Question for Homebirthers

[Seena]

I am planning a Homebirth for this little one. With my 1st, I had a scheled c/s due to breech presentation. My 2nd was a VBAC in the hospital. When I had my 2nd, DH and my Mom were at the hospital with me and DD1 stayed with my ILs. This time, DH will be in Afghanistan and my ILs have a week long cruise planned right around the time of my due date. My mom is my birth partner.

My question is, what do I do with my 2 and 4 year old? They will have to be in the house during labor, and I'm sure everyone will help keep them occupied while I'm laboring, but what about recovery? Should I get my mom to stay with me for a couple days to help with the kids? I need BTDT experience from other homebirthing mamas who had their kids at the birth and at the home post-birth. Thanks!

[eternamariposa]

I am currently prepping for my first homebirth in the next couple of weeks, yay!, so I haven't quite btdt just yet, but I did come across this in the homebirthing forum that had so much helpful information to read through. I figured I would pass it along. Hope that helps. Good Luck!

[Plummeting]

If your question is mainly about what to do with/about the kids after the birth, then anyone who's gone home from the hospital within 24 hours should be able to answer that one.

[rachie]

reply

My 2.5 year old went to sleep and I labored through the night. Just before the baby crowned (early hours of morning) I had someone go wake up my 2.5 year old and asked if he wanted to see the baby be born. He said yes and my mom picked him up and held him on her lap to watch the baby be born. Then he stayed up for another hour or two saying hello to his new baby sister and hugging his family. It was great. He went to back to sleep and got up later in the morning. My mom and cousin and husband were all there and between them all taking naps someone was always watching him. Me and the baby practically slept for the next 12 hours - I hardly remember waking up to nurse her!

To answer your question I'd say - yes - see if someone you trust can stay for awhile to watch your children while you rest and recover and care for your newborn. I personally thought it was great having more than one person there for me and the baby and our toddler because EVERYONE was still tired from being up with me during labor and birth and afterward. They will want to rest as well. It was so nice that they could all take turns catching a nap.

[Tav Mom]

My only hb happened at night and my older 3 were asleep. My parents were here for 2 days after that. Then it was just me and the kids. And it wasn't too bad, really. I just told the kids that the first month after the baby comes I won't be able to help too much because the baby needs to eat and mommy needs to sit. They understood. We did a lot of parks so that I could sit and they could play. And I had GREAT friends that brought over meals, so I wouldn't need to cook much. I do a lot of crock pot cooking, so that helped too.
Anyway, congrats on your upcoming birth and thank your husband for what he does!! My baby brother is over there now!!

[naupakamama]

Originally Posted by rachie

My 2.5 year old went to sleep and I labored through the night. Just before the baby crowned (early hours of morning) I had someone go wake up my 2.5 year old and asked if he wanted to see the baby be born. He said yes and my mom picked him up and held him on her lap to watch the baby be born. Then he stayed up for another hour or two saying hello to his new baby sister and hugging his family. It was great. He went to back to sleep and got up later in the morning. My mom and cousin and husband were all there and between them all taking naps someone was always watching him. Me and the baby practically slept for the next 12 hours - I hardly remember waking up to nurse her!

To answer your question I'd say - yes - see if someone you trust can stay for awhile to watch your children while you rest and recover and care for your newborn. I personally thought it was great having more than one person there for me and the baby and our toddler because EVERYONE was still tired from being up with me during labor and birth and afterward. They will want to rest as well. It was so nice that they could all take turns catching a nap.

I agree with above.

NAK... My labor was a crazy 3 hours total, but we were still all tired afterword. I have older child who was 4 at the time. She also slept through the labor. My mom was also my birth partner, along with my DH. I personally could not have taken care of my 4 year old and the new babe for the first 48 hours by myself. I was too weak and exhausted.

[Astraia]

I think you should look for a friend to entertain the kids after birth (even in your house is fine) or hire a postpartum doula.

My mom had my brother at home and my dad was in the hospital. She had a friend to keep the older kids (3 of us) occupied during, but no one for after.

She has very clear memories of being exhausted and starving but not being able to get up to get herself something to eat because she was so tired. A neighbour stopped in randomly and made mom tea and eggs and tidied up and did a craft with us while mom rested and she was so relieved and thankful she cried the whole time she was eating.

[Seena]

Thank you everyone! I will make sure my Mom and I are on the same page regarding how long she will stay and how much I will need her help. If anything, to make/bring dinner for a few days.

[Peony]

Definitely see if she can stay for a few days and assist. I had #3 last spring, granted my oldest was 6 and the other one 2, but I certainly needed DH around to wrangle them for a few days. DS was a easy baby and I had a system down pat within that week but night time was rough with the 3, and I needed to take naps for a few days so I could even function. You forgot how much you wake up in those first few weeks! Good luck.

[mntnmom]

My older 2 slept through the birth of #3, and woke up to a new brother! Luckily I had DH home, and it worked out very well. Ask your mom to stay, you need a couple days of help at least. Also, look into a postpartum doula. I know many birth doulas volunteer to help military moms, maybe you can get the help you need relatively inexpensively. Just having someone come in to check on you, do a little laundry and the things that require bending and lifting for that first couple weeks could be a life saver.
CONGRATS! I've been lucky to have my babes with DH home, but I know how much a deployment can suck. . Hang in there, I'm SOOO glad you have your mom!