Non-napping misery...!

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Up until recently, Ethan has been a great sleeper. But starting about 2-3 weeks ago, he's been having a hard time napping. And he's miserable when he doesn't get enough sleep. He'll be yawning and droopy-eyed, but when I lay him down (belly, side, or back), he fusses, then cries. I'll walk with him upright on my shoulder forever, wait til he's really asleep, then lay him down. He may nap for 20-30 minutes, then he's awake and unhappy about it. I've worn him in the carrier, which sometimes works, sometimes not. Sometimes he wants his pacifier. Sometimes he wants to nurse. Sometimes he doesn't.

Thankfully he still sleeps very well at night, but I feel bad because he's so unhappy during the day. If he didn't nap and didn't care, I wouldn't mind. To make it worse my mom keeps telling me that I need to let him cry for a while. When I ask her why, she says he needs to "find his spot," whatever that means. She doesn't seem to know either. I might let him fuss for a bit, but not cry. I believe that when he cries it means he needs something. Even if I can't always provide the "something" (gas relief, etc)... But if/when he starts crying, I'll try rubbing his back or talking to him, but if it doesn't work I pick him up again and we start over.

Thankfully, DH is onboard with not letting Ethan cry by himself. And my mom, even if she believes differently, will adhere to my wishes when she watches Ethan (Thank God!!). I'm not so sure about my MIL, but she's not going to be caring for Ethan when I go back to work in a few weeks.

I dunno if I'm looking for suggestions, or support, or what... I'm just stressed and frustrated.

[kismetbaby]

Aren't sleep issues the worst!

No real good advice, just wanted to lend my support and say I think you are doing everything right. I would never let my LO cry it out! If they are crying they are in need IMO. . .even if that need is just to know that mama (or caregiver) is there. I would say its probably a phase. Maybe a growth spurt or he is making some other change/adjustment and it is disrupting his sleep. They change so fast!

Don't know if this is doable, but my LO sleeps best when me or DH is sleeping (or laying right there and reading a book) next to him. For some reason he wakes/startles a lot when on his own, but when one of us is laying with him he sleeps more soundly. And believe me, no matter how deeply asleep we think he is, if we get up and creep away he wakes! Will your LO sleep in the stroller? Some babies love that.

[tzs]

mine's been a bad napper since day one, fights sleep, and apparently i was the same way (she IS a great nightttime sleeper as well.) she's a really alert baby and always checking things out so i really believe she doesn't want to "miss" anything. and now that we're all around 3 months and really into the world around us...i wouldn't be surprised if trouble napping was a developmental thing.

i wouldn't let a babe "cry it out" per se, but one day as she was fighting a nap and i was unable to get to her asap, i realized that sometimes her "crying" isn't sad crying and is just her trying to stay awake. because by the time i got to her she was knocked out. then woke up and repeated the same thing for a couple minutes until she finally fell asleep for the first quality daytime nap she had ever taken. and it took me 2 months and being stuck in the bathroom to figure it out. now i can obviously tell the difference, but as a brand new mom i couldn't.

so that said, when i put her down, it's rare that she doesn't protest cry and i let her work it out with some limits: i don;t leave her alone, i talk to her and tell her it's ok, and i don't let it go for more than 5 minutes or so. i think in the grand scheme of things, 3 minutes of crying is better for her than no sleep. i have to really work on naps since they don't come naturally and pay really close attention to how long she's been up and when she slows down before she gets overtired.

[Julia24]

I agree with TZS. Sometimes that crying is a release cry. It's how they are able to extinguish the light, so to speak. But you can generally tell if this is the kind of cry after you've heard it a couple times - and if that's the case it only lasts a couple minutes. Charlotte often cries when I put her down out of protest, she's one that won't just 'fall asleep' when she's tired, but if she doesn't settle down within a minute or two, I know I have to go back in there and try again.

Also, Charlotte sleeps in her basinet with the hood up IN her crib. I have a fan going in there and it's always dim/dark. The darknes and fan sound are totally sleep cues for her - I think she likes how cozy the basinet is as well.

A couple things you may want to try is NOT picking him up. Instead just pat his tummy, or turn him on his side and pat his tushy, shake the crib (having her in the bassinet is AWESOME for that, I can just rock it a little bit) Say shhhhhhhhhh and get really close to him, maybe even putting your cheek on his cheek while you do it. Babies really like to wake up the same way they went to sleep - so if you can get him down BEFORE he's really asleep, you'll have a better shot of him staying that way.

Also - just know with some babies, it's a real learning curve. If he's only going to take a 30 minute nap, that's okay. Just wait another hour or so and do it again. So, he may take 5 or 6 naps that day - FINE. He'll end up with the same amount of sleep as a few bigger sleeps. Charlotte typiclly takes only one really long nap, and then several 45 ish minute ones.

This too shall pass, yk?

[darcytrue]

My DD has bad nap days sometimes too and days where she won't eat as much. Both of those kind of days usually screw up her nights. ugh. She usually takes a good long nap one time a day and then several mini naps the rest of the day until time for bed, but even that isn't happening every day like it was just a week or so ago.

[StrongFeather]

ahh the sleep/nap issue..

I am happy to report that Sam is sleeping batter these days. at least one long nap a day (if not 2) and then a bunch of mini naps. Night time he still is waking every 2-3 hours.. and honestly I hope that changes soon!

One trick I have been using with Sam that might work is when he wakes, fusses, etc.. I lay next to him or go to him and just hold his hand until he settles back to sleep. It's been working great!

[octobermoon]

i could have written this exact post. i'm worn out and stressed by it.

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Julia and tzs - I know what you mean about the different cries. Sometimes it's just a fussy I'm-so-tired cry, sometimes it's an I'm-so-utterly-miserable cry that escalates into screaming.

Today he cried the miserable cry when I put him down the first two times. I was getting pretty frustrated since he had almost been alseep on his back, then he lost his pacifier and cried, then freaked out when I tried to give it back. Sigh. The third time he started with the tired cry, but didn't stop. So I picked him up again for a few minutes. Fourth time he cried a little, but went to sleep. He'd been up for 3 hours at that point, minus a teeny nap when I nursed him.

It's been 2.5 hours since then, and he hasn't gotten up even though the dog went nuts barking at the mailman and then the UPS guy. I've cleaned the kitchen, washed diapers, taken a shower, decorated the Christmas tree, and eaten lunch. I never have this much time to get things done unless DH takes over baby care!

This kidlet makes no sense!