Pressure for Christmas gifts at work

[ians_mommy]

I am a Nurse-Midwife (CNM) in a large hospital. Our department has 10 total CNMs and we work with two different groups of staff (L&D staff and then the OBGYN clinic staff).

I am receiving a great deal of "gift" pressure. Here is the current list of what the group of CNMs are planning to participate in:

1. Secret Santa for the clinic party (no biggy- one person)
2. Gift bags for ALL the L&D and clinic staff- 113 TOTAL!!!
3. Gift exchange between all 10 CNMs
4. Pay for a Christmas breakfast for the clinic staff



I am the youngest (experience and age) CNM on the staff. Even though I have a comfortable household income, it does not come close to the others. This is a real financial strain for me because we DO NOT use credit and when I was planning December's budget none of this was figured in.

I honesty do not want to participate in all this nonesense. I can make it work if I do not do any charitable giving this year, but the thought of that makes me ill. However, I am really worried about what will be thought of me if I dont participate- KWIM?

Any advice?

[BetsyS]

I used to be in the exact same situation (youngest CNM in a clinic setting, and the youngest CNMs were paid significantly less than the older ones).

Gift bags for all the staff sounds CRAZY. There are a couple of suggestions you can make, though it's late--one is that your group makes a charitable donation in leiu of those bags, to somewhere like heifer international. Somewhere non-controversial, that most people would think is interesting.

The other option (and this was done by a CNM clinic when I was a L&D nurse, nad it worked well) is to convert the gift bags into a gift for L&D staff that is delivered monthly or quarterly. It spreads the expense out through the year. They did things like bring in 6 watermelons (3 for each shift) in July. Someone baked cookies one month. I want to say that group had 6 midwives, and they each took 2 months, so they did it monthly. But, it really spread out the cheer (and expense) through the year. It was well received by both CNMs and nurses.

I would, at the least, make a charitable donation instead of gift exchanging between your fellow CNMs. They don't have to know the amount.

The breakfast is hard...is it a long standing tradition? At our clinic, the entire staff was international, and they took turns during December bringing in treats, mostly from their home country. To not participate just wouldn't have worked. But, maybe you could do it potluck to make it less expensive??

Good luck!! Hopefully, next year, you'll see this coming, so you can suggest alternatives earlier. I bet some of your coworkers would like to do away with some of this, too.

[rivkah]

I don't have any specific suggestions, but I hear ya!

I have a comfortable income, but the neverending list of gift obligations adds up! I also have three children and a dependent mother-in-law. We are expected to give a large gift to our secretaries. I am totally OK with that--because I have a close working relationship with my secretary. But we are also expected to give a number of causes, and to contribute to staff bonuses. It not only becomes a financial burden, it can become a time stressor.

I wish people could stop the madness about gift giving. It should not be an obligation, IMO.

[NolaRiordan]

I don't do Christmas things at all at work any more. I just stopped. Enough is enough. A few people still give me a card or a small gift, and I say thank you. But I never reciprocate. People probably think I am a scrooge, and that's OK with me. It's just such a waste of money to me to give candles or bubble bath or whatever that people don't really need. I'd much rather use the money to give to a charity that can use the money to do something significant with it. We do usually do Toys for Tots or some other charitable thing at Christmas time and I do participate in that.

[Carita]

can you be honest and tell them you don't have the money and don't expect anything in return?

or maybe you can convert to buddhism for one month?? LOL

[rivkah]

Originally Posted by Carita

or maybe you can convert to buddhism for one month?? LOL

I wish that worked. I am Jewish and it doesn't seem to matter. I never experienced Christmas until I worked. How do normal working families afford this holiday?!

[mamaluvspirates]

I think you just have to be very honest and tell whomever is planning these events that you simply don't celebrate Christmas and won't be participating. Of course be polite, and thank them for thinking to include you.

We celebrate Christmas, but quite honestly, we only buy presents for children...not even for our own family anymore, so I don't see why we would buy gifts for people we hardly even know! The first couple of years it was difficult, trying to explain this all to everyone, but now they just know: we don't participate in anything where we have to purchase Christmas gifts for adults.

Some people you work with might be miffed but they'll get used to it . Put your foot down while you're young and just starting out, because believe me, the pressure gets worse down the road! Best of luck to you.

[Igraine]

I have a 11 people I supervise. At a retreat I just said that people were individually telling me they had problems with birthday and holiday gift giving. So I threw it on the table that we drop all of this stuff and most everyone went along with.

The folks who like it, had never heard the other people's perspective before and we all compromised to do one dinner celebration a year in January /February where we need a pick me up anyway.

We are a more autonomous group who only meet as a group weekly, not a closely working together unit like you where expectations can run high (My sister is a nurse and educator).

Bring it up to someone you trust or just let everyone know that this is not something you can afford this year and you do not expect any presents from anyone else. Maybe you will start a trend and bring some relief to an already stressed group of people!

[ians_mommy]

Thank You

Thanks so much for al the supportive replies...it really has helped.

What really bothers me is Christmas is a very special holday for me and this is all taking away from the spirit. Gifting at Christmas (for me) is an expression of love and gratitude ...not obligation.

Mamaluv's reply really resonated with me.
We only gift to our child, my son's little playmate & charities. The only adults I planned to gift to are my two priests and the lovely women who care for my son at daycare. I do not even send gifts to adult family members, so why in the heck would I spend money on people I have only a professional relationship with?

Thank you again for everyones support. Like mamaluv said, I need to put my foot down now. As uncomfortable as it will be, it is time to put my big girl pants on and stand firm to my beleifs. I am sure by New Years nobody will care anymore.

[Igraine]

Originally Posted by ians_mommy

it is time to put my big girl pants on and stand firm to my beleifs. I am sure by New Years nobody will care anymore.

I love this! I will remember this little saying in the future.

Good luck with work and enjoy this holiday that is so special to you.

[Oriole]

If it makes you feel any better, I don't plan on giving anything to anyone, except for bringing in coffee for my work partner the last day before vacation (I work in a school).

I tried so hard to do all these wonderful things for my coworkers for quite a while, but last year I decided to drop it. It's not becasue I don't care, it's simply because I can't afford it. It is what it is, and guess what? It's OKAY!

If it made anyone upset - I've neverheard a word! Don't stress!