Good guess the family's not going to be supportive...

[thursday2]

I hate being right.

I'm on the phone with my surgeon father yesterday - who is definitely medical establishment but usually very even-minded - when I happened to mention what a nice surprise it was to find out one of my clients is a natural birth instructor, and what a great free resource she's going to be, already sending me links and referrals and DVDs. That's literally all I said.

Long pause. "Are you...considering?...going natural?" "Um, I'm pretty set on it." It felt a little like I'd just suggested a daily dose of bungee jumping.

A 45 minute measured diatribe followed about how there's no need for a woman to experience pain in childbirth in this day and age, how people are worried more about their "experience" than the health of their child, and how his big worry about "natural people" is that if the birth needs to be sped up with pitocin, and as a result the OB suggests an epidural, that I'll get stubborn and refuse...which isn't a bad thing to say per se, except that my reply, "Sure, and the same with people who want an epidural - they may not get it if the birth goes too fast. Birth is pretty unpredictable and it's important to be flexible," was not the common ground statement I'd hoped it to be.

Hmmm...perhaps my instinct to keep my potential HB a secret from my family is correct. I was sincerely hoping to lend him Pushed and have a nice friendly discussion about the whole thing, but I'm guessing that's not going to happen.

[dogmom327]

I hate the word flexible. I've had two people lately tell me they don't want to do a birth plan because they want to be "flexible"--said in such a way to imply that by planning a home birth (two actually), I was not flexible. Seriously?

Hugs to you.

[scottishmommy]

ok so my dad is a doctor too. he used to feel that way about birth, until i forced him to start reading articles on modern obstretrics. we sat down together and read through whatever top-secret-only-doctors-get-to-read reports and my dad was stunned. we found an article on elective c-sections vs vaginal births that reported a 4x neonatal death rate for sectioned babies. my dad was floored. he was like "you should just stay home next time"! he was shocked that obs practice unethical medicine. granted he had his training in england, and he's in internal medicine, which is a little bit of a different mindset than a surgeon, but still...your dad just doesn't know the data. tell him to do some research and get back to you. he'll come around. the data is there. if it weren't better to go natural then why would we all want to suffer? we're not trying to be martyrs, we're trying to prevent complications, duh! i love it when people think that we natural birth moms are in it for the experience. um no, we just happen to weigh the risks. good luck!

[gabeyho]

Originally Posted by dogmom327

I hate the word flexible. I've had two people lately tell me they don't want to do a birth plan because they want to be "flexible"--said in such a way to imply that by planning a home birth (two actually), I was not flexible. Seriously?

Hugs to you.

Seriously. Luckily, none of my family/friends feels this way, but there are people in my life who seem to think that since I don't see it their way I must be incredibly dense and inflexible....although it is very one-sided, because they certainly don't see it MY way and I am not making swift judgements!!

[GoldmanBaby09]

Originally Posted by thursday2

how people are worried more about their "experience" than the health of their child, and how his big worry about "natural people" is that if the birth needs to be sped up with pitocin, and as a result the OB suggests an epidural, that I'll get stubborn and refuse...

I would say that your dad has it all mixed up. I think the ones who are more worried about their experience than the health of their child are the women who are signing up for their epi's at 1.5 cm. And why would your birth need to be sped up? Why is it such a ludicrous idea that your body be able to go at it's own pace and that your baby, not an ob, decides when to be born?

I guess you can ask your dad to do more research, but some people seemed to have their opinions about birth deeply ingrained. Especially as a surgeon, he has had years of indoctrination into the medical dogma. I would probably stick to your original plan and don't say anything to him further. If he can't be supportive then he is only going to serve to bring you down about your choices. I would just call him after the baby has been born safely when it is hard to argue when the baby is already there.

[laughingfox]

Originally Posted by thursday2

people are worried more about their "experience" than the health of their child

This seems to be the latest argument against natural/home births. Since the opponents know that they don't have facts on their side, they're resorting to insinuating that natural birth is selfish.
It's hard to rebut because there's just no logic in it.
How is the health of the child harmed by a lack of epidural? Seriously? How can someone even suggest such a notion with a straight face?

[sharr610]

. I'm sorry. Its a bummer when your family doesn't support things that are important to you. I KNOW our family merely "accepts" our choices and actually had the only "fight" I've ever had with my brother in law when I reached 42.5 weeks with DS.

But, I also know that they love us a ton and are only working with the information that makes sense to them. We've shared literature and links and research, but its like anything else, unless they WANT to believe it, they aren't going to. And as such, they work with what they have. Being a mama now, I GET the irrational worry thing with my child. Its just part of the package and try to take it as a reminder of how loved you are, even if its by a totally uninformed person .

If the parents find out/are told at some point, just calmly remind them that you are an adult, that you have done your research, and that you feel this is the best decision for you and baby. And leave it at that.

[S.Elise]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

ok so my dad is a doctor too. he used to feel that way about birth, until i forced him to start reading articles on modern obstretrics. we sat down together and read through whatever top-secret-only-doctors-get-to-read reports and my dad was stunned. we found an article on elective c-sections vs vaginal births that reported a 4x neonatal death rate for sectioned babies. my dad was floored. he was like "you should just stay home next time"! he was shocked that obs practice unethical medicine.

Such a good point. Not that obstetrics was any bed of roses in the 70s and 80s, but IMO the US has diverged way more from international standards and gotten far less evidence-based/"cover-thine-own ass first" in the intervening years. Our parents sometimes are not aware of just how bad things have gotten with hospital birth in some senses since they were having babies/in medical school.

I had to educate my American parents on modern hospital practices (and how they differ from those in the past), and my Euorpean in-laws on modern US practices (and how they differ from the ones in their country), before they could get fully on board with my decision to forego OB/hospital care. Now that they have seen the statistics and studies, they support me fully.

[goinggreengirl]

Sorry you had to put up with that. My family knows I'm planning a home birth because I accidentally mentioned it to my sister who freaked and told everyone (trying to get them to agree with her.) Thankfully, my family doesn't butt into each other's business much. We are, however, keeping it a closely guarded secret from my MIL. And friends also don't know... I just figure we'll tell everyone afterwards when baby is here- safe and healthy in March!