Talk to me about what it's like to have your second child! - Page 2

[orangefoot]

Firstly, you will have a tiny weeny baby who makes your first child look like an enormous monster with monster sized hands.

Then things get a bit more complicated because you have two people's needs to consider and sometimes you have to deal with the most desperate one first and the other has to wait. Not easy or always fair but very necessary.

Other times you end up having to do odd things to keep everyone happy. Ds2 always needed feeding when I needed to get out to collect ds1 from pre-school. I'd be pushing a big old vintage pram with a baby resting on the handlebar stuck to my nipple. My neighbours used to say "Hey Rach, it is easier if you put the baby IN the pram!"

There are 3 years 7 months between my first two so ds1 was quite competent in lots of ways and a lot less needy moment to moment which made lots of things easier.

By the time ds2 could pull himself up to stand they were great playmates and I don't think ds1 has any regrets about me having his brother;they have had a lot of fun over the years. They are 16 and 12 now and have two sisters as well. The sisters are way more tricky!

[hollytheteacher]

Thanks for all the replies!

I love reading all the different experiences. DH and I have sort of formed a plan.

We want to start to TTC in May '10. That would make our DS exactly 3.5 years (when the baby is born in Feb '11...of course assuming we get pregnant in our first try...which is what happened with ds) which hopefully will be a good age gap.

May is also our 10 year anniversary (of dating not marriage...we'll have been married almost 4 years at that point) and so the idea of TTCing then is kind of romantic lol.

I'm nervous about it all but of course very excited and we do have a HUGE support system. I have close family and lots of friends who love babies and helping.

[dmpmercury]

For me it wasn't that much harder to have a second than it was to have a first and my second was a much harder baby. With my second it was important for me to be comfortable nursing in public. I learned how to nurse in a carrier which also came in handy. My carriers were so helpful for getting out. It was really important to get out of the house.


My dd adjusted much better than expected. She was 2 when he was born and she bonded to him right away and wanted her brother to come with her if we tried to go out with just her. She was a little more emoitional at first but she didn't regress in potty training and it wasn't too bad. She still adores her brother.

My second was a more high needs baby than my first so it was a bit of an adjustment. He also is a bad sleeper so I have been pretty sleep deprived which is hard. I don't find taking care of two kids that much more difficult or draining than taking care of one though. Its balanced some times the kids play well together and keep each other entertained and other times they both can be whiney.

The most suprising things wrere that the lessons from the first don't neccasarily apply to the second because my ds was sooo different. Also my pregnancy with my second was a little bit harder.

[confustication]

We have three. My first two have a big gap- nearly 7 years, and my boys are 14 months apart. Honestly, I occasionally miss the quiet days of just my daughter and I, but my family feels better with the boys. The caveat here though- is that while the big gap was great for making things easy for me, I think the closer gap is easier on the kids (so far, but the boys are little yet- I may be completely wrong!)

In some ways, my oldest is trapped in a weird world between being an only and in a big family- it would- unquestionably- have been better for her to have a closer younger sibling.

[mama*pisces]

Originally Posted by wookie

Yes to all pp's said.

I'll list my own day-to-day +s/-s. (My sons are 3.3 yrs apart).

-s:
*getting out of the house is suddenly WAY harder. with 1 i got ready first, got his shoes etc on and we were out the door. i only got ready when he was ready. now, after scheduling around meals, naps, chores etc. it takes us atleast 20 mins from "let's go now" to out the door. by the time i get older ready ds2 has had a poop explosion. get that cleaned up, turn to look ds1 has started a new pretend game that needs to be completed before leaving. on and on. *sigh*
* ds1 gets to watch a lot more TV (great for him, guilty for me) when i'm nursing the babe to sleep, or is bored but we can't go anywhere cuz babe is napping etc.
* i'm always tired. there's NO down time. well, only after 9pm but by then down time=bed for me as well.
* "share", "careful", "don't topple him", "leave him alone" have become my automatic responses to any crying noise in my house.

+s:
* almost every day atleast once my heart breaks with all the love it can't contain.
* ds1 is a built-in babysitter/baby entertainer for those 5 mins it takes me to put away the laundry or do my hair or unload the dishwasher etc.
* ds1 has an personal, 24/7 adoring fan who doesn't care what anyone else thinks of his big brother. for all the bullying at his hands, ds2 has eyes only for ds1 when both are awake.

Ditto for all of that, except my second one is a dd and I believe it takes us an extra 30-45 minutes to leave the house. But I am not usually an organized person...,if you are, I'm sure that would definitely help.

[oceanbaby]

Haven't read the replies . . .

I found going from one to two to be incredibly easy, actually. Much of it was probably becaue of the personalities of my kids. Ds1, while a very difficult baby, was the world's easiest toddler in terms of behavior, and was more than thrilled to have a baby in the house. Ds2 was a fairly easy baby - very content, decent sleeping, etc. So all went pretty well. (They are 3y2m apart.)

[sleepingbeauty]

We've got the two girls. Willow is 2.5 and Zoey is 1. Having them so close in age is pretty damn hard. Willow is starting to settle into the terrible twos (and they are getting to be pretty terrible pretty fast). I only bring up her age because yours is about the same age. She gets really jealous of her sister now. If we pick up Zoey, she needs to be carried too. If her sister has a bottle, she needs one too (her grandparents have her on the bottle still... we're pushing for the sippy cup. Zoey's more into it than Willow)

There are positives too though. Especially in my kids' case, they need someone as close to them as possible in their situation. IT's always nice to be able to go to school with your brother or sister. If they are close in age, they will be going through all the stages and phases at the same time (a bonus for you--teh teenage years won't be drawn out so long!)

I guess it really is up to you and your OH. If you are ready to take on baby #2, go for it! You will have different challenges depending on which way you go. You jsut need to pick which set you'll deal with ^-^

Kinda rambley, I hope I got my point across. GL!

[berry987]

I have three now...all two years apart. Transitioning to 2 kids was actually easier for me than when my first was born. I was already in kid-mode and adding another to the mix wasn't hard. I wore him all the time, but honestly, within a couple of months, it felt very natural to balance both of their needs. Adding a third was harder because I ran out of hands, but again, I'm knee-deep in kids and their needs, so it just wasn't a shock. The first...oh...that was an adjustment. Pre-kids I loved my sleep, my free time, spontaneous activities....so having my first was the biggest adjustment.

The real benefit of having multiple kids is starting to show now. My oldest two boys are 5 and 3 and really good buddies. They do fight about toys, etc. but for the most part, they play together and keep each other occupied. When my 3 year old naps, my 5 year old is bored and follows me around asking to play, to do crafts, to help my clean, etc. Maybe only-children learn to play better alone, but man, it makes me think that he'd be at my heels all day without his little brother.

[Chryseis]

Originally Posted by lach

I think everyone had stressed how HARD it was me to the point that I was expecting practical armageddon when #2 was born... so actually compared to what I was expecting it was a piece of cake!

This. When my son came along it just felt very natural. My daughter absolutely loved him from the first time she saw him. And he has always adored her. She adjusted extraordinarily well to the new baby. Now that he's older we do have some of the toy struggles and such, but on the whole they're great friends.

Overall the adjustment from 1 to 2 was really easy. It felt like he'd always been here. It was a little difficult for us to get used to the sleepless night thing again because my daughter was a great sleeper, and my son isn't. Going out does take a bit longer than it did before, but really, it isn't a big deal. I never did get the hang of nursing in a carrier (my goal for this next baby), but I never did have much of a problem when out and about with both kids.

[MichelleAnnette]

My kids are 27 months apart and we've had no jealousy issues. I love having them both. I am tandem nursing, which I think helps my ds a lot. It just works for us. The transition from 1-2 was easier than 0-1 for us. Here's a little about my experience: http://gabethebabe-stille.blogspot.c...o-under-3.html. I have several posts in October about adjusting to life with 2.

[InMediasRes]

For me, going from 0 to 1 was WAAAAYYYYY harder than 1 to 2.

That doesn't mean that going from 1 to 2 was easy, because it wasn't. It's an adjustment every day, and I still worry about giving everyone what they need (especially me and DH, I know I can give the kids what they need, but our marriage takes a lot more work with two). My DS was 1 month shy of 2 when DD was born. He was an extremely high needs baby, so DD has seemed like the "angel baby" compared to him. I was ready for just about anything she could dish up. Dealing with his needs with another sibling in the house has really been harder than meeting her needs.

Now that she is almost 10 mo, they play and goof around, and she only has eyes for him. He clobbers her constantly (which drives me batty), but as soon as she's recovered, she's right back to wanting to be with him all the time. She also is always into his things, which is hard for him.

And I'm with everyone else that said it takes much longer to get anywhere, except it regularly takes us up to 1:30 to get anywhere. Luckily, we don't have anywhere to be most days.

I will always wonder if I could handle DS better if I didn't have DD around, or if I could be a better mom for DD if we had put more space between them, but mostly I just love it. DD is such a joy in all of our lives, and she has brightened up my DS's life as well.

You'll never know until you try!

[limette]

My two are 28 months apart and I'm pregnant with number 3 who will also be 28 months apart from dd2.

I was worried about the jealousy thing too but DD1 was awesome with her sister. To me the workload wasn't any more difficult but I had no problem going from 0-1 either.

DD1 was fully potty trained so only 1 in diapers. It's good, watching them together is awesome.

[IntuitiveJamie]

I did not think that going from 1 to 2 was difficult at all (initially). However, number two was a very easy baby aside from food intolerances, (thru BM), but I had already been through the elimination diet stuff with #1, so I just had to do it all again.
Anyways, being a BFing, slinging, co sleeping parent made things very easy for me. I was out and about with both babes by two weeks. I just really did not think it was hard. Oh and my first handled it fine, so no problems there.

However, as they have gotten older (now 4 and 2), I think it is a lot of work and it has been the best form of birth control there is. My desire for a third has decreased immensly! They of course, are both completely different personalities. There are two of them for everything...two to need me in everyway, two to headbutt me and wrestle me (boys..lol), two to get dressed and get out the door and pack bags for and feed and obviously you get the picture. It is exhausting sometimes I'm not gonna lie.

On a lovely positive note..they are great brothers. They now play together for extended periods of time which gives me a little time to myself. I love their different personalities. What I may not get from one I get from the other. For example, my oldest is no longer a cuddler unless he wants it on his terms. My youngest is a snugglebug! I like having one that is older doing older things and still having a "baby". Soon the youngest won't be a baby either, but in the meantime I enjoy having a big boy and a baby iykwim.

Really though, I don't think anyone can exactly say what going from 1 to 2 is going to be like, b/c everyones experience is diff. If I had had a colicky baby or the older one had a difficult time adjusting, I'm sure I'd tell you my experience was completely different.

Overall, I'm super glad I have two...just not so sure about that third I originally wanted. LOL

[Bellabaz]

FOr me that hardest part is maintaining my patience. It can be stressful when dd1 is whining, dd2 is freaking out and I am trying to cook or drive. Getting ou of the house needs way more organization. That adjustment takes a month or 2 but you get it down eventually. Babywearing has saved me. I do feel bad about the reduced attention I give dd1. And that dd2 doesn't get alot of just us time. But thats life when you have more than 1 kid. I wouldn't take it back for anything. And for us it hasn't been that hard. Just a matter of reorganizing how we spread our attention and how we plan our time.

they are 2.5 years apart btw.

[lach]

Originally Posted by Bellabaz

I do feel bad about the reduced attention I give dd1. And that dd2 doesn't get alot of just us time.

I felt really bad about that, too. But then another mother told me "the first one gets the benefit of all your attention, and the second one gets the benefit of an older sibling's attention." And it really is true. DS thinks that DD walks on water. DH and I are okay, I guess, if Big Sister isn't around... but when she walks into the room he just lights up and watches her every move. And she makes sure he has toys (just so long as they're not toys she happens to want, LOL), and now that he's babbling she never gets tired of babbling back... which is of course the best thing you can do for a babbling baby! It totally lets me off the hook

And one way or another, the attention thing really does all work out almost all of the time. If all else fails, I lay them on their backs side by side, and tickle one tummy with each of my hands. They both LOVE that.

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by orangefoot

Firstly, you will have a tiny weeny baby who makes your first child look like an enormous monster with monster sized hands.

And a monster sized attitude.

[Peppermint Poppies]

My two are 24 months apart, plus a couple of weeks.

Honestly, I was expecting the worst since DS was an extremely high-needs baby and has continued to be high-needs as he gets older. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that, apart from the sleep deprivation, having 2 kids was no more difficult than having 1. Some things are trickier ... getting out the door, dealing with 'arsenic hour', bedtimes ... but some things are easier too because DS is DD's most favourite entertainment

Honestly, DS LOVES DD, he adores her, treats her beautifully, is concerned for her welfare, interested in the things that she is learning. It's amazing to see them together. And DD gets these huge belly laughs watching DS dance and be silly ... she doesn't laugh like that for anybody else.

I was worried that introducing a sibling would make DS feel like he was missing out on some attention, but it's been the opposite .... he's got an extra person to love, to show off to, to be affectionate with. It's been such a positive thing for him. It just warms my heart to watch them together. I honestly think DS was never supposed to be an only child - he has thrived since DD was born, absolutely blossomed!

[Bellabaz]

Very good points about the sibling attention. I never thought about it that way. It is true.

[raspberry.swirl]

Originally Posted by lach

I think everyone had stressed how HARD it was me to the point that I was expecting practical armageddon when #2 was born...

So while the hard parts are hard, most of it, IME, wasn't that hard. Some things are considerably more annoying: going out is a PITA, strapping 2 kids into carseats (let's see, do I hope the toddler stands still next to me in the parking lot while I strap baby in first, or do I lie baby down on the floor of the car and hope the toddler doesn't kick him in the face while I strap her in first?). But I wouldn't say that's hard: just kind of logistically annoying.

It seems universal about the getting ready and car thing. I was lol when I read this. Thank you for sharing.

[raspberry.swirl]

Thanks for putting the question out there. I haven't been on MDC is a long time and this is exactly what I was looking for! I have a 20 month old DD, have been with my husband since 2000, married since 2005. I want my babies within 4 years of each other. May start trying in August '10 (our anniversary month). I work in education so it would be ideal to have the baby in June.