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it makes me sad when people talk about weaning

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
I never thought this would happen, but a lot of the women in my mom's group are talking about weaning, and all our babies are only 10 months old!! Some have already started to wean their babies (and some are done). I guess I also didn't realize how I would feel about this. I feel really disappointed and sad for the babies. I feel like asking, WHY? But that would sound judgmental, and god forbid I say anything remotely judgmental. All I can do is talk about how I have no plans to wean. Just the word weaning makes me sad and angry.

I know I've still got a long way to go, but CLW is really starting to resonate with me. I just spent some time reading a whole bunch of threads on this forum, and I see that it's full of huge challenges and rewards. I don't know that I'll really be able to go as long as DD wants, especially because I'm planning to have a second sometime in the next 2 years. But I do want to go to at least 2 years, that much I know.

A little while ago DH said something about needing to wean DD in the next few months, and I was like, uhhh what are you talking about? Apparently we had different ideas about how this would go! And he thought he had some say in the matter! He is a very involved father, he takes care of DD during the day when I go to work 3 days per week (he teaches in the evenings), and he is very bonded to her. He's also a fairly progressive person and has gone along with every thing I've wanted to do so far, even when he wasn't on board at first (CD, EC). I think he's starting to catch on to the CLW thing too... luckily he's got plenty of time for that .
post #2 of 12
I completely understand. I had a supply issue and ended up supplementing so hearing about friends and family weaning, really hit a button with me. My SIL (whom I really do not like in general) kept going on about she wasn't sure she was ready but it had been a year so she was going to wean, whether her daughter liked it or not. Honestly, I think her doctor told her to wean and she listened, as she believes everything the doctor says to be written in stone, like when he told her to only nurse at night and formula feed during the day.

I had a friend who did the same thing, nursed at night and formula feed during the day. She certainly wasn't trying to be mean or anything, and probably never realized how it hurt me, but when she said she had weaned and that it took 3 months for her milk to go away, I wanted to cry. It really upset me.

It just really irks me when women do nurse and formula feed just because their doctor said so. I mean, I understand some women don't want to pump at work and I understand some women have supply issues and many women are misinformed, but it bothers me, right to my core. I think it's mainly because I wanted to badly to do CLW and I didn't. My supply was screwed up bc I pumped too much too early. Nursing hurt so badly that I finally just pumped for a few days and didn't do any nursing during that time (although I did pump as I gave DD fresh milk). I was so tired that I bottle fed expressed milk at night. I didn't realize that would screw up my supply. And I didn't think the nipple confusion would be a problem since DD didn't have any problems with it in the beginning. But eventually she wanted only her bottle and eventually my supply went to nothing. I didn't pump as often as I should have. I also had zero support. So when I hear about these friends and family who have support and have good supplies yet still they choose to wean, it hurts. It's almost like a jab at me. "I weaned and it took so long for milk to go away. You can't even make that much milk." I know that's not what they're saying, but that's how I feel.

I'm really hoping when this baby is born, DD will want to nurse again, and hopefully she'll continue to do so until she wants to stop. At least that way we'll sort of be doing CLW. Either way, she's getting breast milk, whether from the tap or from her cup. She loves milk and rice milk is just sooo expensive.
post #3 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by mokey4 View Post
I never thought this would happen, but a lot of the women in my mom's group are talking about weaning, and all our babies are only 10 months old!! Some have already started to wean their babies (and some are done).
With my first the moms in my group were weaning at 6months. They all thought it was because babe didn't want to breastfeed anymore. At the time I was formula feeding so I too was aching. I had badly wanted to breastfeed but due to lack of support quit too soon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mokey4 View Post
I know I've still got a long way to go, but CLW is really starting to resonate with me. I just spent some time reading a whole bunch of threads on this forum, and I see that it's full of huge challenges and rewards. I don't know that I'll really be able to go as long as DD wants...
I am now going on 3months of breastfeeding my son!!! Before I had my daughter I had heard 6months of breastfeeding. Then it was a year. Now its 2 years! LOL I don't know how exactly I'll approach weaning. I have no plans on going back to work anytime soon but at the moment I don't want to breastfeed much past 2 either.
post #4 of 12
i think you should should look at it the other way and be happy that these women breastfed for as long as 10 months because in this day and age, that's really great. i guess i know soooo many people who won't even try... it's formula from the babies very first meal and THAT makes me sad. i am proud of anyone who starts breastfeeding although it's annoying when they quit early (it's hard for everyone in the first few months!!).

my mother gets on my case for nursing dd at 19 mo... she thinks it "looks dumb"! that is the absolute worst reason i can think of to wean... completely ridiculous and it's sad to think that people are weaning because they're uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding a toddler but that's our society at the moment. so all we can do is set an example and hopefully change a few minds along the way.

i'm so impressed by you ladies who do CLW... although i have no desire to end the nursing relationship with dd but i had to impose some limitations (mainly at night) to maintain my own sanity. i would love to see her nurse through 2 years but i'm pregnant now and i can already see her becoming less interested in it. i wonder if she'll start up again after the babies arrive but with twins coming, i have to wonder if it will be best if she doesn't.
post #5 of 12
Personally, I would say something. You don't have to be rude and maybe you will enable another person to say, "You know, this doesn't feel right?"

You can always just ask, "Oh, why did you decide to do that?" and then discuss their thought process. If they say something like, "babies are suppsoed to be weaned by 12 months," you can always respond, "Oh, it's actually not BEFORE 12 months and the AAP says at least two years is great!" or something like that. A lot of people think that because formula can be done with at 12 months, breastfeeding SHOULD be done with.
post #6 of 12
I hear you! My two closest mama friends have been saying the W word lately (with a "self" tacked on before it) and it's like nails on chalkboard for some reason! But they just mean the beginning of the end.. which is true since their babes eat solids. It is a long, slow process. I think the best we can do is be supportive of continued breastfeeding, talk through and neutralize any external pressures to hurry the process along... and accept the mama's decisions. Despite what the label CLW implies, a healthy breastfeeding relationship really has to be mutual. If the mama knows she doesn't want to go on for years and starts to ramp down, at least there may be a peaceful (if premature) end- so much better than a traumatic cut-off .
post #7 of 12
What about when the baby self-weans? Sometimes this happens.
I know when I had Ibi I had *intended* BF for 2 years (The recommended time to BF in Islam according to the Prophet tradition (sunnah) and although I personally did not particularly enjoy it, for whatever reason (I couldn't ever figure out why) I did so mostly due to religious practice.
But around 11months my son started to loose interest in it, I didn't have supply issues and I wasnt supplimenting w/ formula, he just started to prefer solid foods and just drank BF as a snack/drink and preferred solids. Odd as it may sound he completely stopped by 12/13 months...I tried for a good 2 months to keep his interest but nope.

definitely odd but sometimes this happens. I do think 10months is too young for a mom to force her child to wean-that does seem a bit cruel but if the child does it, then obviously there is a reason.

I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in.
He also pretty much potty-trained himself in about 3 weeks without much effort on our part...so we think he's kind of a self-doing sorta child.
post #8 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiredX2 View Post
Personally, I would say something. You don't have to be rude and maybe you will enable another person to say, "You know, this doesn't feel right?"

You can always just ask, "Oh, why did you decide to do that?" and then discuss their thought process. If they say something like, "babies are suppsoed to be weaned by 12 months," you can always respond, "Oh, it's actually not BEFORE 12 months and the AAP says at least two years is great!" or something like that. A lot of people think that because formula can be done with at 12 months, breastfeeding SHOULD be done with.
This is an important point--folks often misunderstand the AAP's recs to mean that you should nurse for only/exactly 12 months, and this may be why your friends are talking about weaning when they have 10 month-olds.

And while a year seems short to me, it is important to remember that only a tiny minority of mothers nurse their babies for even that long.

For me, it's been important to make connections (mostly through LLL) with other mamas who are nursing well into toddlerhood and beyond.
post #9 of 12
I'm not even planning on doing CLW (I'll probably start gradually moving her towards weaning sometime after 24 months if my schedule at school doesn't do it for us before then), but talk of weaning kids at 10 months makes me sad too. There seems to be this idea that you can't nurse after a year. It makes me sad that, in the US at least, we're in the minority on this one.
post #10 of 12
Do you have mama friends who support CLW? I remember the same situation when my twins were approaching a year, and realizing that I had to find some IRL friends who parented the same way I did. It was just too upsetting for me, and I got to the point where I was tired of being the only mom supporting CLW and attachment parenting. Not that I don't mind sharing and educating, but I need support, too. We hadn't been regular attendees at our local LLL prior to that, but I started going again and found my community. I'd reall suggest looking for your "tribe"!
post #11 of 12
I totally know what you mean! I just feel like shaking these moms and saying "keep breastfeeding! Its good for the baby and you!" But of course I can't. I also agree with the other moms who say it has to be a mutual desire..if mama ain't happy..then it shouldn't continue. However, if mom doesn't have a problem with it, but just thinks she's suppose to wean by 12 mo. or just thinks why not, thats when it bothers me.

Or, this is another one that really grinds my gears, I've heard of moms weaning their not quite 12 mo. olds because they got pregnant and the dr. advises them to wean, cuz it's "unsafe to breastfeed while pregnant". Ugh! Do your research. I mean if you have no desire of weaning just because your pregnant. If it's something you feel is wrong in your heart, I think that's worth looking into a bit further instead of just doing everything your dr. says.

And as far as your dh, my dh use to say the EXACT same thing! It drove me nuts, but each time he would say that I would start a full-blown lecture on him of the importance of extended breastfeeding, and meeting ds' needs. That usually shut him up, and he realized that this was something I had done my homework on and felt way to strongly about to change my mind!
post #12 of 12
In my experience it's the older generation that is the most judgmental. My older children were totally self weaned. With my 3rd there was so much, "you need to wean him" from everyone. It got to the point where I felt like isolating myself (us). Even when I asked for a speech evaluation there was all this emphasis on him not nursing for comfort, he wasn't even two yet! In the end my pregnant painfull breast were the catalyst for him weaning. I do agree that it is nice that these mom's nursed at all. Hopefully things will be better by the time I am a grandmama.
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