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Is it time to call social services? - Page 4

post #61 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackies Ladybug View Post
in the mean time maybe you can either give her a spare key if you know she can keep that a secret or let her know some options of what to do if you are not home (arrange with a neighbor/ fire department or such nearby, something so she doesnt freeze to death if locked out again and you're not home.

what a sad situation. i hope social services helps.
Wait, I'm having a duh moment over here--why doesn't A have a key to her OWN house? I'd have the conversation w/ GM that someone else mentioned and tell her she MUST give A a key or she may possibly freeze to death. Talk to GM today if possible--tell her you were at the ER last night and can't be responsible for A not freezing to death--you're happy to keep an eye out (??) but the child MUST be able to get into her own freaking house.

GL OP, you're the right thing. And I hope your dd feels better!
post #62 of 101
How heartbreaking for that little girl. I hope she (and her family) get the help they so desperately need.
post #63 of 101
that poor child. it breaks my heart that such horrible people are blessed with such great kids and totally take them for ganted.
post #64 of 101
It's so difficult to make a choice like that. Calling and getting help for her sounds like a wonderful plan, but at the same time once you call everything regarding her is out of your control and you won't know that she's safe in foster care. However, I would probably call too...the risk that something terrible will happen to her on the streets seems greater than the risk that she might end up in a bad foster care situation.

If you do end up having to call the police, I would gently explain to her first what is going to happen. Remind her that you care about her and tell her she deserves better care, and that the police are going to help her, and that she hasn't done anything wrong. Hopefully at age 8 she'd be old enough to at least understand somewhat.
post #65 of 101
what a difficult situation. so sad for that little girl thank goodness she has you, regardless of what happens
post #66 of 101
I live about a state away from where you are, and have had the same weather lately. I've been reluctant to allow my kids out at all except during the warmest parts of the day because of how bitterly cold it has been. My eight year old- even bundled up- was bordering on hypothermia after about 10 minutes outside.

I also know the issues with the tribal social services, but if she is a member of a tribe, they will be the ones who will step in, and if they choose, they will be the ones most able to effect change. This sounds all too familiar a story though- and is a reality for many of the kids on the reservations.

FWIW, having faced a similar situation, I called without hesitation. I'd make the same choice again.
post #67 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbymom05 View Post
Wait, I'm having a duh moment over here--why doesn't A have a key to her OWN house? I'd have the conversation w/ GM that someone else mentioned and tell her she MUST give A a key or she may possibly freeze to death. Talk to GM today if possible--tell her you were at the ER last night and can't be responsible for A not freezing to death--you're happy to keep an eye out (??) but the child MUST be able to get into her own freaking house.

GL OP, you're the right thing. And I hope your dd feels better!
you know, i didnt even think about that! i would definitely make sure she gets a key to her own place if you can.
i guess i thought of giving a key to your place as a way to minimize conversation with the other family if you truely think they dont have her best interests in mind.
post #68 of 101
I'm so glad you're calling. Please let us know how it goes.

Did you warn A or give A a heads up about what was likely to happen, and why you called? If you didn't already do that, next time you see A you should. Explain to her that it's not fair to her that she's got nowhere to go when it's late or cold or both. That you want her to be safe but you worry that there will be a time when you're not home and she's got nowhere to go. And if you feel this way also tell her how much you care about her and what a good girl she is (that's going to be important because she's going to be made to feel like a "bad girl" probably by her family for social services getting involved - most families blame the child if the adults are really messing up).

Also - and basically I'm just trying to tell you the things to say (if you feel them/they are true) that will help A not feel rejected - tell her that she can still call you or come by anytime she needs help, and that you want to stay in touch with her no matter where she is. Again, a healthy stable relationship with one single adult is a HUGE HUGE factor in a child succeeding through all the crap that poor A has had to deal with. If you feel comfortable offering that continued contact to her, make sure she's got your phone # & really be clear with her that you care and want to still be in touch with her.

And I do have the same question a PP had - have you talked to the grandmother about this whole situation? Bottom line Soc Services and/or police needed to be called because this is too serious a situation and A really is at very high risk for danger, but is there a reason you never approached the Grandmother about your concerns or asked why A doesn't have a key to grandma's house?

You're smart to have called, please let us know what happened when you did. A's so lucky to have someone like you who really cares about what happens to her.

And just FYI, you said A is streetsmart but seemed terrified of her mom. That's not suprising at all - the kids with the hardest shells usually get that way from having to endure serious stress/harshness/abuse at home. Just like on these boards where people manage to cope in the rest of the world but even as adults we struggle to not be impacted negatively by our parents, children can be hard as rock on their exterior but a parent can break them down in seconds with a look, a word, a smack, or other behaviors. That's the person who's supposed to have nurtured and protected you in this world, and not only have they let you down, they've hurt you. Even kids who stand up to abusive/neglectful parents are often terrified of them.
post #69 of 101
Oh this poor neglected little kid I hope you've called by now. Keep us posted.
post #70 of 101
I've been thinking about this thread for a few days and haven't posted because I didn't know how to articulate my thoughts. Here goes...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
One of the reasons I hesitate to call is because it will be turned over to whatever tribal social services (I forget their offical names) and that sometimes can go very bad.
I have no idea what that means, but I also don't know how it can be any worse for her than what she has now. By bad, do you mean convoluted in the sense of stability/foster homes/court appointed rulings? If so, the instability in this case is worth it to make sure an 8 year old girl isn't outside in sub zero temperatures.

This isn't a case of dishes in the sink and a grubby neighbor kid. She could die if you're not home to help her when her own family won't.

Quote:
Ava (my dd) injured herself while coughing last night and i needed to take her to the Er but couldn't because A was here...
This is troubling. You're denying medical treatment to your own child because you've decided to take on the responsibility of this child.

Quote:
I wanted to call the police last night but gees, she comes to the one person she can trust and gets hauled off by the police. heart breaking. I couldn't do it.
I can understand you not wanting to break her trust, but she's 8, she shouldn't HAVE to trust you, the neighbor. She's doing so because she has no choice, and at 8 years old recognizes that in severe weather she has no other choice but to knock on the door of a person who's relatively familiar and nice. Preserving a trusted relationship with an 8 year old who is dependent on you is perpetuating the situation that she's in by continuing to be a safety net for her mother. You've been kind to this girl in times of need, but the person you're helping is her Violation Of A "Mother". The help you're offering her is short term, and she'll end up living a tortured life for the next ten years if she has to say under the care of that woman. I can't imagine how tribal social services could be worse than leaving a child in a situation where she's being repeatedly locked out in sub ZERO temperatures. You cannot stay home every night waiting for her. And you can't put your own children on hold (not taking one to the ER) to do so.

I like the recommendation a previous poster made of explaining it to her so she knows WHY the police are being called. Normally at 8 years old I wouldn't recommend telling a kid that you're going to report her mother for neglect, but I think in this case it might be a good idea to let her know that SHE has not done anything wrong, and that she is more than welcome to call you anytime she needs too.

I think what you've done so far is way beyond what a lot of people do (sadly, nobody wants "to get in involved" these days), but I just think that when we're in the middle of the situation and our emotions are involved it's hard to have an objective opinion. It too would find it absolutely heartbreaking to call the police if I took in a neighbor child, but what her mother is doing is absolutely 100% negligent, wrong, and criminal in my opinion and I could not LET her do that to her daughter one more day. I don't know if I'd have the objective clarity to see that in the moment, hence the reason I'm being fairly blunt about it.

It's not an easy decision, by any means. Everyone has agreed with you on that. But it's one that, in my opinion, absolutely has to be made. I've come back to this thread hoping to see an update and there wasn't one, so I'm urging you, in case you haven't, to PLEASE call the authorities the next time she is locked out in the cold.
post #71 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
thanks everyone. sorry I did not give an update sooner. My 7 year old has either walking pnumonia or pertussis which means we spent hours at the Dr. office today, dealing not only with a really bad cough but the whole vaccine issue (not our usual cool dr......) Ava (my dd) injured herself while coughing last night and i needed to take her to the Er but couldn't because A was here....

One of the reasons I hesitate to call is because it will be turned over to whatever tribal social services (I forget their offical names) and that sometimes can go very bad.

I wanted to call the police last night but gees, she comes to the one person she can trust and gets hauled off by the police. heart breaking. I couldn't do it.

but I am calling social services now.
during the summer it was annoying. but I really don't know where she would have gone if I weren't home. I don't know whatis up with her mom. I know she came and hid in my house once when her mom came to get her. her family knew where she was, her mom had just gotten out of jail and was drunk. I am sure that was less than legal but even though she is a very strong, tough street wise child, she looked terrified. what could I do? (by the way, I live in the hood. no doubt about it. If i seem like I have a high tolerance for all of this it is because it is a way of life around here. ) but it was cold last night. very cold. deadly cold. There are several houses she could have gone to. she comes to mine first because sheknows I won't turn her away, will feed her and she can watch her grandmas house from here. I am sure her grandma wouldn't leave her if she was actually in charge. but like a previous poster mentioned no one is in charge and everyone thinks someone else is minding the baby. A is old enough to run around the neighborhood with friends and cousins but not old enough to be comepletely on her own without an open home to go to.

Someone needs to talk to the family and make a plan. but i think it owuld be better if it came from a neutral third party. I know social workers are already involved hopefully they can address it smoothly.....

ok off to call....
Excellent!

I think it's shocking and sad that social workers are already involved in this situation and this little girl is still slipping through the cracks. It occurred to me that as her mom has already been in and out of jail it's possible that A already has a case worker assigned to her...?

Let us know what comes of your phone call.
post #72 of 101
post #73 of 101
OP we're all thinking of you and A... what's the latest?
post #74 of 101
. I'm so glad you called. Seems to me it's a matter of life or death. This kid could freeze to death.
post #75 of 101
Lilyka, I know I speak for lots of us when I say we're all thinking about your situation - my household has been keeping you and A in our prayers.

Please update us when you can!
post #76 of 101
I almost always say no to these should i call CPS threads, but if it is exactly like you are describing then i am so glad you called.
post #77 of 101
"hug
post #78 of 101
I hope this little girl finds the help that she needs.
post #79 of 101
So you are saying that whether you like it or not, you are about the only person this little girl has got?

If I was in your shoes there is absolutely no way on this planet would I call CPS. I wouldn't do it because this is a sure way for this little girl to be lost for good.

At 8 years old it is quite likely she will be shuffled from point A to point B and then to point C and back again to point A after which she goes to point D. She's will never have a place to live, and she will be living out of a suitcase. I believe that there are good foster parents, I believe there are more worse ones. I believe the worst ones are more prevalent than the other two. Don't you think about the abuse she might be subject too on a much larger scale than just not having parents home?

I couldn't do it. There is just no way I could turn her over to the state and wonder and worry about what's going to happen next to her. I would let her stay at my house, I would feed her, I would clothe her. I would do all of this because I would be the only chance she would have to see what a normal, stable life would be and feel like. I would do it because she needs me. I would do it because more than anything I would want her to be safe and happy and secure.

I know that is probably NOT what anyone here is going to say. From your tone it sounds like it is the LAST thing you want to do. But I wanted to say that from everything I know about CPS, there is no way I would ever turn a child over to that organization.
post #80 of 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by momo7 View Post
I know that is probably NOT what anyone here is going to say. From your tone it sounds like it is the LAST thing you want to do. But I wanted to say that from everything I know about CPS, there is no way I would ever turn a child over to that organization.
eh. I have a pretty intimate relationship with CPS. I know a pretty good deal about the agency. Have seen its good and definitely its bad.

I think your post is on the extreme side.

For one thing, calling CPS doesn't automatically mean foster care. Heck, there is a social worker already involved here, so most likely CPS has been called multiple times in the past and so far it hasn't meant foster care.
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