How do you decide when they are 'too old'?

[confustication]

I'm at a loss here to find my footing. I have a very close relationship with my parents, and I remember much of my childhood very clearly. I also remember that by age 9/10 I was old enough and mature enough to help babysit, be home alone for several hours, make a simple meal, etc and so on. By that age I also had boxed up and given away or set aside most of my toys.

So, now that I'm the mom, and I have the eight year old, I find myself shocked to hear my mother telling dd that she's 'too old' to have a dollhouse (she lost many of her belongings in a fire, and the dollhouse was something we haven't replaced- though it's been over a year, she was oddly tearful this morning about how much she wanted one, and how much she missed playing with it.)

We were over for coffee, and my mother repeatedly voiced that dd was 'too old' for several things she expressed interest in, as well as saying that she was old enough to understand that Santa wasn't real. I look at dd and her sense of fantasy and play, and think it's fine for her to want to play with dollhouses and toy dragons and well- anything she's interested in really- but my mother's words and actions are making me feel as though I'm somehow preventing her from 'acting her age' by not actively encouraging her to leave these 'childish' things behind.

Perspective please?

(I have a great relationship with my parents, and cutting their contact with their grandkids isn't an option. If I voice something clearly enough, they will abide by my wishes regarding my kids, I'm just looking for a perspective surrounding this issue before I run off telling my mum to butt out and let her granddaughter be a little girl for as long as she wants.)

[amnda527]

I don't think 8 years old is "too old" for a dollhouse at all! I was definetly still playing barbies and other make believe/fantasy stuff at that age. I stopped believing in Santa around age 10 or 11 I think. I know I still played with my barbies on occasion up until I was about 12.
It's not like it's hurting anything for her to play make believe, at least in my opinion. Some parents want their children to grow up at an earlier age, and if that's what they want then fine. But it doesn't sound like you want your daughter to grow up too fast.

[Stephenie]

I don't think that she's "too old" by any means. In fact, I still think dollhouses are fun and have wistful feelings when I see them because it's something I always wanted as a child and never had. I can't wait for my kids to be old enough to enjoy one That said I think that you need to look at your childhood and your daughter's separately. You're different people and she should be treated as her own person. I see no benefit in forcing her to leave part of her childhood behind before she's ready to do so. I'm not big on black and white- one kid may be ready to move on to "older" activities at eight and another may not. Either way is fine.

Don't let your mother worry you. You know your child best. Good luck

[JamieCatheryn]

Fantasy is cool no matter how old you are! And dollhouses, nice ones not ugly plastic monstrosities, are great forever too. Though as she gets older it won't be to sit down and play with so much as maybe pose scenes now and then.

[LoMaH]

confustication
Why don't you show your mom the following link to dollhouses where the age range states from 3-11 yrs. old?
ETA- the Laurel House states it's for 3- 14! (even better)

http://www.toysrus.com/search/index....ter|8-11+Years

Personally, I wouldn't worry if my dd wanted to keep playing with her dollhouse after 11...... but at least for now, you can keep the peace with your mom and continue to allow your daughter to play with her dollhouse.

[ScootchsMom]

I don't think putting an age limit on innocent play "things" is a good thing. The kids today (Oh wow, I sound OLD saying that!) grow up too fast. Allowing them to keep their innocence and not rush into "growing up" is wonderful to me.

[VisionaryMom]

Our house burned down when I was 8, and it was horribly traumatic! I still remember things I lost in the fire. Could it be that she was tearful over the dollhouse because of the loss of the fire? I don't think 8 is too old for a dollhouse, but maybe there's something else going on there.

As for Santa, my 8YO nephew still believes in him although my MIL told me that by 2nd grade, most teachers in the school where she is won't run interference with regard to Santa because the majority of kids know he's not real. So I'd say she's probably on the cusp of too old not to know.

[Ruthla]

There's a huge difference between "being old enough to do ABC" and "being too old to do XYZ." Old enough to know Santa and the Tooth Fairy aren't real does NOT mean that she's too old for any specific toy! I remember being 14 and babysitting and having as much fun with the Barbie dolls as the 4yo I was babysitting (never mind that I'd passed my own dolls along to my cousin a year or two earlier, embarrassed to admit I still played with them.)

I think you should tell your mom to stop saying things like that directly to DD. It's not her place to do so. Any concerns she has about DD should be told to you when DD isn't within earshot. I would keep it simple with her, saying something like "I don't think she's too old to play with dolls, and it's confusing to DD when you say things like that to her. Having a dollhouse isn't going to keep her from growing up or being more responsible."

Let your mom know that it's OK if she disagrees with you, but you're the parent and you get to make the parenting decisions.

[treespeak]

Aw, 8 is NOT too old to play with doll houses. I was into doll houses when I was little, and even as a teenager that intrest morphed into making to-scale minature doll house furniture and accessories. If she enjoys it, go for it! I still think doll houses are magical.

[Shanelovr]

i've always wanted a dollhouse and i can't wait until i have babes to play with. even without them, i'd still love to have one.

[Drummer's Wife]

I don't think you decide when they are too old. I think they decide when they are too old, ya know?

I'm not sure what your mom's issue really is, but I would just tell her your DD still enjoys these things, and that's all that matters.

[lach]

Ya know, I love my parents too, but i have to say that of late, they're really getting on my nerves. They've become crotchety old people. That's really all there is to it. Not senile at all, but some of the things they come with are so far out of left field, and totally nasty. And just, well, WEIRD. I practically expect them to roll up newspapers and bark "get off my lawn!" sometimes. Other times, they're back to being totally normal, really fun and funny people. And they're not even that old! They're both in their early 60's. I've recently been having conversations with several friends who are experiencing the exact same thing with their parents.

I have no idea how old your mother is, but I have to say that 8 being too old for a dollhouse is just, well, WEIRD. I mean, dollhouses are a toy that I think most girls keep for longer than most of their toys. I remember a ton of friends still had their dollhouses hanging around when we were in high school. I don't know if they "played" with them, but if I were a betting woman I'd say the furniture at least got rearranged every once and a while

Plenty of adults collect dollhouses.

So, no, I don't think that 8 is too old for a dollhouse. And telling an 8yo who lost all her toys a year ago that there's no Santa and that she shouldn't even want to replace some of her old toys? Totally crotchety old person syndrome. It sounds like someone may be getting along in years, and it isn't your daughter...

[Straggletag]

LOL, too old? What planet is she from, one of the best things about being a parent is the toys! I'm absolutely guilty of springing for toys for the girls that I would have loved (though never toys they're not interested in, I'm also old enough to buy myself any toy I want and let comments roll off my back). I'm reliving my childhood these days and see no harm in it, so how bad can it be if an 8yo lingers a little before stepping off into Britney and Hannah?

[confustication]

My family always emphasizes Santa as a way to communicate a 'Spirit of Christmas' so while dd kind of 'knows' she chooses to believe anyway- I know- that sounds convoluted, but it works for us.

My mom is in her 60s, and was brought up in a very rigid household- not cruel, but distant and concrete. I wonder how much of her thinking is trying to neatly tuck everyone into the same box she was raised in- at least within her family. She's entirely supportive of other families doing things as they see fit- it's just ours that gets a bit sticky.

I'll have a chat with her in the morning asking her to back off, I just wanted to have some perspective to make sure I wasn't trying to keep dd little for too long or some other such hooey. Thanks

It's nice to know other people are coming from the same place I am when I talk to her. We had it out several years ago with 'this will be done MY way, I am the parent!' and she's much much better, but there are still times when the lines blur because we are such an entwined family (they live a few blocks away- and dd and her grandparents are very close.)

[ssh]

I remember giving my doll collection to a 4 year old the summer before I turned 12 because I had decided I was too old for them. I had a younger sister and played with her and her friends. 8 is not too old.

[kittyhead]

i played with my dollhouse until i was 12 or 13, FWIW.

[A&A]

your dd wanting a replacement dollhouse may be more than just about a dollhouse. Perhaps she wants a sign of security--that everything is ok again after the fire.


And yeah, I'd tell your mom to butt out.

[meemee]

does your mom still enjoy something that others call kids things? like collectibles or teddies or something like that. if you link it to her present interest she might find it easier to relate to what you are saying.

the way i look at these comments is - not that your mom is being mean or bad or any of hte labels one uses - it just reflects her own upbringing and the fact that she is judging ur dd's childhood based on you. her experience. show her the lego siites. show her how even adults play with lego.

doll houses are fantasy. there is no age for fantasy. i myself love playing dollhouse with dd. maybe ur mom might enjoy that too.

[sapphire_chan]

Today's dollhouse is tomorrow's miniatures hobby. At age 8, I'd expect (not require ) more than just playing with the house out of the box, but certainly wouldn't find it unusual to want a dollhouse.

Your mom seems a bit, um..., mean. Have you considered grounding her from time with your dd until she's worked through her own issues or has the self-discipline to keep from spewing them at your dd?

[sapphire_chan]

Do a search for "doll house" in this page http://stummyb.blogspot.com/ to jump down to a picture of one of the doll houses at the Children's Museum here in Indy.

The lower left hand room (partially obscured) is a wood-working shop!