or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Is it time to call social services?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Is it time to call social services? - Page 3

post #41 of 101
I really... truly... completely hope you have called CPS by now. No matter what you dislike about calling them, you have a child who is clearly, absolutely being neglected and SERIOUSLY neglected.

You've been wonderful to step in as you have, and the main thing I wanted to say is, given that you've now developed a relationship with this little girl, calling CPS does NOT have to be the end of your relationship with her.

If she goes into foster care, or really wherever she goes, she's going ot need a stable, normal, healthy, responsible adult who she can call, talk to, and visit ON OCCAISION just to check in with her and be consistent in her life.
When you look at what factors help kids in A's situation to someday still succeed and be ok and not end up homeless, addicted, prostituting, or dead, the number 1 factor that can help A succeed is a relationship with even just ONE regular, responsible, caring adult.

I am NOT saying you are responsible for A. Not at all. But since you really care about her and her welfare, and you've got a relationship with her, and she trusts you and you've been there for her, I want you to know that you may be the adult that makes the hugest difference in her life, as sad as that is abotu the other adults in her life.

I hope you've called, because A deserves at least a chance at being in a stable home where she'll be supervised, fed, and hopefully loved and not neglected. But you can still be in touch with her, give her your phone #, tell her you care for her and you're willing to talk to her if she needs you, and that you'd like to hear from her to know how she is. It's not something you have to do... but if you're willing to do it it's something that can make the biggest difference for her.

Please let us know what happens... and please please call CPS if you havne't already.
post #42 of 101
The police need called.
You and your family have been wonderful to her, but she needs more help then you can safely give her.
post #43 of 101
Anyone who has read many of my posts here knows I'm not the biggest fan of CPS, but this is exactly why we do need an agency like them. Call. I don't know enough about your system to know if the police or CPS are likely to get the best results, but call one or the other. This child could die being left out in that kind of weather.
post #44 of 101
Update?
post #45 of 101
Call. Now. Please.

post #46 of 101
I'm with the posters who said that situations like this are why CPS exists. You know a child who is being neglected and needs help. They can help.
post #47 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
I'm with the posters who said that situations like this are why CPS exists. You know a child who is being neglected and needs help. They can help.
We had neighbors like this when I was a kid, and my parents did finally call the police and CPS in order to get help for the two siblings in question. It was a suprisingly similar situation to the one described by the OP, two young children left alone in the home almost daily without any supervision, food, or adequate clothing in the colder months. I remember more than one occasion where my parents and other neighbors would sneak food in the windows for these kids because they were afraid to open the front door under penalty of extreme punishment from their parents. I also remember them being locked out from time to time in frigid temperatures with no idea where their parents were.

From what I recall, the kids were temporarily removed from the home, but more importantly the parents were given access to the kinds of services they needed in order to get on track and parent the two kids properly so that they could be reunited as a family. I also would urge you to call the police and CPS yesterday. As someone else pointed out upthread, heaven forbid this little girl be left out in the cold when you are not home some night and she can't find someone else to help her out.

Good luck, and please post an update soon!
post #48 of 101
I really hope you've called by now, otherwise please call now.
Poor girl.

Any update, OP?
post #49 of 101
First thing I thought of when you said she showed up at your house was, imagine if you weren't home and she wandered down the street, to a gas station, or fast food store, or whatever, and SOMEone decided to take advantage of her. Or she slipped on ice and fell. Or someone in their car offered her a warm ride.

O.M.G.

Cut and dry case. This poor baby.
post #50 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lolagirl View Post

From what I recall, the kids were temporarily removed from the home, but more importantly the parents were given access to the kinds of services they needed in order to get on track and parent the two kids properly so that they could be reunited as a family.

Good luck, and please post an update soon!
Wow, that is a great response!

I must say, sadly, things do not always turn out this way.

CPS is often overwhelmed and does not help. Even when they do intervene, parents are not always "helpable". You gotta want it. It isn't only "resources" that stand in the way of responsible parenting - it is often long standing patterns and ways of being.

Foster care is often OK - and often is not

I absolutley think the OP should call the cops or CPS (and I lean strongly towards cops) and should do it anonymously - but I also think she needs to have a plan for how to help this girl if CPS falls through. Because it happens.

She could talk to the girl about what to do if it is cold out/she is locked out and the OP isn't home. Where she should go (grandma, then gas station, etc). I think some children really do need a community to watch over them and help them make it to adulthood.

Kathy
post #51 of 101
I think everyone can agree that this child and family need help! I personally would call the police the next time the child shows up at my door, I would make sure no one isnt home and then call. In our state police or medical prof. reported abuse or neglect takes a higher priority investigation wise over call in "anonymous" reports. Because of them either being a witness or "concern" or "proof" or have reason to report to CPS. I would then inform the officer that this child has been to my house x times and in what condition.
post #52 of 101
I would report it.

How sad.
post #53 of 101
Thread Starter 
thanks everyone. sorry I did not give an update sooner. My 7 year old has either walking pnumonia or pertussis which means we spent hours at the Dr. office today, dealing not only with a really bad cough but the whole vaccine issue (not our usual cool dr......) Ava (my dd) injured herself while coughing last night and i needed to take her to the Er but couldn't because A was here....

One of the reasons I hesitate to call is because it will be turned over to whatever tribal social services (I forget their offical names) and that sometimes can go very bad.

I wanted to call the police last night but gees, she comes to the one person she can trust and gets hauled off by the police. heart breaking. I couldn't do it.

but I am calling social services now. during the summer it was annoying. but I really don't know where she would have gone if I weren't home. I don't know whatis up with her mom. I know she came and hid in my house once when her mom came to get her. her family knew where she was, her mom had just gotten out of jail and was drunk. I am sure that was less than legal but even though she is a very strong, tough street wise child, she looked terrified. what could I do? (by the way, I live in the hood. no doubt about it. If i seem like I have a high tolerance for all of this it is because it is a way of life around here. ) but it was cold last night. very cold. deadly cold. There are several houses she could have gone to. she comes to mine first because sheknows I won't turn her away, will feed her and she can watch her grandmas house from here. I am sure her grandma wouldn't leave her if she was actually in charge. but like a previous poster mentioned no one is in charge and everyone thinks someone else is minding the baby. A is old enough to run around the neighborhood with friends and cousins but not old enough to be comepletely on her own without an open home to go to.

Someone needs to talk to the family and make a plan. but i think it owuld be better if it came from a neutral third party. I know social workers are already involved hopefully they can address it smoothly.....

ok off to call....
post #54 of 101


You're doing the right thing.
post #55 of 101
In that situation I can understand why you hesitated. I don't know exactly how their Social Services is, they are all different but I hope that family gets some help.
post #56 of 101
in the mean time maybe you can either give her a spare key if you know she can keep that a secret or let her know some options of what to do if you are not home (arrange with a neighbor/ fire department or such nearby, something so she doesnt freeze to death if locked out again and you're not home.

what a sad situation. i hope social services helps.
post #57 of 101
and it's really too bad you can't just say, "hey, I'm gonna raise your kid, ok?" and have that be that.
post #58 of 101
Dear Original Poster -

You have obviously agonized with a tough decision and in my eyes, made the right choice. How lucky for that child that you are there to provide the much-needed rescue from what is quite obviously a dangerous and severely neglectful situation. I am not sure if you are religious at all, but I am, and I certainly don't mean to offend, but I need to say it: God bless you.
post #59 of 101
Call. And I never say call. But please call. Please.
post #60 of 101
While I would have automatically called....your update has given me more to think about I would go talk to Grandma about what's going on. See if there is a set of numbers, like emergency contacts that you could have in a situation like this (where A shows up in a freezing storm and no one to watch her or place to go) so that you can call Grandma to help. I would also tell grandma that you like A, and that she's a good girl at your house, you are concerned that this is dangerous for her and that you want to help, but not to be walked on!

I hope you are going to keep us all updated in the future...I'm subbing, poor baby.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Is it time to call social services?