Surely, this isn't as insane as my family is trying to make me think it is..... - Page 3

[LemonPie]

Originally Posted by bscal

My opinion on this is pretty much my opinion on just about every bit of unsolicited parenting advice I hear:

Unless your family wishes to camp out at your house 24/7 and be 'in charge' of gently redirecting your LO every.single.time he decides to touch one of the tree ornaments then they have zero say in the matter. Whatever the needs and wants of YOUR family is more important that what the extended family thinks.

Seriously. This x1000

Originally Posted by JL83

I would much rather teach my child from the beginning what she can and cannot do than adjust all parts of my child's environment.

But this assumes that the child possesses the necessary impulse control to leave the tree alone. Some of them don't. It's something that will mature with time.

As for me and my house, the tree is behind a baby gate in a rarely used room. I have a part-monkey 14 month old who would probably try to CLIMB the tree, let alone yank ornaments off of it. So we take her in for some guided exploration once in a while. In the meantime, I can worry about other things. . . like pulling her off the dining room table or the front of the entertainment center.

[gaudynight]

As long as we've had kids we've had a fenced in Christmas tree. My concern isn't so much the breakable ornaments as a horror of a little one pulling a tree over on themselves. Probably unlikely to happen, but why take the risk?

Also, I find Christmas stressful enough without constantly redirecting little hands from temptation.

[JL83]

Originally Posted by LemonPie

But this assumes that the child possesses the necessary impulse control to leave the tree alone. Some of them don't. It's something that will mature with time.

As for me and my house, the tree is behind a baby gate in a rarely used room. I have a part-monkey 14 month old who would probably try to CLIMB the tree, let alone yank ornaments off of it. So we take her in for some guided exploration once in a while. In the meantime, I can worry about other things. . . like pulling her off the dining room table or the front of the entertainment center.

Actually it doesn't assume anything.

Well, I guess it assumes that a parent is willing to take the time to teach and parent their child.

My DD was a complete monkey. So while we had a tree out when she was 13 months and 25 months, we watched her all the time.

Of course she didn't have the impulse control not to touch the tree. It's a year later and she still doesn't. That doesn't mean that she wasn't able to start learning.

[LemonPie]

Originally Posted by JL83

Well, I guess it assumes that a parent is willing to take the time to teach and parent their child.

My DD was a complete monkey. So while we had a tree out when she was 13 months and 25 months, we watched her all the time.

Bet you kept your knives and cleaning supplies out of reach, though. How is it really any different?

Just because someone puts up barriers around the Christmas tree doesn't mean they are failing to parent their child. I'd rather not have to worry constantly about her hurting herself with the tree. At some point, she'll outgrow the need to bother the tree (or whatever else I put up/out of reach) and at that point, we'll no longer need the baby proofing

[JL83]

Originally Posted by LemonPie

Bet you kept your knives and cleaning supplies out of reach, though. How is it really any different?

Just because someone puts up barriers around the Christmas tree doesn't mean they are failing to parent their child. I'd rather not have to worry constantly about her hurting herself with the tree. At some point, she'll outgrow the need to bother the tree (or whatever else I put up/out of reach) and at that point, we'll no longer need the baby proofing

I keep small babies safe. In general I do that by wearing them, or by having a safe place to put them like a playpen.

I stop toddlers (the age in question) from serious injury or death. I guess small bumps, scrapes or scary things don't bother me. My 3yo still rides RFing in her carseat because that's actually a real safety thing.

I do think that this sets up an element of not parenting.

Or maybe I'm just not a fan of obsessive baby proofing.

I can't imagine not being the same room as my toddler unless they are sleeping (presumably not in the room with the tree). So when would they get the chance to climb the tree or pull it over?

[lunita1]

We don't fence our tree. It just hasn't been an issue, partly because we have fairly inexpensive, replaceable ornaments, partly because we used mostly cloth ones when my oldest was little (they're cool beaded gold cloth ornaments made in India that we found at Cost Plus), and partly because we have fairly easy going girls and every time I tried to baby proof something it seemed to make things worse. (When I put outlet protectors into my outlets when my oldest was seven or eight months old, she actually rolled over to the wall (she wasn't crawling yet!) and REMOVED THEM. It's like I had put a chokable object in her reach instead of protecting her from the electrical outlet. What baby does that???)

But you know what I saw today? At the PICU at our local medical center, the tree had a baby gate around it. You aren't alone.

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by JL83

I can't imagine not being the same room as my toddler unless they are sleeping (presumably not in the room with the tree). So when would they get the chance to climb the tree or pull it over?

Maybe when you're taking a poop, or talking to another child, or two feet away from you, but way faster, or cooking dinner, or or or or or. . .I can see so many times when it could happen. Anyhow, I can't imagine always being in the same room with a toddler/young preschooler - not when I have older kids I'm dealing with at the same time. I'd also rather not drive myself of my kid crazy with constant "No"'s.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by JL83

I keep small babies safe. In general I do that by wearing them, or by having a safe place to put them like a playpen.

How is putting a gate around the tree different than putting your LO in a playpen? Either way they are kept in a "safe" area. They are both forms of baby-proofing. I don't think putting up baby gates means that you're failing to parent/supervise your child! It means you are responding to your child's unique needs and personality by allowing her to explore but setting clear & safe boundaries. Would you also allow your LO to play in the front yard or driveway with no fence, on a busy street? Yes, you'd be right there with her, but she is probably faster than you and could easily get into the street... you'd be much safer playing in a fenced-in area or the back yard, right???

[Cullens_Girl]

totally not insane... My oldest (now 5) just can't leave things alone and HE is the reason we have only been putting up a 4 ft tree each year (on a table) He just can't leave it alone and every year he has managed to topple the 6 ft resulting in us taking it down and putting up the 4 ft tree..

[yarngoddess]

Originally Posted by Maedze

I did it when my kids were smaller and redirecting was not practical. It's a simple, easy solution that doesn't lead to tears (on part of parent or child!) over-parenting, or broken treasures.

Ignore them and do what's simplest for your family

I totally agree with that!

Originally Posted by bscal

My opinion on this is pretty much my opinion on just about every bit of unsolicited parenting advice I hear:

Unless your family wishes to camp out at your house 24/7 and be 'in charge' of gently redirecting your LO every.single.time he decides to touch one of the tree ornaments then they have zero say in the matter. Whatever the needs and wants of YOUR family is more important that what the extended family thinks.
My own mother is just horrified that we don't put our tree up the Sunday right after Thanksgiving... as we did every year growing up. (And as DH's family did too.) Well, my older DD's birthday is Dec. 4th so we made it OUR family tradition to put it up the weekend following her birthday. Which ends up being today actually. And nope, haven't done it yet. Still need to rearrange the living room a bit and sweep. Oh, well. Anyways, it's OUR family and we'll do what we feel is best.

Beth

I LOVE this! This is exactly what I think about extended family!

Originally Posted by JL83

I don't think you're insane, but you're making the opposite choice to what I chose.

I would much rather teach my child from the beginning what she can and cannot do than adjust all parts of my child's environment.

I would tell my family that this year we weren't doing the breakable ornaments and then parent my child to keep the tree intact.

I have to disagree with your statment. You are telling OP that YOU don't change your child's environment, yet you don't put the breakable ornaments on the tree. I can see making this comment if the OP was putting gates around all the rectangle object in her home, but over a christmas tree? SOME kids don't adapt well to change, and a christmas tree is CHANGE! Does your home Typically have a x-mas tree in it? The x-mas tree is an annomaly to the "normal" home environment for your child. OP is also keeping a tree FULL of glass, heirloom orniments that the family expects to have on there at all times, and a child that is bound and determined to GET to the tree... I would put a gate up too! Not all kids are easily re-directed and not all kids "get it" that no means no, and don't touch is serious. I, infact have 2 boys that re-directing has NEVER worked on them, ever.
I also NEVER put presents under our tree! My kids don't have that impulse controll regarding presents, and I don't expect them to- they are all 7 and under! This is a set of hard lessons to learn! They have to learn not to such, only look, not to play with, to not pull on it, to leave the presnts alone untill some day far into the future that they cannot even fathom. Some lessons are harder for some kids to learn than others.

OP- I applaud your "insanity" because you've found a simple solution that has worked for your family! If only you could find a simple solution for your family's comments....lol! Hope you enjoy your tree and have a wonderfull holiday!

[sapphire_chan]

For the comments by your family, I think that everytime they get on you about the gate, you should take one of the oh-so-important ornaments off the tree and box it up until next year. If they can't keep their mouths shut about how you've chosen to protect the ornaments, they don't deserve to have those ornaments on the tree.

:

[monkey-lamb]

We put our tree in the dining room, which you can see from the living room but is inaccessible because of the gate. You are not crazy! I don't see it as being crazy overprotective of my DD or my ornaments. It's about my own sanity! Also, I can't ask my poor nanny to sit in the room with the tree all day long fighting to keep DD out of it.

[mort20]

We also have a tree inside our house. I don't put play yard gate but I make sure that it won't fall by tying it up on anything with a firm stand. Can't break the tradition, but if it is about my baby's safety, I'm doing what I think is right, with no hesitation.

[LemonPie]

Originally Posted by JL83

I keep small babies safe. In general I do that by wearing them, or by having a safe place to put them like a playpen.

I stop toddlers (the age in question) from serious injury or death. I guess small bumps, scrapes or scary things don't bother me. My 3yo still rides RFing in her carseat because that's actually a real safety thing.

I do think that this sets up an element of not parenting.

Or maybe I'm just not a fan of obsessive baby proofing.

I can't imagine not being the same room as my toddler unless they are sleeping (presumably not in the room with the tree). So when would they get the chance to climb the tree or pull it over?

I don't think keeping a christmas tree from falling over on a baby is 'obsessive'. In my case at least, my tree is artificial, and weighs considerably more than a real tree.

I'm just genuinely surprised at some of your statements, such as always being in the same room with your kid. I have a 6.5 yo, a 4.5 yo and a 14 month old. I also have a ranch style house with a large open floor plan. So yeah, my 14 month old is occasionally in another room. For example, her brother's room is maybe 10 feet from the kitchen around the corner, and she might go in there and play with her siblings while I'm making dinner. I can hear all three of them, I pop in once in while to peek at her, but technically she's in a different room.

General babyproofing allows me to take care of all my kids without having to constantly worrying what the baby's into right this second. I can't always take her with me while I help an older kid either. My 4 yo might need help in the bathroom, for instance, and the baby would be climbing into the bathtub or splashing in the toilet or unloading the cabinets or turning on the water the whole time. It's actually LESS trouble to put up a babygate so I can see what she's up to while I help the older kid.

So yeah. . . I don't have time to run around after my baby all day and pull her out of the tree.

[PurpleFireFlies]

I think it's a great idea....wish I had tought of it This will be the first year in many years that I don't have one young enough to pull the ornaments off the tree...infact last year the tree only had lights so my then 3 yr old wouldnt take everything off.

It will be interesting to see how your sister feels when she has children

[RiverSky]

Originally Posted by JL83

I keep small babies safe. In general I do that by wearing them, or by having a safe place to put them like a playpen.

Hmmm, either lock a baby in a playpen or put a playpen around the tree and let the baby play freely...I think I'd choose putting a playpen around the tree. The baby deserves some freedom.

[mbm]

I cannot imagine anyone objecting to a gate around the tree. Put some paper garland on it if it doesn't seem festive enough. I think it is a good idea!

We don't have one around our (fake) tree only because DD is just not interested (I put all the non-breakable ornaments on the bottom just in case). But if I thought she'd be messing with it all the time, you bet I would put up a barrier rather than continuously expend my energy keeping her away from it.

[feminist~mama]

My (then) childless sister insisted that nothing needed to be moved/child-proofed when my DD and I visited, saying "Oh, there's enough adults here! We'll just watch her!"..

She had a little nativity scene on the floor under the tree- ceramic of course. My almost 14-month-old dd was super mobile (walked at 8 months). Somehow the 5 adults present weren't quick enough and she picked up a couple of the "dollls". I saw her and asked her to put them down, which she did- but not before she knocked them together.

Naturally, they broke in a rather dramatic way. My dd wasn't hurt thankfully- and my sister had the nerve to be fairly upset about it!

I think the gate is a great idea if you've got stuff you don't want broken down low!

[elmh23]

Originally Posted by JL83

Actually it doesn't assume anything.

Well, I guess it assumes that a parent is willing to take the time to teach and parent their child.

My DD was a complete monkey. So while we had a tree out when she was 13 months and 25 months, we watched her all the time.

Of course she didn't have the impulse control not to touch the tree. It's a year later and she still doesn't. That doesn't mean that she wasn't able to start learning.

Is she an only child? With my daughter, who was also 13 months and 25 months at Christmas, I could do that. But with her brother, who was 10 months old and 22 months old at his past Christmases, I've found that my attention is scattered between the two of them and I've found that it's just not as easy as with one child.

PLUS, my first child was very easy going and would actually listen for the most part. The second will listen to you then a second later go after the tree again. It has nothing to do with MY parenting since they've been parented pretty much the same for the most part. It's HIS personality. He will always be my rebel and I am fully aware of this, even though he's not even 3 yet.

[FiddleMama]

Taking the time to teach and parent means different things to different people. I'd rather my kids have a safe place to explore freely than have a picture perfect living room.

I'd rather cage the tree than the kid, but that's just me.