Is 3yo turning a corner, or is this bad news?

[Straggletag]

We had a very sweet 2yo who was easy to talk through rough spots with, only to transition into a typical difficult, tantrum-y 3yo a few months back. I definitely think her switch was largely caused by DH and I getting slack with our earlier gentle and respectful discipline methods, due to being overwhelmed and cranky with late pregnancy, plus enduring a lot of pressure from my Dad to be stricter. I feel terrible about it and we're working very hard to find our center again.

Well, two days ago we were at our weekly dinner party at my folks and someone was setting up the computer in the living room for something. 3yo runs over and is about to hit some very bad buttons, when all dozen of the adults in the room call out "no!" simultaneously. We all sounded firm, but no shouting. She covered her ears (she does that in response to loud noises and intense movie scenes), ran over to a chair, seemed to trip and planted her face in the seat with ears still covered. She stayed like that for ten minutes! I did get concerned and we checked on her, but she was fine and doing it deliberately. Some of us made an attempt to coax her out of it by talking to her and a little tickling, but she was determined so we respected that. When she got up, she was more affectionate and mindful.

Since then, whether at home or at my parents', she occasionally responds to correction with the same behavior. I think she's embarrassed! Her cooperation has improved and she's affectionate again. On the one hand, I feel a little sorry for her and I worry about inadvertently shaming her, though we're not doing anything classically shaming unless just saying "no" in a pressing situation counts. On the other, this started naturally, as a spontaneous demonstration of her community that some behaviors are socially unacceptable. Of course some embarrassment is the reflex response, but isn't this also the method by which children gradually learn the correct behaviors?

My inclination is to be relieved and grateful, and to respect this as our daughter learning to negotiate the wider social world a little on her own, but I'm a worrier. Insights?

[sunnmama]

My nearly 3 yo has begun doing this a bit (bursting into tears out of embarrassment when I gently correct him at the playground: "Please wait for the little boy to get up from the slide first!" after he nearly plowed into a 1 yo).

It's fine. Our dc will feel uncomfortable emotions (sadness, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration). It is part of life. Of course, we don't try to cause our dc embarrassment or shame, but we don't need to be concerned about the fact that they do sometimes experience those emotions. The emotions serve a purpose, after all.

And, yes, it does sound like your 3 yo turned a bit of a corner in terms of social awareness! Way to grow!

[HoneyTree]

How interesting.

My ds definitely become self-conscious around that time. It totally freaked me out. Here we had done so much work to cultivate openness and communication and acceptance, and then, all of the sudden, ds was too embarrassed to pee behind a bush, dance at weddings, say hello to friends out in public, etc. We did try and explain the concept of embarrassment at this time, though I don't think he really understood it. I just wanted to give him some tools to communicate a difficult feeling.