she turned two and is now a different child

[Mama_Meme]

HI there!

my DD turned two in November and it's like she's become a different being. My calm and very cooperative little one became a tantruming and fiercly uncooperative toddler. it's like a switch turned on and she became the epitome of "terrible twos". I'm trying to surrender into it as much as possible, and there are definitely times when I see her calm and cooperative side come out, but it seems like almost every hour (or less) there's another total breakdown over things like... putting on pants. Or sometimes even things that I don't know what is going on...

anyone else experience this in their toddlers? it would be nice to know i'm not alone.

[Violet2]

YES. We've had entire threads on it last month.

Listen, my DD did the SAME thing. She was a nightmare right after her 2nd bday in October.

Luckily she has calmed down some and it's not as intense. I stopped doing planned activities where we had to be on time b/c it wasn't worth the power struggle.

I am just now making plans to go out with her places and I try to be consistent about discipline so she knows where the boundaries are.

Hang in there!

V

[jenfl]

Oh, yeah. Mine hit the "terrible 2s" a bit early and thankfully is pulling out a bit early, too. When I was in the middle of it, all I could do was live moment to moment. Now that she's coming out of it, I can look back and acknowledge how hard it was.

It's probably going to take a while for you to surrender into it, because you remember the calm and pleasant baby. At some point, this will become "normal", and it'll be easier to live in it.

I coped by living breakdown to breakdown, trying not to dwell on the last one or look to the next one -- kind of like contractions!

Another thing that helped was for me to realize that she was going to break down no matter what I did. It wasn't that I'd failed to anticipate a need or was doing something wrong, she just needed to lose it at that moment. If she hadn't broken down because I tried to get her out of the car seat instead of letting her do it herself, she would have broken down because she wanted to get out the other side or because she suddenly realized she wanted to be wearing different shoes.

The worst for me was the contrariness. Me: "Have fun at the park!" Her: "I WON'T have fun!" Me: "But don't you love the slide?" Her: "No! I hate the slide!" Endless, endless contrariness. *sigh*

Things are slowly turning around. She's agreeing with things, speaking nicely to strangers, and getting excited and helpful again. DH and I still look at each other in wonder at each small change. Life is becoming so pleasant! ... just in time for #2 to throw it into chaos again.

[StrawberryFields]

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Dd is turning 2 in January and my day is one long tantrum. Her new thing is to scream hysterically and fling her body around in the store, so I decided last week that we can no longer run errands anymore. But 5 out of the last 5 store trips she has completely unleashed. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I ended up carrying her out of Trader Joe's in a football hold as she kicked her legs and screamed. At the same time I had to push our mounded cart across the parking lot and hold my 4 year old's hand. And it was 20 degrees out.

So now that I have to save everything for the weekend I am totally screwed because dh rarely cuts me the time I need to leave. I needed to run errands today and never got to leave, ended up having dinner delivered since I never got to the grocery store like I hoped. I'm a prisoner...

[Materfamilias]

Hmmm. Mine's doing some of this already at 16 months. Scary.

[Krisis]

My DS is also turning 2 in January and is the same way. He started the tantrums, the terrible-two-ness at about 21 months. It has gotten WORSE over the last week, but I wonder if he's got a cold and that's why. Screaming for 45 minutes straight because he wants to sit in the car when it's 3 degrees outside...

Some things, I am okay to give in on. Things like going for a walk when it's below zero and he's got a cough, heck no. I just have to sit back and listen and try not to break down myself. It's hard. So, so hard.

[sunshadow]

For my daughter it started a month before her 2nd birthday and lasted until about a month after her birthday. I didn't think I was going to make it. She was so hard. And I had also just found out I was pregnant and was all "I can't do this again ahhh!" But, she did calm down... for a few months. Now she is 2.5 and it's getting hard again. Not exactly the same way though. So far I can deal with it. We will see after baby is born. I am now being told the real terrible two's are from 2.5 and last until 4. Ahhh!

[*MamaJen*]

DS will be 2 in a couple of weeks. He starts to throw tantrums over that sort of thing, but his saving grace is he's very easily distracted from them. ("Look! A puppy!") Spinning him around in a circle also breaks the spell in seconds. So hopefully the distraction tactic keeps on working.

[SFam]

you're definitely not alone! it took me a while to figure it out, but i finally realized my poor baby was in pain from her molars coming in. once i started giving her pain meds, she's been a lot happier and less apt to have tantrums. don't get me wrong, they still happen, but she had been so crabby because she was in pain. so just a suggestion, see if you can tell if it's teething pain, if so, treat accordingly and see if that helps.

[Mama_Meme]

thanks mommas!

I've been reading all I can about parenting lately: rereading unconditional parenting and everything by Jean Liedloff, "becoming the parent you want to be" etc etc.

I think she's getting bored. We've been inside a lot more because it's winter (we're in Canada) and I've been going into hibernation mode, which means I want to do less, curl up with a book and not talk/do anything. standard northern winter fare.

We've been doing WAY more activities in the last few days: making sauerkraut, boiling beans, vacuuming (which turns out is her #1 favourite activity right now). I'm also trying the "strap-her-on-my-back" technique, when things get really hairy. Getting her on there can be a challenge, but once she's up there and I just putter around for a while, she seems to calm right down.

I focus on surrender.

Man it can be a challenge.

Good luck to all you mommas too.

To the PP with the child freaking out during outings: my DD has decided that running away in places (like the farmer's market) is an OK thing to do. it's a little stressful and has definitely made me reconsider going with her. However, it's just not feasible for me so Im going to have to figure something else out..... I guess being 34 weeks pregnant, you can't use a backpack? hugs to you!

[mommy777]

I went through the same thing when my youngest turned FOUR! She has officially decided to drive me insane.

[hollytheteacher]

Yep, we're there! It started about a month or so before DS turned 2 and he's 2 years 3 months now...

I feel like some days are better than others. Today we went to a wake and ds was with his grandparents. They said he had a great day with no tears, but within five minutes of us getting there to pick him up he cried and changed his mind about 10 different times/things.

Do you want to put your coat on or have mommy help you?
SELF!
Okay put it on.
NO,, MOMMY DO IT!!!!
Okay let me see your arm
NOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Self!!!!!!!!!

etc. etc. etc. etc. etc (is there a i'm going crazy smilie face?? lol)