

Its too bad. I really was afraid this might happen. He kept saying I was blowing this (having kids) out of proportion when I was pregnant and it was going to be 'no big deal' and 'wasn't changing much'.. . . well, guess who was 'right'?

I feel like the last 10 days has really blind sided him and he's not even the one who is up at night BFing and CDing the little guy on top of recovery for labor. Dh doesn't do well when he doesn't sleep and well, he's getting woken up and I think its already taken a toll of him.. suggestions?

Ha, I was going to say 'lay the smackdown!' but nannymom is much more diplomatic. Time to nip this in the bud before it becomes a habit...trust me, if you go through a year of this your marriage will be hanging by a thread.

BTW, the first 6 weeks were the hardest with Libby...it was like boot camp. So far Elliot's been really easy, but I think it's different when it's your second.

[cloudbutterfly]

I've been doing the same thing with my DH...letting him sleep because a) he needs more sleep than me, b) he's the one who makes the money and c) he's been sick. I've been trying hard not to feel resentful, not when he slept most of the three days we were in the hospital, not when he's been stepping back from doing as much to take care of the little guy because he's sick and doesn't want to breathe on him. Mostly I've been successful, and it helps that he's still been doing his best to take good care of me despite being sick and unable to handle the baby, but boy am I ready for him to not be sick anymore!!! Before that happened, I wasn't shy about making him change every diaper that needed changing when he was awake and not on the clock. It's been exhausting being the one on parenting duty 24/7.


On a brighter note, now that we've hit the one month mark, I'm starting to become more comfortable with this whole mom thing. Today I even took a shower when I was the only one home, while he slept in the bouncer sitting on the bathmat. I wish we were breastfeeding more comfortably, and leaving the house without DH to help, and somehow his wonderful initial natural sleep schedule has disappeared now that he's suddenly so much less sleepy, but I feel almost competent. Yay! Plus we're getting really close to social smiles and real playing. This weekend seemed to be a big developmental turning point for him. He was awake for a four hour and a six and a half hour stretch yesterday...such a difference. So I'm trying to challenge myself to move out of the wearing pajamas constantly/do nothing but sit on the couch and nurse phase and figure out how to have a little more normalcy, like showering and eating real food when I'm home alone for the day.

I'm also trying to take charge on the sleeping thing and implement some of the techniques I've read about. I should have known better than to brag (or rather mention it proudly to my mother/DH while saying that I didn't want to brag about it) about him sleeping through the night...after two perfect nights like that, he started a weird cluster feeding pattern that put him on a 28-hour day or something. Last night we got to bed at a reasonable hour, even if we didn't get any super long stretches of sleep and ended up awake for three hours just before dawn, so I consider that progress. It must be, since I'm feeling good about things today.

I'm glad I was already being treated for depression pre-pregnancy, because I think if I didn't have the experience and better developed coping and communication skills that's brought me, I'd be in PPD territory by now. As it is, except for when I haven't slept for days and he won't stop nursing in the middle of the night, I'm happy, probably happier than I've ever been. Despite the fact that he's been less involved than he was at first, I just really love my husband so much more now, and I adore my son. He's such a sweet, good baby! As tiring as I find some of our difficulties, at this point I'd take them over all the alternative bullets we've dodged so far...maybe because I'm used to dealing with them now, but I think we've been pretty darn lucky all around.

[ears73]

I am just one big sore boob. That is all.

[ithappened]

phew.

thats all very comforting to hear as I was afraid it was just me.

Time to nip this in the bud before it becomes a habit...trust me, if you go through a year of this your marriage will be hanging by a thread.

I know. I realized this last night so I made a small change just to see what would happen. After feeding DS I have been normally the one then to wake up and change him its made me quickly feel resent that DH gets a solid 8 hours of sleep while I am awake every 1-2 hours.. but last night I decided to wake up my DH and have him do the changing. In fact, I am trying to have DH do all the diapers as of yesterday. I am praising and thanking him every time he does it,, it seems to be working

I figure I am handling input and he can do output and the rest during the day I sort of take it as it comes. I sling DS so I can work and do things normally and when I need a break give him to DH (we both work from home, so its much easier to share the load during the day).

Its also been a HUGE weight off my shoulders to tell him "I am taking a shower, DS just ate, here you go" and I just go take a shower, and let them figure it out. . . ditto a walk- since I don't have the energy/strength yet to go running or swimming I just tell my DH "Im going for a walk in about an hour so, Ill be back in 20 mins or so .. DS is fed, have the time open for him and have fun."

I am actually looking forward to when I can go running again because I will have a sort of routine and a break to look forward too, even if its just 30 mins of 100% me time, I found it makes a HUGE difference in my mood and tolerance of screaming/BFing etc..

Sorry, rambling.. need coffee.

[Awaken]

ithappened- I agree, giving specific requests/directions can work well.

Well, I haven't cried at all until today, and we're almost 2 weeks out. Here I am, utterly defeated by a stupid, @#$#% infant car seat. Already, I hate that thing!! I have never used one before, we've always had convertible seats and just picked the baby up. But someone gave us a nearly-new infant seat, and we had to spend a lot on new seats for our other kids. I can NOT figure out the straps on the darn thing, the baby is like a little ball, how am I supposed to get shoulder straps on and the one between her legs? And the darn things get completely twisted no matter what I do, and it weighs like 30# and the baby itself isn't even 8#! It takes my dh 20 minutes to get her in it right, and I'm going to have to do this alone every day! And I have to get her into it in the middle seat, leaning over the other kids' seats, and we don't have a van, just a regular car, and it's sooooo squished and crowded, I can't see how I'm going to do this every day with 3 kids! I just don't see why it's so complicated- everyone uses one, it can't be that hard!

I went out today with my 7yo DS and the baby to our post-birth chiropractor visit- my first time driving and going out alone since the birth. It went very well, and I was actually in good shape, but the carseat thing and trying to get them both ready, had me in tears and I cried the whole way there, and hours later I'm STILL on the verge of tears!

[Awaken]

And also on the subject of partners, I hate to complain b/c mine is truly wonderful, but he's getting stressed out taking care of both kids every day and this is exactly what happened last time, it got so tense that I felt guilty about resting and just hanging out with the baby, and made myself get up and do more around the house and care for DS. I'm not quite to that point yet, but I am starting to feel bad that he's doing everything and has no down time- compared to me hanging out with the baby he definitely has the harder job. He's sleeping by himself and getting a full night's rest, and I'm sleeping in until 10 every day and getting 6-8 hours of sleep in 1-2 hr intervals!

But my bleeding really increased a few days ago after being nearly gone within a few days of the birth, and I was getting worried it was really something wrong, but I realized I'm just doing too much. So I told him the bleeding is increasing and I MUST lay down and he is taking it seriously.

However, I take care of the kids by myself, all day, every day, for years, with many years to come and almost no breaks plus I do almost everything around the house, and homeschool, and all the school runs. So I know I shouldn't feel bad if he's doing it for a few weeks. Plus they are watching loads of tv which i limit when I'm with them, I'm always doing activities with them and taking them on trips! I worked my tail off the entire pregnancy with housework, etc so I need to take this break b/c it's going to be heavy duty again in a few weeks without a chance for rest.

[ithappened]

fyi: sorry i am typing this one handed..

does anyones DH/partners seem to not be able to handle lack of sleep well? My dh seems to lose ability to function and he loses patients with the baby big time and quickly if he gets less then a 6 or 7 hour block of solid sleep.. . If DS cries for more then 5 minutes DH literally just hands me the baby, walks away and gives me this look of utter disgust.. its not good.

i am trying to not worry yet but i am starting to question if he can hadle this at all and were not even 1 month PP

[DCMama01]

Originally Posted by ithappened

fyi: sorry i am typing this one handed..

does anyones DH/partners seem to not be able to handle lack of sleep well? My dh seems to lose ability to function and he loses patients with the baby big time and quickly if he gets less then a 6 or 7 hour block of solid sleep.. . If DS cries for more then 5 minutes DH literally just hands me the baby, walks away and gives me this look of utter disgust.. its not good.

i am trying to not worry yet but i am starting to question if he can hadle this at all and were not even 1 month PP

Another 1 handed typist here.

But YES, my DP is like this and I am PISSED off. I do everything for her, yet the little he has to do makes him act stressed out. Oh, and he's another one who swore things would be easy. And it is...for HIM. We were around his family the past two days and when he joked about how busy he is with a new baby, I wanted to throw something at him. He usually goes and sleeps on the couch at some point during the night (usually the first diaper changing). What the hell are you tired from???

I have to talk to him soon in a calm manner about things. I haven't said anything recently because I can't bring up the subject without yelling, because I'm irritated as hell with him. (I said something, ok I cursed him out, one night around 3am, when he got irritated because I turned the light on to change her without telling him. The nerve!)

I will be 6 weeks PP on New Years Eve (THank God!!) and he will have to stay home and watch her while I go somewhere and have a drink. I need it. I truthfully, would be just as happy on somebody's couch watching Dick Clark, I just want him to see what it's like to have her alone for longer than 1-2 hrs.

Not to say he doesnt do anything. He will wash clothes, run to the store, get groceries, etc. Every once in awhile, he'll grab her so I can sleep if it was long night. Or he'll watch her while I run to the store. ONCE IN AWHILE.

He just seems to avoid her at times. I know its because she cries most often when she's with him, but thats because he doesn't acknowledge her cues. He thinks she cries alot in defiance. Hello, she's a teeny baby! Her only method of communicating that she needs something is crying. One night, while he was asleep, he muttered something about being jealous that she cries less when she's with me and likes me more. I dont think he realizes he said it. I went easy on him as a result, but now I don't care.

My mom and sis are a savior. If they are around, they snatch her up quickly and tell me to rest. By the time I wake up, I have a clean kitchen, a hot meal, and two loads of clean clothes.

[nina_yyc]

it happened ~ I'd be pissed off too. I don't know what to tell you because I didn't navigate that road very well when we had our 1st. Something like a year later DH told me that he was really scared at that time and wasn't as ready as he thought he was for a baby. I did eventually forgive him and the second time is going better.

I would say 'talk to him' but I know that the whole 'having a talk' thing with my DH always backfires so I know I wouldn't take that advice What does work on my DH is looking for other non-child-related ways to connect, which brings us closer together and helps us work out our stresses more easily.

I think in some ways it's reallly hard for guys because new mothers have so much less support from the community than they used to and husbands get stuck filling the gap, whether it's their thing or not. NOT that it justifies your DH dodging his responsibilities, it's just a tough situation for everyone.

[Tattooed Hand]

My DH gets up and changes diapers (I am now making him get up every 3 hours at night to change them b/c sparing him got our DD diaper rash already, even though we have cloth diapers), but I am still waking up 1-3 times more often to nurse and staying up longer. He acts more tired than me. He says this is because he can't get anything done (because I do ask him to help me) because his schedule is all off and he keeps getting interrupted before he can finish anything and the mental disorder of it is exhausting him. I still can't decide if this is total horsesh*t or not.

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by Tattooed Hand

My DH gets up and changes diapers (I am now making him get up every 3 hours at night to change them b/c sparing him got our DD diaper rash already, even though we have cloth diapers), but I am still waking up 1-3 times more often to nurse and staying up longer. He acts more tired than me. He says this is because he can't get anything done (because I do ask him to help me) because his schedule is all off and he keeps getting interrupted before he can finish anything and the mental disorder of it is exhausting him. I still can't decide if this is total horsesh*t or not.

The gas plus rash makes me think that you might want to start keeping a food journal-- you little Rassa might be extra sensitive to something in your diet (dairy and soy are the ones that I eliminate first, because my guys have tended to not tolerate well). Cut dairy out and see if in a few days if it makes baby happier. Or at least if you know that she is extra fussy one evening it might be because of something you ate...

I had to do this with my DD and it made a HUGE difference in our lives. She had the same thing--was gassy, had a rash in the diaper area only, and would cry and cry. When I cut out all the dairy and soy it was a new, happy, rash free baby.

this site has a lot of good info on diet and nursing:
http://www.kellymom.com/

I hope you guys get some sleep soon!

[carmel23]

One thing that helps my DH is earplugs. He wears them whenever the kids are loud and busy... and if he has the baby and the baby is crying. It helps take the edge off if he is suddenly hungry and crying...

Over the years and kids we've kind of evolved to where I do 100 per cent of the night time parenting... my DH can't really handle it either. Whether it is an infant, a sick child, a wet bed, it is me who does it all. Which is fine because I've adjusted my expectation and he has picked up the slack in other areas... like he makes breakfast (and actually does most of the cooking ). When I don't expect him to do anything, then I don't get mad.

I'm not looking forward to when everyone is back to school and he is back to work, but he is even adjusting his day to where he can take our oldest son to school on the bus, I'll walk younger son to school (or the school bus depending on the weather), but I don't actually have to get up and do much in the morning. so picking everyone up and off to music lesson, etc. will be a challenge, but hey--it isn't in the morning! So we should survive.

It was rocky with our first, but I think it is really good to sit down with DP, and explain that there has to be some kind of shift-- and he was able to explain to me that at night, he just can't think straight and is grumpy. So we decided that I *didn't* want to deal with his grumpy a$$ and he didn't want to deal with me being mad. So if I am up at night, he wakes up first and makes the coffee, etc.

But it is hard to not be emotional when you are tired and hormonal mams!

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by Awaken

ithappened- I agree, giving specific requests/directions can work well.

Well, I haven't cried at all until today, and we're almost 2 weeks out. Here I am, utterly defeated by a stupid, @#$#% infant car seat. Already, I hate that thing!! I have never used one before, we've always had convertible seats and just picked the baby up. But someone gave us a nearly-new infant seat, and we had to spend a lot on new seats for our other kids. I can NOT figure out the straps on the darn thing, the baby is like a little ball, how am I supposed to get shoulder straps on and the one between her legs? And the darn things get completely twisted no matter what I do, and it weighs like 30# and the baby itself isn't even 8#! It takes my dh 20 minutes to get her in it right, and I'm going to have to do this alone every day! And I have to get her into it in the middle seat, leaning over the other kids' seats, and we don't have a van, just a regular car, and it's sooooo squished and crowded, I can't see how I'm going to do this every day with 3 kids! I just don't see why it's so complicated- everyone uses one, it can't be that hard!

I went out today with my 7yo DS and the baby to our post-birth chiropractor visit- my first time driving and going out alone since the birth. It went very well, and I was actually in good shape, but the carseat thing and trying to get them both ready, had me in tears and I cried the whole way there, and hours later I'm STILL on the verge of tears!

I just leave the seat in the car and don't move it. I just unstrap baby and take him out as if it were a convertible seat. I'm not looking forward to getting everyone in the car when we need to... but we're in denial and are just taking the bus.. .

We've had 3 kids straight across the back of a CRV for the last 3 years and they get used to it.... the worst was when my DD was still rear-facing at 2 and would kick her brothers .

Now we're debating the van thing. I wish someone made a hybrid van... Otherwise we'll just get an old beater van for trips. fortunately we have good buses here...