Comments from family- - Page 2

[AbbieB]

Originally Posted by Fay

If it was my mom, I would simply say, "It's not your penis. It's not your choice." And never engage her on the subject again.

Exactly this.


I don't think it's weird to know if your Dad is intact or not. As a child I occasional saw my Dad naked so of course I knew.

I also know about my FIL because DH told me he was "had to be" circumcised a few years ago. He had a colonoscapy, ended up with a perforated bowel, and a few surgeries later he was missing a foot and a half of bowl and a foreskin.

I like to do a lot of skin to skin contact with my babies during out babymoon so my kids have been naked a lot the first week. MIL was holding DS and his blanket came loose and she saw his penis. She asked us when we were going to circumcise. When we acted a little shocked at the question (because she had heard us say it ain't gonna happen many times) DH responded with, "Look at it! You want us to make it smaller?" I just about fell off my chair it was so funny. MIL was not at all amused and said some really ugly things about how disgusting an uncircumcised penis is, etc... It was pretty uncomfortable for a few minuets because FIL was right there.

I'm sure she did not know that I knew about his history. I'm also pretty sure she did not know that FIL had already asked me about circumcision and that he was really happy when I said "No way!" I believe he said, "Good. Don't ever do it."

Now that is knowing some pretty icky things about parents.

[RiverSky]

Another thing you could say,

"If men were supposed to have foreskins, they'd be born with them....[pause], oh yeah, they ARE!!!"

Then change the subject.

[rozzie'sma]

I have cathed a lot of intact men and it is not harder to do, he probably has an enlarged prostate that was holding things up and grams is blaming it on the foreskin.

[BrittneyMarie]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

"If men were supposed to have foreskins, they'd be born with them....[pause], oh yeah, they ARE!!!"

This is the smartest thing I've ever heard anyone say on the subject

[jennybean0722]

#1 The nurse doesn't know what she's doing!!! Its all crap she said.
#2 Your grandmother gets UTIs b/c lots of women get UTIs.
#3 Funny, people talk about men getting UTIs in the hospitals, but women get them too.....Yeah, total social stigma in the hospital...

[2xy]

Originally Posted by milosmomma

BTW, regarding daughters knowing whether their fathers are circ'd, I grew up in a community that was very open and free and there was a lot of skinny-dipping, etc. Nothing deviant or questionable, but seeing naked men wasn't out of the question for us.

Yup.

Originally Posted by KristyDi

Your grandfather is an adult. If he really hates being intact then he can schedule a circumcision for himself.

That, too.

I always feel a bit odd reading these discussions. Am I the only one whose extended family never questioned the status of my sons' penises? None of my friends or relatives ever asked me if I planned to circ my boys, and nobody openly commented when I left them intact. I feel fortunate.

[brant31]

Originally Posted by AbbieB

MIL was holding DS and his blanket came loose and she saw his penis. She asked us when we were going to circumcise.

...

MIL was not at all amused and said some really ugly things about how disgusting an uncircumcised penis is, etc...

Gosh, I seem to hear stories like this a lot. Is there an entire generation out there of American women aged 45-70 who are just repulsed to their core by foreskin? Or is it a subconscious defense mechanism to bury/justify/rationalize what they blindly did to their own kids in the 50s/60s/70s? I mean, I know a lot of these women actually married intact men, which makes their disapproval even weirder. Maybe it's a control tactic toward the next generation's asserting itself, or just plain insecurity manifesting as contempt.

Good grief, even my own mom, who wrote the encyclopedia on guilt (believe me), didn't put up such a fuss. When I was ready 15 years ago to sit her down and give her an hour's worth of the intactivist argument, she just said, "When you put it that way, it makes sense. My bad."

Wouldn't it be healthier for everyone to just embrace the progress we're making on the health front, even if that means what they were once led to do was wrong?

[njeb]

I think brant31 is onto something. The ironic thing is,we baby boomers were the sexual revolution generation; we were going to make things open and free. Somehow, we were COMPLETELY (caps for emphasis) blind to the horrors of circumcision; the vast majority of us never questioned our doctors when they said that "it needed to be done." Looking back on it, I think: Why???? How could we have been so stupid??? The only reason my now-grown sons escaped the knife is that they were born at home. If I hadn't been part of the whole "natural living" scene in the 70's, I'm sure that the insecure new mother I was back then could easily have been talked into circumcising her newborn. It's awfully hard to admit that you caused unnecessary harm to you baby boy. Therefore, the vast majority of my generation will defend the practice of circumcision to their dying day.
Edited to add: I disagree, however, that "many" of us are married to intact men. The vast majority of boomer men are circumcised; they were the first generation to experience RIC. RIC got started when birth moved from home to the hospital. Many boomer babies were circumcised WITHOUT their parents' consent. It wasn't until 1973 that hospitals were required to have parents sign a consent form.

[jessjgh1]

I think your mom just needs a simple reassurance. What she knows is negative (although much was untrue it was certainly true that she knows of men who wished they were) and she is concerned... a little. Her 'stories' are probably just meant to get you to think a little more, maybe consider somethign she thinks you might not know.

I just told my mom that circ. wasn't recommended anymore- that I looked into it and didn't see any truth to some of the common things people think of as problems, and told her that any problems that HAD been occuring were because doctors were telling parents to forcibly retract the foreskin and clean-- with things like q-tips and soap. I might say that almost everyone else in the world is intact and none of these issues are occuring. But that didn't have as much weight as simply telling her my pedi didn't recommend it, nor did the midwives, etc.

She might just need a little education. My mom was like this for circumcision and some breastfeeding stuff. She'd think I was doing something wrong or not understand.... For example her sister was a LLL member and they both thought that exclusive breastfeeding to and past 6 months was strange. Apparently nursing exclusively beyond 4 months was not something promoted back in 'the day' then, and I simply had to inform them that we just know that is best and that info comes FROM doctors (good ones) and is AAP and otherwise recommended. It helped them lay off my cousin who they were convinced was babying her son too much and he would never eat real food, lol.

If I rephrase things in terms of "we know differently now", it helped. Diffused any angst, removed anything personal to be offended by and just seemed to help get her to listen enough so she could actually HEAR what I was saying (and not just hear me saying what she thought I was saying). Plus, I can truly say that most of my friends do all the 'crazy' things that I do, which also helps at times(-;

Good luck!
Jessica

[momasana]

Originally Posted by 2xy

I always feel a bit odd reading these discussions. Am I the only one whose extended family never questioned the status of my sons' penises? None of my friends or relatives ever asked me if I planned to circ my boys, and nobody openly commented when I left them intact. I feel fortunate.

No one in my family every questioned it either. My SIL asked me if we were going to circ, but mostly she was curious because we had a homebirth and she was wondering if it was something they would do right there at our house. I told her we weren't going to and she never said anything about it again.

Whenever I hear stories of adult men wishing they were circ'd I like to point out that they perform them on adult men, not just babies, so if it were something they wanted to do they should schedule an appointment/consultation. I know that some men decide to be circ'd but I think it is rather rare...hmmm...wonder why....

[incorrigible]

My son is lucky to have a mom blessed with an obsession with researching and an unbearably thick headed, stubborn nature. lol My older sister is the only person I know that backed me up, and didn't give me flack when it got out that we would not be circumcising ds...and not because she agreed with me, but was in the process of trying to repair our relationship before I started producing the next generation of the family. lol

I educated the ones that were open to being educated. The persistent ones I would just wear my feelings on my sleeve with. "Ya, mom, it's really creepy and gross to want your grandson to have cosmetic surgery on his genitals because of YOUR sexual preferences." eeewwww....Laugh openly at the really obviously ridiculous straws they sometimes grasp at. And as far as it ever got was for me to tell a couple people something to the effect of, "You might want to cover up. Your ignorance is showing again....We're getting past the point of embarrassed to know you. If you don't either learn to read or to close your mouth once in a while, I'll be too mortified to associate with you anymore." My brother and I didn't talk to each other for a while during my pregnancy, at my insistence, but he eventually laid off. Ds is 11 now and has a close relationship w my bro, with no weird pressure even when "boy" issues come up between them. My bro is one of the few people brave enough to test boundaries with me. lol We're much alike in our temperaments.

[Avocado]

Originally Posted by Claire and Boys

I used to get a LOT of UTIs when we were TTC. Going to the bathroom after sex helped me as well.

Oh and my partner is circumcised so that didn't help us much

Same here. If I was pro-circ and DH was intact, I could certainly use that as an argument to try to prove my point and convince people to circ Some people just get UTI's more than others.

[MyBoysBlue]

My DH is intact and I was getting UTI's. It wasn't until I read on here on MDC that I should pee after sex that I stopped getting them. It's been a few years now since my last one and I used to get them about 2-3 times a year. Such a simple thing our mothers should have told us.

[mamabadger]

Originally Posted by momasana

Whenever I hear stories of adult men wishing they were circ'd I like to point out that they perform them on adult men, not just babies, so if it were something they wanted to do they should schedule an appointment/consultation.

Exactly. I once had pregnant clients who were trying to decide about circ'ing their expected baby. The dad was intact, and said he had always heard it was better to be circ'ed, and wished he had been. I told him "happily" that he still could be! In fact, I said, he could have it done without anesthetic, as a way of trying out in advance what he would be putting his infant son through.

[mama24-7]

Originally Posted by mamabadger

Exactly. I once had pregnant clients who were trying to decide about circ'ing their expected baby. The dad was intact, and said he had always heard it was better to be circ'ed, and wished he had been. I told him "happily" that he still could be! In fact, I said, he could have it done without anesthetic, as a way of trying out in advance what he would be putting his infant son through.

and how did this end? if you know, that is.

sus

[mamabadger]

Originally Posted by mama24-7

and how did this end? if you know, that is.

Unfortunately, I don't know. I lost touch with them before the birth. Let's hope.

[mama2soren]

As a former RN, it is no harder to catheterize an intact man than a cut man. To state otherwise is absolutely ridiculous.