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Originally Posted by intrepidmother  DH and I are thinking of DC2. The debate is b/w having one closer together (18m) or having one later (2ys or more). I would love to hear the joys and struggles about both options from different mommas.
Concerns I have about having them close together: Will I go insane? Will I be able to give enough attention to both? Will I still have time with DH? Would 3 (if I wanted a 3rd baby) close together be too much? If DC1 isn't sleeping well, can I have another non-sleeper?
Concerns I have about having them further apart: When I get used to toddler stage, I'm going to have to go back to baby stage.... is it better to go through the stages all at once?
Questions, questions, questions.... I would LOVE to hear what experienced mommas have to say.  |
My first two are 13 months apart, and my third will be born when DS is 3 yrs 3 mo and DD is 2 yrs 2 mos.
I will say that we had planned to have our first two within 2 years of one another, but NOT 13 mos apart. So much for LAM as birth control
I can tell you that I have nothing to compare it to other than my own childhood, but I am really thrilled and feel grateful for my closely spaced kiddos. I am blessed with very easy pregnancies and pregnancy recoveries, which absolutely contributed to my feelings. It was easy going through my first trimester when I had a LO who was still immobile ~ Chasing toddlers around is quite exhausting. It was also easy carrying/babywearing him everywhere through my pregnancy ~ I'm already finding carrying my 30 lb 20 mos old OR my 37 lb almost 3 year old exhausting this go round and I am only 17 weeks PG!
Another thing that I liked was the way that being pregnant slowed me down and REALLY allowed me to savor my first childs babyhood. I was not out at 3000 gymboree or makin music classes or whatever because I was very aware that another baby was on the way and I wanted to keep things very slow, very intentional, and treasure those moments in a way that someone can only when they are truly acutely aware of how they are about to change.
Bringing home a new baby with another one so young made it great in that we didn't have to deal with any sibling jealousy/rivalry etc. Our kids are young still, but are truly best friends and spend the day playing together, which makes life great for me. They also nap for 3 hours at the exact same time every day, which is awesome and allows me to get all of my needs met during that time so that when they are awake again I can focus on them.
I agree with the PP who said that age is certainly a factor, I had a lot of goals that I needed/wanted to meet before I had children, and I also had the goal of being done having children by 37 or so. I wanted to buy my own house and achieve all of my career objectives before I had kids as our plan was for me to be a SAHM once we started a family. I did what I wanted to do career/travel wise, and had my first at 31, my second at 32, and my third is due when I am 34. Should we decide to have one more I will still skate in well before 37. I was not willing in nor interested in spacing out my kids every 4 years as I wanted several.
We were not close in spread in my family (I am 3.5 years older than my brother and 8 years older than my sister) and I wanted different for my family.
I love doing activities that constantly engage both of my kids, it makes events like the zoo or the please touch museum easy as they are close enough to be interested in all of the same things. I like that if I chose, it would make reentering the work force easier as they will all be in school without a decade or so passing.
It works for us. I have a ton of help from my DH (who WAH) and a great support system of friends and family. Without those things I can see how it might feel harder ~ especially when the second gets mobile and the first is still so young.
It really comes down to you ~ to what you want or how you envision your family. I like being "IN" it ~ Just in the heart of these childbearing years~ I have been pregnant, nursing, and nursing and pregnant now since May of 06, and I love it. It works for me/us. I can see how that might not work for everyone, however. I also agree with the PP who said that your fertility will of course play a role in it as well ~ I have many friends who were emotionally ready for another baby before they physically were due to breastfeeding. It was a bit the opposite for me
That is a hard thing to factor into your decision though as you might not know what your body will do ahead of time, you know?
I found zero conflict between close spaced sibs and AP, and am surprised to hear that some do.
ETA ~ As to your time with DH question, I have tons of time with my DH. The kids are so young that they both go to bed early (7 and 7.30) allowing us lots of free time together. They also play together, which frees he or I from playing 3000 rounds of cars of teaparty or whatever ~ we can do those things when we choose, but are not forced into it for their entertainment as they do those things together. I think that it would be different if I had a much older and a much younger child at the same time.
As to your "stages" question ~ I found it great to have hand me down that are current, to have my maternity clothes still be in fashion, to have all of our carseats and whatnot still work as they are within the safety period and not expired or whatnot. So yes, I find it really easy to be in this stage all at once, before we move as a family into the next stage (School years etc) ~
It also kept me from being perfectionistic ~ I don't know how to word this correctly, but it kept me from considering my first, or any of my subsequent children as the sole center of the universe. It put some of the idealistic parts of parenting on the back burner and freed me from unrealistic expectations or compete child centeredness. For me, that was a good thing for me, and helped me maintain balance.
I know that it isn't for everyone but I would not change a second of the way our children have been spaced
GL with whatever you decide!
. So much depends on your personal likes/dislikes, how you work with your partner, the personalities of the kids, etc.
And really, I can totally see the advantages of an even larger (5+) age gap, too, now that I see my 8 yo and how she interacts with the 2 yo.
