Would you have someone around during labor that wasn't supportive of HB? - Page 2

[Bellabaz]

I just had a homebirth this sept. We moved here in July. We have no fam ear by (and frankly wouldn't have chosen them if we had). We had no one near us who we knew well enough to ask to be here for our dd (2.5 yo at the time). We thought about a doula, but price wise was too much and its not really their job. What we ended up doing was paying for half of a plane ticket for my best friend to come from Australia for two weeks. She came like 3 days before my due date (a risk but with my cycles I go 9-10 over due). She was here for the birth and left 3 days later. It was so helpful and awesome. It was truely a gift on her part because she took those two weeks unpaid from work, etc.

I don't know if that is feasible in your situation. But I would not have the type of person you described at my birth. And we needed someone there for dd. Your dd may not want to be in the room at the time and you and dp can't be worrying about where she is in the middle of contractions.

[Comtessa]

My mother was SUPER nervous about my HB, but she also said very early on in my pregnancy that she was going to be there for my birth "no matter what." I think she annoyed my MW's a bit with her lack of support - I think she was just trying to be honest with them about where she stood, while still trying to support me - but it backfired a bit.

However, it was great for ME to have her there. In the end, she put her own opinions to the side and was there with me for the whole thing... and she was so worried that she ended up stifling her worry by keeping busy throughout my VERY LONG labor. So, she cleaned the house and kept everyone really well fed, which was great because I never had to worry about taking care of anybody but myself. My nervous dad showed up, too, and cleaned the basement, mowed the lawn, etc.

It was actually really nice to have them both there, even though they weren't really sure about a HB. I ended up needing to transfer for exhaustion, and dad was already prepared (he had put blankets and pillows in the back of his van so I could lie down on the way to the hospital, and even drove the route ahead of time so he'd know the easiest way to get there).

I guess all of that is to say, your mom may surprise you by being really resourceful and supportive at the time you most need them. I'm really grateful I didn't ban them from my homebirth - I needed both my parents too much, especially mom.

[smeisnotapirate]

Where are you located? Can you post on FYT and see if there's a mom here on MDC who will come watch your DD for some other service? Set up a barter. If you're coming up nil on that one, you could always find a NFL/AP/Birth Circle-y group and see if any of them are willing (or are doula students who need to attend a certain # of births).

And if you're near me (I'm in Conestoga, PA), I'd totally come hang out with your DD, no reimbursement necessary. I bet you could find moms who would do the same.

[allical1284]

I agree with posting on FYT! There are lots of mommas out there willing to help.

ETA: Just PM'ed you!!

[xmasbaby7]

I agree with what everyone says about not having someone there who will distract you from your own thoughts. Nothing could tighten up your cervix more!

But I really, really encourage you to reach out now to find a baby sitter or another mom friend for your own sanity before you are about to have a newborn.

Post-partum isolation is noooooo good!