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Is it time to call social services? - Page 2

post #21 of 101
Please call the police and help that poor girl!
post #22 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by carmel23 View Post
I agree with the suggestion of calling the police and CPS. The police will take immediate action-- because that is really dangerous child endangerment, leaving her without access to the house when it is that cold.

And CPS because they will try to help the family, and the child.

But I wouldn't hesitate to call the cops--call the police non-emergency line and give them the details you've shared with us. I would leave out the stuff about the mom taking the other child drinking, though... You want to help the little girl and not bring trouble on the family... You are a good neighbor.

I know that really stinks, but she could die. And eight is way too little to have to deal with stuff like that.

Heck, call the emergency line. It's a crime.

(And they'll respond a lot faster that way. You don't want to get charged with kidnapping for having this child overnight when the parents don't know about it.)

And I just want to add that the OP wouldn't be "bringing trouble" on this family. They've managed to bring the trouble on, all by themselves.
post #23 of 101
It is your moral duty to call social services. There is no question about it in this situation. You have to call.
post #24 of 101
As tough and cruddy as it is, you have got to call!!!!!!
post #25 of 101
first decide on how much you want to be involved. figure out what you want to do.

and then decide.

do you know how common this behaviour is?

has been for years.

do you know how many neighbours have 'unofficially' adopted children just like your neighbours.

its like the village.

your focus is the little girl. do you feel comfortable in having her come to you when she is in a bind. almost live with you?

one of my friends is your neighbours little girl and was brought up by the neighbourhood.

the only reason why i suggest this is because you already have established a relationship. poor girl has already learnt at this young age to kinda hide stuff rather than lay the blame on the family. she has at least one place to go to.

social services is always there as your last resort.

but depending on how her being in my house is affecting my family, i would either call or not call social serv.
post #26 of 101
you know the scenario you describe is not so unusual.

esp in low income areas this kinda of situation is unfortunately v. common.

where the next door neighbour or someone on the block takes over watching that child.

however it depends on what you want to do. do you want to take on the responsibility? would you ask her to come to you if she was ever left alone? or needed a place. basically have her move into your house half the time.

my friend was raised that way. and right now a teenager is living with her best friends family because things are getting worse at home.

so really the decision is upto you.

call social services or be the 'foster' parent yourself.

and focus just on her. not her whole family.
post #27 of 101
Meemee, this poor little one needs more than that I don't think that treating her like a stray cat, with a friendly house that will give her food and shelter, is a substitute for a proper family.

Lilyka, please make the call. Call the police if it's imminent danger, social services if it isn't.
post #28 of 101
If you call, I hope you're ready for trouble, because that sounds like a big scary family that will suddenly start screeching about how much they love their little girl once CPS gets involved.

I would, partially for my own safety, talk with the grandmother first. It would be better if she started the process to have her daughter's parental rights extinguished. There may be other relatives who can take the little girl in.
post #29 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
you know the scenario you describe is not so unusual. esp in low income areas this kinda of situation is unfortunately v. common.

where the next door neighbour or someone on the block takes over watching that child.
Yes, in some areas, this scenario is very very common.
However, the circumstances surrounding each of these cases varies, so it's important to have some pertinent info first.

For ex: A latchkey child wanders the neighborhood because s/he lives with a single parent who's working and can't afford childcare. In that case, it's fine for someone able/kind enough to offer their supervision of the child while the parent's at work -instead of automatically reporting them.

Or- A child doesn't have proper clothing for the weather because of poverty, or the parent can't afford food at the end of the month, definitely why not assist them if one could?

Or- A child has behavioral issues (runs off on their own, rebels) that the parent/s is unable to address... then you can suggest resources to help them out if they're unaware of them.

In the case lilyka describes, it seems like the child is completely neglected (they're at bingo or out drinking) and some agency might be the only hope for intervention. This could come in the form of parenting classes or a social worker checking up on them, or simply letting them know that the child must be fed, properly clothed, have access to get in the house. (depends on the social worker, the agency, what other relatives are able to take this child).

As for lilyka's involvement in caring for the child, it could mean trouble if the family doesn't welcome her help.
post #30 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by urklemama View Post
If you call, I hope you're ready for trouble, because that sounds like a big scary family that will suddenly start screeching about how much they love their little girl once CPS gets involved.

I would, partially for my own safety, talk with the grandmother first. It would be better if she started the process to have her daughter's parental rights extinguished. There may be other relatives who can take the little girl in.
It could be the school, it could be another neighbor, it could be a police cruiser who sees a child in sub-zero weather. The GM obviously knows about this terrible situation--she's been to the OP's house to pick her up. I have to agree w/ a PP who wrote that the OP is enabling this family. I don't think the OP talking to them is going to change a thing.

OP, you've been a real guardian angel to this child but you can't do it all. Please, call social services and get her some help.
post #31 of 101
My first thought was that if you were not home and this girl wandered on at night in freezing temps and ended up at a gas station or someplace they would keep her there and call the police. I myself would be a little scared of the wrath of the family but I think calling and just not letting anyone know it was you could be good.
post #32 of 101
Big hugs to you, mama!

Is she locked out in the cold? Or is no one home but she can get in? There is a difference safety-wise.

I would also ascertain for myself that no one was home before making the call. I have had neighbourhood children lie about being locked out and whether parents were home because they did not want to go home. It happens.

I actually have btdt and this is what I would do:

If I truly wanted state involvement and was not concerned about being anonymous, I would call the police the next time she was at your house and no one was home. There is the "proof" of their neglect - it is the best chance you have for state intervention. If she was truly "locked" out of the house this is what I would do. It is a safety issue - and you cannot be home all the time "just in case". I would call everytime this happenned.

If you simply call CPS (anonymously or otherwise) they will go to the house on their scheduel. If adults are home, there is food in the fridge, there is no meth lab, she has a bed, and squalor is not present - not much will happen.

I have called on a neighbour (medical and educational neglect, emotional abuse, untreated mental disorder) - but because they had food, and a bed, and did not seem to be drug addicts, nothing came of it as far as I can tell.

As little happenned over my call - I am very happy I insisted on being anonymous about it. The girl still comes over here all the time and I can watch out for her somewhat. This may not have been the case if her mother clued in that I was the caller.

Another hug to you! Honestly, I know how stressing all of this is to deal with - please take care of yourself. Bless you for watching out for this child - it matters.


kathy
post #33 of 101
I would definitely call. I don't see why everyone thinks CPS is the devil. They're there for situations like this! Call!

ETA: Please!
post #34 of 101
kathymuggle is right--more will happen with the police than with CPS.
post #35 of 101
I don't know all the sides of the story here, but based on your side, the girl needs help. The girl needs help that you are not responsible to provide, nor have the resources to. That said, maybe some calls could be made to get her the help she needs from appropriate resources. I think you are a great person for providing her with all the help you have been providing, but it might be time to get more help.
post #36 of 101
I would not call CPS I'd call the cops next time she's locked out, cold, hungry and no one is about.
If you call CPS, they come by in the day when they can, the cops take action immediately, they will see no one is there and make a report of it and call CPS to make arraignments, so it will be a lot more effective. That poor child. I'd worry, she's locked out in the cold when you aren't there to rescue her.
post #37 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post
Heck, call the emergency line. It's a crime.

(And they'll respond a lot faster that way. You don't want to get charged with kidnapping for having this child overnight when the parents don't know about it.)

And I just want to add that the OP wouldn't be "bringing trouble" on this family. They've managed to bring the trouble on, all by themselves.
yeah, I guess I wouldn't want to alienate the family for the sake of the relationship with the little girl. Because the family will probably know and then talk about how terrible the OP is, etc. I don't know. I guess no matter what this might happen, and the urgency means that the little girl would be helped for sure. So I guess you are right.

my oldest is eight. I couldn't imagine this happening to him
post #38 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
As little happenned over my call - I am very happy I insisted on being anonymous about it. The girl still comes over here all the time and I can watch out for her somewhat. This may not have been the case if her mother clued in that I was the caller.



kathy
yeah, not being able to help the little girl is at risk by calling 911...

OP Do what you think/feel is right. It might take more then one call....
post #39 of 101
Personally, I'd call CPS anonymously so you can maintain your relationship with the little girl and continue to help her. If they don't take appropriate action then I'd call the police.

Thank you so much for being there for her. I grew up with foster sisters and know how heartbreaking the stories of abuse and abandonment can be. No matter how bad her family looks from the outside I'm sure it's worse from the inside.

Please call now.
post #40 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post
Seriously? You haven't called the police or CPS yet? Sometimes you just have to, as much as you hate to.

(I'd call the police. Leaving a child in sub-freezing temperatures --and taking another one drinking--is a crime.)
Absolutely!
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