Really wanted to like goop

[Dandelionkid]

So checked out goop. Checked out the "be" article on parenting acceptance. Really wanted to like it because I need to be more accepting but one line made me really want to .

"Some of us are born to parents who judged, ignored, or hurt us. The choice for us becomes, are we going to be a slave to our past – “Why did they do this to me?” – or are we going to grow from the pain – “Why did I need them to do this to me?” One focuses on blame and victimhood; the other puts us in control of our lives."

Agree/disagree??

[liliaceae]

I don't really know what you're talking about, but this line:

“Why did I need them to do this to me?”

doesn't make sense to me........

[KristaDJ]

Originally Posted by liliaceae

I don't really know what you're talking about, but this line:



doesn't make sense to me........

I have no idea what goop is (thought it was some kind of putty or slime, guess not) but this above quote means "why did this have to happen and how did it make me who I am?" At least that's how I take it and how I try to look at things

[Porcelain Interior]

Originally Posted by Dandelionkid

So checked out goop. Checked out the "be" article on parenting acceptance. Really wanted to like it because I need to be more accepting but one line made me really want to .

"Some of us are born to parents who judged, ignored, or hurt us. The choice for us becomes, are we going to be a slave to our past – “Why did they do this to me?” – or are we going to grow from the pain – “Why did I need them to do this to me?” One focuses on blame and victimhood; the other puts us in control of our lives."

Agree/disagree??

Totally disagree. Reminds me of that theory that people make themselves sick with cancer (even babies).

A baby can't "need" it's parents to abuse it. This goes all wrong.

You can stop being a victim without taking the blame for your abusers wrongs.

I can't really say much more because it pisses me off extensively.

[North_Of_60]

Huh?

[sapphire_chan]

You should try ooblick instead.

Okay, off to Google goop, but that quote you posted makes me think I won't like it. Ohhh, Gwyneth Paltrow's thing.

[Tigerchild]

Yeah, sorry, but I think that's BS, I don't think there are words strong enough for me to express my disagreement and disgust with the idea that ANYONE should be asking themselves "Why did I NEED my parents to abuse me."

I'm sorry, but that is sick. And personally, I feel it's spiritually abusive.

I can understand seeking out the things that you have gained from your experiences and turned into strengths, but...ugh.

Just ugh.

Though I bet that that particular statement is more in reference to people who blame everything they do currently on the past or something, and not to be taken as literal in every circumstance.

I hope.

[kalisis]

I think there are a couple of ways you could look at this and I totally get all the head scratching.

First, I hated goop. I don't use that word often, but yeah, I think it's stupid. I'm going to listen to Gwyneth Paltrow about anything, why?

Anyway, it took me several years of really, really sitting with this thought and trying to understand it. As a survivor, I just couldn't get with the thought that I somehow *asked* for what happened to me.

But then I did a lot more reading and lot more self exploration and I get this argument now. I don't know that I fully agree with it 100%, but I think that there's some merit in finding a way to distill the positives gained from the negative experiences in my life. Maybe that's not the most eloquent way to phrase it, but it makes total sense to me.

A lot of people who attempt arguments like this (I haven't read the article and I don't know anything about the author - just generalizing here) believe that we, as children, chose our circumstances in which we were born into. Ok, maybe not chose every last little detail, but we chose those people to raise us knowing that there was a possibility of neglect, abuse, rape or divorce. And we, in our infinite knowledge, chose them anyway.

So, what can we learn from those experiences? Why did we choose to go through that? What did we gain?

It made me really angry to begin with. It almost made me never listen to or read anything else written by Abraham-Hicks or Byron Katie or Louise Hay. But then I was curious and so I read some more and I developed my own thoughts about it and I came to a greater understanding of this particular statement.

I think it is akin to the quote "The Lord never gives us more than we can handle." It can be a comfort to some people to think they went through those experiences for a purpose, to learn something about themselves or the world or whatever.

I am going to bed and I have absolutely no hope that this thread will be open in the AM. I am being completely honest and forthright here, not snarky at all. I think it's a good question, I think it makes a lot of LoA stuff hard to digest for a lot of people; I know it did me. I have an understanding now though that I never thought I would have and I see why I went through what I did.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by kalisis

I think there are a couple of ways you could look at this and I totally get all the head scratching.

First, I hated goop. I don't use that word often, but yeah, I think it's stupid. I'm going to listen to Gwyneth Paltrow about anything, why?

Anyway, it took me several years of really, really sitting with this thought and trying to understand it. As a survivor, I just couldn't get with the thought that I somehow *asked* for what happened to me.

But then I did a lot more reading and lot more self exploration and I get this argument now. I don't know that I fully agree with it 100%, but I think that there's some merit in finding a way to distill the positives gained from the negative experiences in my life. Maybe that's not the most eloquent way to phrase it, but it makes total sense to me.

A lot of people who attempt arguments like this (I haven't read the article and I don't know anything about the author - just generalizing here) believe that we, as children, chose our circumstances in which we were born into. Ok, maybe not chose every last little detail, but we chose those people to raise us knowing that there was a possibility of neglect, abuse, rape or divorce. And we, in our infinite knowledge, chose them anyway.

So, what can we learn from those experiences? Why did we choose to go through that? What did we gain?

It made me really angry to begin with. It almost made me never listen to or read anything else written by Abraham-Hicks or Byron Katie or Louise Hay. But then I was curious and so I read some more and I developed my own thoughts about it and I came to a greater understanding of this particular statement.

I think it is akin to the quote "The Lord never gives us more than we can handle." It can be a comfort to some people to think they went through those experiences for a purpose, to learn something about themselves or the world or whatever.

I am going to bed and I have absolutely no hope that this thread will be open in the AM. I am being completely honest and forthright here, not snarky at all. I think it's a good question, I think it makes a lot of LoA stuff hard to digest for a lot of people; I know it did me. I have an understanding now though that I never thought I would have and I see why I went through what I did.

Thanks for explaining it to me- I was hoping for a word from someone who got it. I still think there has to be a better way to say it, "why did I need..." gives me a really disgusted visceral feeling but i can see the intent better with your explanation.

Why would the thread be shut down?

[JessicaS]

Without really understanding what is being discussed I am going to move this to RS.



Due to it being a touch debatish I don't think it would be appropriate in Spirituality or PG.

[cappuccinosmom]

I do not understand the use of the word "need". I don't believe that we choose our parents, or prior to birth choose what will happen in our life. So I guess I disagree with that concept.

I do agree that we have a choice about how we will respond to awful things. That we can choose to identify and live as a victim, or choose to get what we can from that experience and then move on.

[RoadBuddy]

I think it's a poorly worded way of suggesting we look for whatever good we can find from our bad experiences. What did we learn from it? Are we better people, perhaps more empathetic or stronger or whatever, because of a tragic experience? I think everything that happens to us makes us who we are, and a part of growth and self-acceptance is liking who we are today. So even the worst experience may have value in shaping us into the people we become.
That doesn't make the tragic experience itself a good thing, but it does mean even the worst experiences can have positive effects later. Think of people who survive terrible things and become advocates. Through their pain, they are helping others in a way that would not be possible if they didn't have the negative experience.

But yeah, the wording is strange.

[LionTigerBear]

In my religion I believe that "everything that happens to us is necessary for our salvation." However. I don't think we deserved to be abused or hurt or that our parents (or other abusers) were doing a good thing. I would never state it that way and yes, it feels very icky to have someone say that. I believe that God lets bad things happen in the natural course of the laws of nature-- the laws of nature that He set in place for our education on earth. I believe that, as we stumble through spiritual progression, wounded people often wound other people as they reactively act out their pain.

Our God-given goal (in my belief) is to learn to react with positivity to the negative experiences, but, that doesn't make the original abuse a good act that was acted upon us. Our right choice does not absolve someone else's poor choice. In essence, there are (at least) two actions happening, a bad one that is done to us, and then potentially a good one, since we have the power to choose how to react to any situation.

Now, sometimes we don't have the knowledge or understanding to choose the good, empowered reaction to abuse. And that's okay too. We aren't expected to know how to be perfect. It's all about learning and the gradual process of emotional/spiritual progression.