She's BORED

[sgmom]

I think. Sorry this is so long.

Is this normal behavior for her age, or could she be under-stimulated? She's 14.5 months old.

Part of the problem is that we live in a city that gets very cold from oct-march (averages -5 to -30) and since she's only been walking for a few months, tossing her outside to "run around in the snow" is not possible. She also gets HORRIBLY carsick (she'll throw up within 5-10 kms from my driveway), and although this is getting better, it makes for going out on a regular basis very difficult. I'm also 4 months pregnant, I had terrible morning sickness for the first 3 months, we both had a cold (she had 2 colds) in the last month, and last week I pulled a muscle and sneezed a rib out of place (I don't recommend you do that) so I'm unable to get on the floor play with her the way she needs me to.

So lately (I'd say over the last month or two), she's been getting very angry when something is taken away from her, and very needy (wanting to be held) the rest of the time. If she has food, she'll shove it in the dogs face (trying to push him away from her food, I think), and when he eats it, she grabs onto his face as hard as she can and screams directly into him (poor dog). If she has something we need to take away from her, trading her for something else does NOTHING. She gets mad, throws herself down, smacks herself in the face, grabs and pinches us... etc.

Sometimes asking her to put the object away herself works, but more often than not, I have to gently pry it out of her hands (which I HATE doing). She also often throws a 3 second mini-tantrum if she asks for something and I tell her that she can't have it.

I'm kind of at a loss as to how to help her through this. We do try to take her out to the mall or grocery shopping whenever we have to go, but she REFUSES to be held, and putting her in the cart is a sure fire way to start a tantrum. The poor kid will spend the entire time signing "all done" and screaming to be let down. But if we put her down, no matter how hard we try to hold on to her (she will push the cart, but only for a couple minutes at a time), her need to explore takes over.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this? She gets over her anger VERY quickly (6-10 seconds, I'd say) and the tantrums definitely don't appear to be of emotional upset, she's just angry.

It definitely doesn't appear to be a selfish act (ie. that was MY remote control and I want it back!). I'm pretty sure she's just bored and looking for stimulation. Thank goodness Christmas is coming soon! LOL!

I'm at a loss... Suggestions?

[Jackies Ladybug]

is there some kind of indoor playground or maybe an indoor soccer field in your neighborhood where you can take her and let her just run and explore? it sounds like she might have too much energy and need to burn it out.
when i take my 13 month old grocery shopping i go in first without a cart and just follow her around while she runs up and down each isle. when she is done with that we go back and get a cart and start shopping.
i am 5 months pregnant now, so i totally understand the fatigue and stress you are going through!

[sgmom]

There is one in my city, but it's farther than I can drive without her getting carsick. Plus the roads right now are solid ice, so I would be dealing both with projectile carsickness, clean up, and poor road conditions.

Overall, not a pleasant experience for either one of us.

[EzzysMom]

this sounds rough, but I'd also say it sounds like it can be totally developmental though too, not necessarily just understimulation. She's probably working on vocalizing and her new physical skills too and frustrated by some of the things she can't do. I know 12-15 months was a tough time for my DD. How about a playdate? she can burn some energy off with a buddy. Or a mall where she can run? If you can't go out, then how about new toys? trade with friends?

[sgmom]

We took her out to JYSK last night (close to our house) and let her walk around. She LOVES to shop, pointing at everything to show us "that". Even when she was little, if she was ever cranky for no obvious reason, a quick trip to the mall was a guaranteed way to bring out the smiles. She also sleeps MUCH better at night, if we take her out a couple hours before bed.

Her energy level is fairly low, in that she's not interested in "running" around (she's a pretty calm kid) so I'm not sure how far an indoor playground would take us right now, and because of her carsickness we often invite friends of hers come here instead of us going there. Leaving the house DOES help, but it's SO hard to do on a regular basis.

She has her good days and bad days, so I guess I'll try to focus more on what she's interested in doing on the good days, and try to find more new things to do on the bad days. Perhaps this is partly developmental.

[Ruthla]

It sounds developmental to me. I'd try to re-organize things so that you need to say "no' to her less often.

I'd suggest only feeding her in the highchair, so she can't shove anything into the dog's face while she's eating. This is a safety issue- she could get bitten if she tries to grab something out of the dog's mouth. If you dont' have a high chair, then you need to feed her in a room where the dog isn't able to get into, and if she's hungry while playing with the dog, you need to get her away from the dog before she can eat.

And, in general, try to keep things she shouldn't have out of her reach to begin with, so you don't have to "take things away from her" too often. And if she does get ahold of something she shouldn't have, and she has a tantrum when you take it away, then let her have her tantrum. Don't let her hurt you, but if she wants to throw herself down on the floor kicking and screaming, that's OK. You can't stop every tantrum and you can't prevent her from ever being frustrated, and it's OK to let her express her feelings.

You said you can't "send her outside in the snow and let her run around" but sometimes just getting outside for a few minutes helps clear up the energy- a change of pace is just nice. As long as it's not actively snowing and dangerous to be outside, bundle her and yourself up and go for a little walk in the snow. Fresh air will do her good even if she wants to be carried instead of walking outside.

[Boot]

If it were me I would take her to the mall every day, even if you don't need to buy anything. Usually there are lots of fun little things for toddlers to see/ explore. Do you have a library close to you? Also coffee shops are good. Lots of toddlers love 'going for coffee' and sitting in a high chair with their own cup of water and a cracker. That would give you a chance to relax. Mine was always a bit high energy to tolerate that for long but if she is low key but social she might just like watching the world go by. Good luck.

[sgmom]

My dog biting her is the biggest non-issue we have! I trust him more than I do some of my own friends. I'm a dog trainer, so as far as he's concerned, we have no problems. It's her grabbing his lips as hard as she can and screaming into his face that's the problem, while the poor dog looks at me out of the corner of his eyes saying "Mom! Help! AVOID! AVOID! HEELLLP!" or trying to back away from her. I wish I could get this on video, really... it's pretty funny to see such a big dog be so submissive. LOL!

Everything else you suggested, we already do, including all meals are fed at the table, it's the occasional "have a cracker", or "here's a bite of cheese" that she's allowed to carry around. She knows to put it on the table when she's done with it, but sometimes she just likes to carry it around and not eat it... Which is exactly the times I put her in her high chair (this is the time she wants to play with the dog, and he doesn't understand that she's not offering the food, even though she's placing it right in front of his face). She either eats it and leaves the dog alone, or she sits at the table to eat. Or, she doesn't eat it at all. I do sometimes give her a handful of cheerios that I allow her to share with the dog and teach her basic training and pack leader skills, which she LOVES to do. SHE'S not the one I'm worried about. Poor dog. LOL

Going for walks is hard because of all the ice, so it's really just playing in our backyard (which we do, when the temps are up... -20 is very hard on the lungs). So there are times where going outside for more than a minute or two at a time, isn't worth the hassle it takes to get her dressed.

If it wasn't so icy outside I WOULD be taking her to the mall every day (the mall is close), but it's pretty scary out there right now. Driving is the last thing I want to do. We need more snow to cover up the ice (packed snow is so much nicer to drive on than the ice we have now).

[Ruthla]

Ah, I've never experienced -20 weather (is that Farenheit or Celcius?) The coldest I've ever dealt with was about 15 degrees F, which is fine for taking toddlers outside in, at least for 10-15 minutes.

[ErinYay]

Originally Posted by sgmom

I'm a dog trainer, so as far as he's concerned, we have no problems. It's her grabbing his lips as hard as she can and screaming into his face that's the problem, while the poor dog looks at me out of the corner of his eyes saying "Mom! Help! AVOID! AVOID! HEELLLP!" or trying to back away from her. I wish I could get this on video, really... it's pretty funny to see such a big dog be so submissive. LOL!

I am also a dog trainer (R+ solely) and this is not only not a LOL to me, but extremely frightening. Please do not allow this to continue, period. Eye-rolling and backing away aren't submissive postures, but calming signals; he's trying to tell you and your DD that he's posing no threat and to please, for the love of all that is good, leave him alone before he makes her. He's absolutely not submitting, but trying his hardest to difuse the situation. There *will* come a point when he realizes that's not working, and will change tactics.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but this is unbelievably cruel to the dog, and extremely dangerous for your child. It is not a matter of IF your child will be bitten but WHEN if you permit this to continue even once more.

[sgmom]

OT.

It IS cruel to the dog, and I do NOT allow it. I'm not saying that he would never hurt her (no dog is that trusting), but I don't rush over as fast as I can to pull her off either, nor do I wait to stop her. I calmly walk over and remove my child. Although he doesn't eyeroll, he looks away which is avoidance, and doesn't tense up even slightly. What I do is behavior rehabilitation and has nothing to do with basic obedience (come, sit, stay, etc), so I do know how to read a dogs body language. Avoidance is not submission (that comes later). I've consulted a couple of my trainer friends (one who deals specifically with aggression) and no one is worried. One lady even laughed when I showed concern. She said to me "Are you kidding me?? Are you actually afraid he's going to hurt her?!", when I was like "No... I'm being serious!" I have a very well balanced dog. I've been doing this for many years, who while I appreciate your advice, I do know what I'm doing.

And you're not being harsh at all! You're taking a few words written on the internet and interpreting them to be a dangerous situation. I would do exactly the same thing! Especially when there are young children involved. I appreciate your concern (and advice)!

However, this thread isn't about how she treats our dog. She's very loving and gentle to him at all other times (as he is to her). And since she started doing this to him, I always make sure that he isn't in a place where she can do this when there's food around. While I do take the opportunity to teach (when it happens), it's best to avoid in situations like this.

Back on topic!

[ErinYay]

Thank you for your awesome reply! That's a huge load off my mind!

As a trainer, I'm sure you can appreciate how frequently this scenario goes real bad, real fast, but it sounds like you're handling it more than appropriately!

[AmyKT]

I don't have any suggestions beyond what anyone else has already mentioned, but I do remember DD being kind of difficult at that phase. Getting her out of the house was always our best bet, but you have several well-stated problems with that.

[sgmom]

Originally Posted by ErinYay

Thank you for your awesome reply! That's a huge load off my mind!

As a trainer, I'm sure you can appreciate how frequently this scenario goes real bad, real fast, but it sounds like you're handling it more than appropriately!

You're welcome! I HAVE seen it go really bad, really fast, but unfortunately most of the dogs who seem to have this problem have been trained with positive reinforcement (mostly clicker or food) and experience very little leadership skills from their owners. They appear to behave for the reward, and have little knowledge of their place in your pack. I still do clicker training with my dog, but only for exercising the brain to do things that don't come naturally to dogs. "Turn out the light", "Close the door", things like that. I would NEVER use a clicker or reward based system when it comes to behavioral problems, or even to teach actions that come naturally to a dog (sit, down, etc - sitting is a natural behavior and should be tagged with a command... not shaped by use of food). A dog who knows it's pack status will naturally follow and not try to "take charge" (so to speak). It's MY place to discipline my daughter when she's bothering him, not his. That said, corrections (and sometimes warnings) definitely have their place.

Sorry for going off topic!!

Thanks for your concern!

[sgmom]

Originally Posted by AmyKT

I don't have any suggestions beyond what anyone else has already mentioned, but I do remember DD being kind of difficult at that phase. Getting her out of the house was always our best bet, but you have several well-stated problems with that.

Thank you. She's being treated for the problem (we believe it's her C1/C2) and she IS getting better, so we've been going for many more short car rides, but it still makes it very difficult to get out to the places we want to take her. Especially in this weather.

I think I will concentrate more on spending one on one time with her when we are at home, and take her outside more (as much as I can) on the warmer days.

Does anyone have any suggestions for indoor games that might help stimulate her a little more?

[Luke's mama]

I saw this book recommended on another thread:
The Toddler Busy Book.
I have ordered it, but haven't read it yet.

[sgmom]

Thanks!! I'll check to see if we have it at our local library!!