alcohal and teens

[kathymuggle]

A few questions as I sort out where I stand.....

when can kids have a sip or two of alcohal?

when can kids have a serving of alcohal? (one beer, regular amount of wine, etc) If you allow a serving - How often would be OK with you?

When (assuming you have say in this - hahaha!) is it OK for teens to get tipsy or drunk?

Most people I know fall onto one of two sides (see below), which are you, why, and is age a factor?

1. Teen may not get drunk in my prescence. I don't think it is a good idea for xyz reasons so I am not going to allow it.

2. Teens will get drunk - it is safer that they do it in my prescence than away from me


Thanks in advance!

Kathy

[Porcelain Interior]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

A few questions as I sort out where I stand.....

when can kids have a sip or two of alcohal? When they turn 21, that is if you're asking for my preference. I don't believe they'll necessarily wait, but it won't be happening in my house. I'm a non drinker.

when can kids have a serving of alcohal? (one beer, regular amount of wine, etc) If you allow a serving - How often would be OK with you?At the age of 21. If we were religious and used wine during dinner in some sort of tradition I'd probably allow a smidge, but I can't be sure.

When (assuming you have say in this - hahaha!) is it OK for teens to get tipsy or drunk? I don't think it's ok for TEENS to get drunk/tipsy. Factor in hormones, undeveloped brains and decision making skills- adding alcohol is a recipe for disaster/death/rape.

Most people I know fall onto one of two sides (see below), which are you, why, and is age a factor? I guess I'm in the alcohol is bad group. I don't tell my kids drinking is "wrong" or anything, but the discussions we've had to have all revolve around negatives. I only know a handful of people that drink "responsibly" and even with those there's been situations where they've regretted their actions while "responsibly" drinking. So for my kids I've explained the DNA that they have, alcoholism, and how it has ruined many of their relatives lives. (These are facts that I couldn't sheild them from unfortunately.) We've explained drinking in moderation, and how some people enjoy wine/beer with dinner, or on a special occasion. I just don't drink, not to make some big display of sobriety, I just don't drink.

1. Teen may not get drunk in my prescence. I don't think it is a good idea for xyz reasons so I am not going to allow it. This is definitely the side I'm on.

2. Teens will get drunk - it is safer that they do it in my prescence than away from me. Have fun in jail is my opinion on this.


Thanks in advance!

Kathy

I think alcohol is neither good nor bad, but it's brought so much bad to so many people in my life that I can't stomach it and don't want it around me. I don't think drunk people are funny, and I don't ever want my kids around grown people that have lost control of themselves. I certainly can't fathom watching my kids get trashed in my presence and being thankful that at least their doing it with my permission where I can "control" it.

It's just not ok. (With me.)

[BedHead]

I fall mainly into your category #2.

Two of my three are legal drinking age now (it's 18 where I live) so the only real 'rule' I have is that they not puke in my house. My almost 16 yo dd doesn't drink at all yet, although I have let her have a cooler here and there. She doesn't like beer or anything else, really, and doesn't go to parties or anything. She says our kombucha makes her tipsy though

My two oldest are boys, and when they were younger (15-17) I let them drink at home and didn't forbid them to drink outside the home either. Their underage friends were not supposed to drink at our place though - but I did not go so far as to search backpacks or anything, and they did have a few parties in the basement where people were drinking, but as long as they didn't get rowdy or sick or anything (which they never did) I just left them alone.

I've let them all 3 have a glass of wine with special dinners since they were about 10, although they usually declined because they don't like the taste. I think my attitude is more in line with the European attitude, where their kids are brought up having wine with dinner and such. We like to have beer around the campfire in summer and have always liked our kids to join us if they want. They all tasted beer when they were little and pretty much spit it right back out.

I'm a pretty laid back parent, really. I don't stress out about alcohol consumption.

[MusicianDad]

A sip or two? I don't really have an age for that. A sip or two of alcohol isn't going to harm a 4 year old, but it might ease their curiosity (and in dd's case put her off alcohol for a while).

A serving? I would say probably depends on the child, but I would say around 14 to 16 as a general guideline.

Tipsy or drunk? Honestly I don't think any one should really drink to the point of getting drunk. If you are drinking that much, it's not responsable drinking IMO.

I am in neither of those categories. Some teens will get drunk. Most of those grew up with the "alcohol is bad" message. I know people who have either never gotten drunk or done it only once, and they were all from families where alcohol was not a forbidden fruit. Which is the reason I give DD a sip if she asks for it, which she doesn't very often cause she's asked before and didn't like the taste. Alcohol is just something you have to be responsable with.

[kathymuggle]

Porcelain Interior:

One thing you said caught my eye:

"I don't think it's ok for TEENS to get drunk/tipsy. Factor in hormones, undeveloped brains and decision making skills- adding alcohol is a recipe for disaster/death/rape."

This is undoubtably true (althoug a little alarmist sounding). I also read somewhere that people who start drinking in their teens are more likely to be alcohlics than those who start later on. I am not sure why - is it an addiction persoanlity that causes them to seek alcohol early - or does alcohal do something to synapses in young brains? Translation: does drinking the alcohol early on trigger something physcially? Or would those who drunk early on anyways be just as likely to be alcoholics?

[kathymuggle]

[QUOTE=MusicianDad;14787919]

Tipsy or drunk? Honestly I don't think any one should really drink to the point of getting drunk. If you are drinking that much, it's not responsable drinking IMO.

QUOTE]

I probably should have said "tipsy" instead of tipsy/drunk.

I do not see a problem with an adult getting a bit of an alochal buzz if they do so infrequently in a safe way.

I do not think anyone should drink so much they are a hazard to themselves or others, or irresponsible.

[MusicianDad]

This is undoubtably true (althoug a little alarmist sounding). I also read somewhere that people who start drinking in their teens are more likely to be alcohlics than those who start later on. I am not sure why - is it an addiction persoanlity that causes them to seek alcohol early - or does alcohal do something to synapses in young brains? Translation: does drinking the alcohol early on trigger something physcially? Or would those who drunk early on anyways be just as likely to be alcoholics?

I think that might depend on the culture. I read somewhere (can't remember where, and I don't know for sure if the statistics are true) that many European countries that don't frown on giving teens a glass of wine with dinner have lower instances of alcoholism then the US. I can see it making sense in the US though, since teens who start younger are more likely to engage in bing drinking.

I have nothing against a buzz, but my experiences has been that a buzz is different from tipsy, which is different from drunk, which is different from wasted.

[Porcelain Interior]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

Porcelain Interior:

One thing you said caught my eye:

"I don't think it's ok for TEENS to get drunk/tipsy. Factor in hormones, undeveloped brains and decision making skills- adding alcohol is a recipe for disaster/death/rape."

This is undoubtably true (althoug a little alarmist sounding). I also read somewhere that people who start drinking in their teens are more likely to be alcohlics than those who start later on. I am not sure why - is it an addiction persoanlity that causes them to seek alcohol early - or does alcohal do something to synapses in young brains? Translation: does drinking the alcohol early on trigger something physcially? Or would those who drunk early on anyways be just as likely to be alcoholics?

I'm just relating my own experiences. Drunken teenage girls often experience situations that are unhealthy/dangerous. As well I'm sure as teenage boys, but that's not something I have personal experience of being that I was never a teenage boy.

I don't know about drinking early on, I think that alcoholism/escapism has many factors, some environmental, some genetic. For my line of DNA abstinance is the safest bet.

[Porcelain Interior]

[QUOTE=kathymuggle;14787957]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Tipsy or drunk? Honestly I don't think any one should really drink to the point of getting drunk. If you are drinking that much, it's not responsable drinking IMO.

QUOTE]

I probably should have said "tipsy" instead of tipsy/drunk.

I do not see a problem with an adult getting a bit of an alochal buzz if they do so infrequently in a safe way.

I do not think anyone should drink so much they are a hazard to themselves or others, or irresponsible.

Agreed, also agree with Musician Dad. It's just hard because this controlled drinking just isn't something I've been exposed to.

I hear about it, and I know it exists, it's just I guess not happening within my own family.

[kathymuggle]

[QUOTE=Porcelain Interior;14788031]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

Agreed, also agree with Musician Dad. It's just hard because this controlled drinking just isn't something I've been exposed to.

I hear about it, and I know it exists, it's just I guess not happening within my own family.

OT, but I have similar issues to smoking.

My father died of a heart attack - brought on by overeating, sedentary lifestyle, and 30 cigarettes a day. He was 58.

My FIL is alive (not sure how) he has had numerous heart attacks and strokes and still he smokes. He has put himself and his family through a lot for an addiction.

Given my family history, there is not a chance in he!! I would be OK with my kids smoking. I understand where you come from, to a degree, with the alochal.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to say to your kids that given your family history they should not go there - and may not go there in your prescence. I feel the same way about smoking.

[Storm Bride]

when can kids have a sip or two of alcohal?
Pretty much whenever they express an interest. A "sip" for a very young child basically means getting their lips wet, and I've never had one show much interest beyond that...although the kids I've known have all loved the taste of beer. I even loved it as a kid, and you couldn't pay me to drink beer now.

when can kids have a serving of alcohal? (one beer, regular amount of wine, etc) If you allow a serving - How often would be OK with you?
I honestly don't know. It hasn't really come up. DS1 and a friend had about a half serving of champagne at New Year's when they were...14, I think? (The friend was spending the night, so I called his mom to ask if it was okay.) That was the last time I remember ds1 expressing any interest at all. I think this really depends on a lot of factors. I've never made alcohol the "forbidden fruit" for ds1, but I have talked to him about it a lot over the years. My dad and my ex's dad are both alcoholics. My ex and his mom are both drug addicts. I really feel that drugs and alcohol are things that ds1 has to be very careful with. This sort of thing is still a long way off with the others...except for ds2 occasionally tasting a beer.

(DS1 actually split a cider or cooler with two other friends at a party about a year ago. He then left the party and went to another friend's house and called me to tell me that everyone was drinking and he didn't want to be there. About a week later, he told me about the cider, because his conscience was bothering him for lying about it.)

When (assuming you have say in this - hahaha!) is it OK for teens to get tipsy or drunk?
It's not okay, but I'm also not going to freak out if it happens once or twice. I'd be very worried about ds1, but I know this isn't something I can control. I knew lots of kids whose parents thought they could, and who thought they did...and that's not the kind of relationship I want with my kids.

Most people I know fall onto one of two sides (see below), which are you, why, and is age a factor?

1. Teen may not get drunk in my prescence. I don't think it is a good idea for xyz reasons so I am not going to allow it.
I come closest to this.

2. Teens will get drunk - it is safer that they do it in my prescence than away from me
I totally understand this thinking, but I don't share it. I might, if I hadn't had so much trouble with alcohol in my immediate circle.

I drink, but not very much. I never have more than one drink when I'm breastfeeding (I think I've had two since dd2 was born). I don't drink at all if I'm going to be driving...and I'm the only driver in the family. The most I have at one time is usually two drinks. I used to put away a significant part of a 26'er (I think you call it a fifth in the US) of rum, vodka, tequila or Southern Comfort every Friday night, and again on Saturday. I'm glad ds1 is smarter than I was.

[enkmom]

My kids could have a sip of alcohol whenever they asked for it, and could help themselves to a drink when they were in their late teens. I have never seen either of them drunk, so I can't say I'm in group 1 or 2. I know they drink, and that they were drinking away from home as teens, but I never saw it. Mine just wouldn't drink to the tipsy/drunk stage around me. I would never be one of those parents who provided alcohol for a party on the rationale that "they are going to do it anyway, so I want them to be safe", so I suppose I'm closer to option 1.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by BedHead

I let them drink at home and didn't forbid them to drink outside the home either. Their underage friends were not supposed to drink at our place though -..... I think my attitude is more in line with the European attitude, where their kids are brought up having wine with dinner and such.

sounds pretty much like us, but my kids are younger so it hasn't all had a chance to play out. My DH is European and I'm American. Alcohol is not a big deal in our house, but I've talked to my kids about the many, many problems with getting drunk. It's dangerous, people get hurt that way, and they look foolish.

I've tried to walk a line with them where I'm giving enough information so they can keep themselves safe, but not going over the top with controlling messages that would just keep them from being honest with me.

When they start drinking with peers, I'd be far more comfortable with them curling up with some friends and a few wine coolers and watching a movie than I would with them going to a *party.* I'm really not fond of the context in which American teens tend to drink, even though I dont' see the big deal if they have a small amount of alcohol.

[Ldavis24]

I was curious if anyone else had a similar experience as a teen with their parents.

My mom by time I was a senior in high school knew me well enough and knew I was honest enough with her to tell her if I was drinking, which I was at points, parties etc. I would call her and tell her I wasn't going to be home that night because I was at Ys house (never lied about that) and had a few drinks so I didn't want to drive.

She wasn't thrilled and didn't let me drink in the house although I could have a glass of wine with dinner or in the evening with her if I wanted. She just knew because we had worked up to the point where we were both comfortable being honest and I swear I once even called her to pick me up when I was drunk. You know the old "you can always call me". I guess I feel lucky that she wouldn't come down hard on me because she knew I wasn't being an idiot about it. IMO I am hopeful to have the same kind of relationship with my DD when she is a teen because I feel like it kept me out of more trouble than I might have been.

[Betleowe]

As a teen, the first time I had alcohol I had to tell my mom I couldn't keep that scret to myself. I must have been around 15. Then she set rules for me. I could only drink and I was even allowed to get drunk but in her presence or in our house. Of course I didn't followed the rules at a 100%, I'm a beer lover. But it worked well and I never had any accidents, I tried not to get drunk at parties.

So I started drinking at a young age and I'm not an alcoholic, I do like to drink one or two beers from time to time or whatever drink. Sure DH and I go to bars from time to time (actually we haven't been to one for over a year so scratch that), heck we met in one
But we are not addicted.

At what age can they have a sip? When DD asks me what I'm drinking and asks if she can have a sip I'll comply. She haven't asked, so she's not having a sip. So it depends.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

I was curious if anyone else had a similar experience as a teen with their parents.

My mom by time I was a senior in high school knew me well enough and knew I was honest enough with her to tell her if I was drinking, which I was at points, parties etc. I would call her and tell her I wasn't going to be home that night because I was at Ys house (never lied about that) and had a few drinks so I didn't want to drive.

She wasn't thrilled and didn't let me drink in the house although I could have a glass of wine with dinner or in the evening with her if I wanted. She just knew because we had worked up to the point where we were both comfortable being honest and I swear I once even called her to pick me up when I was drunk. You know the old "you can always call me". I guess I feel lucky that she wouldn't come down hard on me because she knew I wasn't being an idiot about it. IMO I am hopeful to have the same kind of relationship with my DD when she is a teen because I feel like it kept me out of more trouble than I might have been.

That's me and my dad when I was a teen. I had no trouble with calling him up and saying I was staying at someone house or could he pick me up because I had been drinking. I didn't drive period though, so I would have had to find a way to get home without, but never let someone drive me if we had been somewhere drinking.

Although... He did have issues with me getting really drunk, and he way of letting me know was turing my alarm to "beep" and cranking the volume, after setting it to 5:30 am. I also got no special treatment when hungover cause "the world doesn't work that way". I sometimes had a little too much fun, but mostly I was a fairly responsable drinker and still am.

[mandib50]

i think a sip is fine, even with littler kids. i'd probably even allow my 16 yr old dd to have a small glass of wine if she insisted. but i more of the #1 type, with really not a good reason other than my own experiences with alcohol as a teen/young adult and i don't want my kids going down that road.

fortunately, neither of my teens are interested in partying at this stage, but i know the day will come when they want to try. hopefully they will remember all our talks about drinking responsibly, and be satisfied with a small amount of experimenting.

[ikesmom]

I don't want my kids drinking..and the sip thing was no big deal to me until we realized my ds really enjoys the taste.

One night dh poured me a glass of wine as I was preparing salmon for dinner. He set it down next to ds age 9 who was eating at the table. Ds says "hey is this for me?" Dh said "sure" and meant it as a joke..ds took a drink and didn't stop..he was trying to slam the whole glass down in a ginormous gulp..we started yelling and pulling the glass from his tight hand grip lol..I looked at dh and said we need to watch this one. My other kids can't even stand the smell.

Afterward ds said "mmmm that wine was pretty good"

[mom2ponygirl]

Originally Posted by ikesmom

Afterward ds said "mmmm that wine was pretty good"

LOL, that reminds me of my friend. Her dad gave her a drink of beer when she was about 3. He thought she would absolutely hate it, but she loved it! They found her a few days later with a six pack she had pulled out of the frig! Of course she hadn't had much by the time they found her, but they had to watch the beer after that!

My daughter is 11 and probably about a year ago she wanted to try a sip of wine. She sees us have a glass of wine with dinner once a month or so. I gave her a sip and she thought it was pretty gross. We discuss potential negatives but try not to make it the forbidden fruit.

[ktmama]

I know this probably sounds like a bit of a cop out, but in our house, we just refer to the law. I've told my dd1 that when she can produce a valid ID that shows she's 21, I'll serve her alcohol. Since we live in the US and we all have to live by US law, that makes the most sense to me. FWIW, my dh is European.