anyone else with a VERY shy toddler?

[tracymom1]

DS is 27 months old now and we have tried getting him involved in some playgroups and classes at the park district. Most of the time he just clings to me or will play only right next to me. Whenever another child approaches him he drops what he is playing with and runs back to me - he will never say "hi" or interact with other kids.

I know its kind of young for him to actually play with the others, but he won't even engage in side-by-side play. He looks so lost when the other little ones are all running around and playing. We started the park district classes about a year ago and I would think that by now he would have grown comfortable enough to branch out from me a little bit. I am starting to worry about preschool - I am thinking about home schooling but it might not be possible until he is a little older, so I started looking into something for next fall. I am thinking he might not be ready by then...

How do I encourage him to open up a little? I was PAINFULLY shy as a child and I do not want to see him suffer the way I did. I can remember being in kindergarden and being scared out of my mind... I can't let him feel that way.

Any thoughts? Thanks, mamas.

[tri31]

Two of my 3 are really shy. My daughter (now almost 16) grew out of it only in the last few years. She is quite outspoken and confident today.
My 25 month old goes through periods of stranger anxiety. He was so shy, even around extended family, we were briefly concerned him. I talked to his doctor, which led to an evaluation. He is fine and since then he seems more accepting of people. Most likely, because everyone has relaxed about it. Lately he is really curious about people, and not shy when company stops by. He doesn't always know how to react to kids his age, because we don't see many. He needs time to adjust when we go to parks ect.. but after 15 minutes or so, he is fine. Sounds like you are an attentive Mama. Keep following your instincts.
Happy holidays.

[dexlor]

This is sometimes a concern for me as well. I have an almost 21 month old DD. She at first is very shy (buries her face in my neck when others greet her). With loved ones with whom she is more familiar with, she starts "showing off" after a few minutes of shyness. At playgroups, she will sometimes play away from me, but typically doesn't play side by side until we're about ready to go . I was terrifyingly shy as a child and still suffer at times though I am a social butterfly now and most people are shocked that I was so shy I would stare at my shoes walking down the street, hall at school, wherever. I see other children her age or younger who smile when anyone smiles at them and engage very easily. I have to bite my tongue as I feel compelled to say "oh are you being shy". Others will say things like "does she ever smile" or "she looks so serious". I don't want to label her and I don't appreciate when others make some comment. So, I try not to. If she buries her face in my neck or comes running to me when another child tries to interact with her, I just hug her right back and say nothing. I don't want her to ever feel she is being judged, but to feel confident in who she is and who she will become.

[SparklingGemini]

I was shy as a child(still feel very nervous in new situations and anxious in social situations) but DD is definitely not.

One thing that may help is to realize that being shy is an actual physiological difference. There is a part in the brain that reacts differently(the amygdala) and controls the withdrawn responses.

There's a book out too, I think its called The Shy Child.

[PhotoJournMama]

I have a very shy 22 month old. He does a lot of the same things you are describing with your son - doesn't like to play with or near other kids, becomes very clingy if we are in social situations, won't let other kids approach him, and so on. However, he is strikingly different with adults and some older children.

I also started a post and got some great advice which I thought you might like to take a look at. Of course this forum moves so quickly it is on page 12 or something now haha. Anyway, here it is.

We have taken a bit of a break from the programs, we might go to one every other week. I have done this because the holidays for us are very busy - we have four Christmases, two of which we are hosting, and things are very hectic and he is in social situations anyway. I don't want to push him too hard. So far he is doing great and appreciating the time outside or around the house. He has even been saying "hello" or "cute baby" to some kids in the elevator, which he would never do before! I think it might be because he knows he or they will be getting out soon and he doesn't find it as stressful as an 1-1.5 hour program/play group.

I think the best thing is to accept their personalities and find things that your child is interested in. DS would much rather run around by himself in the snow, or read a ton of books, or talk about shapes and colours that he sees than to be in a busy crowd of screaming toddlers! And that is ok with me! Maybe your daughter would fare better with one-on-one interaction where she can concentrate and truly absorb things. One link that I really loved was this article about preschool social skills.

I hope that this isn't too disjointed, and that it helps somewhat.