4 year old running from me

[alana1980]

This has been an issue for a very long time in my home. My 4 1/2 year old son runs from me. Sometimes it is when he has done something wrong, sometimes its when I ask him to do something (like comb his hair or brush his teeth), sometimes its just for fun i.e. we're getting ready to leave and he needs to get his shoes on so its fun to run from me and make me catch him. The most frustrating times are when we're out and its time to head home. At parks he has been known to run to the top of play equipment and stay there yelling down to me that he is never ever leaving. It discourages me from wanting to take him out. I also have an almost 3 year old and a 3 month old baby.

My house has an open floor plan and it is sort of like a figure 8. It makes it really difficult to catch him. When he runs from me, it is a huge trigger for me. It makes me so frustrated with him and I tend to scream.

Any suggestions on how to stop the running?

At parks, I have tried bribing him to the car with the natural lolly pops. It works, but it blows up in my face because he then wants a lolly every time he gets in the car. They don't get sweets, so if they know I have some they are relentless and throw major tantrums.

Please help. I am at my wits end with the running.

[sleepybear1]

I don't know if this helps...but I worked with a lot of Occupational Therapist before having my LO. They talk about people having a variety of responses to stress - fight, friend, fright, or flight.

My LO is a FLIGHT - when she is stressed from a very young age she would try to disconnect & run.

I started saying "In our family we don't run away - we RUN TOGETHER" and I scoop her up. I have encourage her running to me - but sometimes I take her hand & we run around our figure 8 house hand & hand. We practice it in non stress moments as a joke.

I don't know if this will work - but maybe he could graduate from running away to running together!

Good Luck Mama!

[MrsH]

Oh isn't that the most frustrating? Our almost 4 year old does a similar thing. I remember the first time I chased him around a playground, and then realized I would never do it again. Here are some things that have worked for us (and sometimes I have to try them in succession!):
-when I position myself well I sort of "corral" him towards the front door. No words, not threatening or anything, just a physical presence sort of guiding him in that direction. Once there, it's easier to get coats on. Similarly on the playground: when I see him running in the direction that I want him to go, I just kind of walk over and join him, and suddenly we're halfway home. It's not all the time, but I love it when it works!

All the best! And I hear you on the screaming, hope that lessens for you!
-loudly and cheerfully announcing "ok, it's the last time now, so make it good!" and then actually enjoying him as he runs around a final time, finally catching him with a big hug while slipping on his coat (not uncommonly he'll wiggle out of the hug and say "last time" and do it one final time, like it has to be his own decision or something)
-"ok ds, I'm going to the car now" and then walking out of the door. Note it's not "I'm leaving" as that really scares him, I'm just telling him where I'm going, at which point he usually joyfully runs after me
-doing races sometimes works, though sometimes he says absolutely no race
-if there's a different sense of urgency than usual I'll get down on his level and try to get across that he can run around once and then we really must go to do whatever it is. I try to offer something positive for him as well: "if we can get our grocery shopping done we'll have time to watch some Thomas when we get home."

I do think that for my kid there's some sort of an actual need for the running and the more I can let it be his decision the better it works.