What do you think is the best age-gap for spacing children? - Page 3

[Teenytoona]

I love looking at these things from a double perspective, as an adult sibling and as a parent. Both experiences factor in to my answer.

As a sibling, my older sis is 1 year 4 months older than I am, my younger 13 months. The 8 of us are similarly close in age range except my youngest sister, who's 3 years apart from the youngest brother. I played most with the oldest of our brothers who is not quite 3.5 years my junior. I love having siblings close in age as an adult. But I was not the closest friend to them gorwing up. In fact my sisters and I were often squabbling over things like sweaters and such. Now I'm closest to the youngest who's a bit more than 11 years younger than I am. In growing up, it's nice to have siblings close in age, but as an adult, the age range seems to matter less than it did as a kid.

As a parent, my 2 youngest step children are about 2.5 years apart and they really get along very well, (besides the occassional fight). I don't know about the newborn stage, but even as a step mom DSD as a baby and DSS as a toddler were manageable. But, they're really very easy going kids. Now, with DD I'm SO glad that DSD is 6 years and DSS is 8.5 years older than her because a. the big kids are so helpful at this age and b. DD is one high maintenance kid. I don't think if I wanted another kid that I'd be having one for several years. However, if she were a mellow kid like DSD was, then I'd probably have considered having another kid closer in age. But we're done having kids, so that's a moot point. But I will say, I'm so glad that I don't have an older toddler with this younger one because life would be hard. I'm glad that the kids can pick up on a rough moment and do something silly and goofy to distract DD from yet another tantrum. She adores the dickens out of the big kids.

My overall consensus is that it comes down to the parent's comfort range with their resources and the needs of the child/ren. As an adult, it doesn't matter how close in age my siblings are to me because the age difference is less important now. Parent to the best of your abilities and it will all pan out, no matter the range in the siblings.

[MtBikeLover]

My kids are 23 months apart and I love it. I work full time and haven't found it to be an issue at all.

My kids are very close and love to play with each other, which is one of the driving forces between me wanting them that close in age. Another reason I wanted them close in age was so that when we did things, it would be easy to choose age appropriate activities that worked for everyone in the family. We are a very active family and I wanted us all to be able to enjoy activities together (skiing as an example).

[katiesk]

for the kids? i don't know, probably two years or so. for myself? probably five or six years.

[Shannie77]

I am pregnant with number 2 now. Both my DD and this baby will be born in May and will be exactly 3 years apart. I did a lot of "research" to try and find out what the ideal age gap was, and of course so much of it is personal. I weighed the pros and cons of both, and decided that 3 was the very closest I would be willing to go and since I did want my kids to be relatively close in age three is what we went with.

We decided on 3 because, for one I wanted DD to have a full 2 years of breastmilk, she is still nursing but milk dried up right after I got pregnant, despite always having a great supply.

There was really no way I felt physically ready to pregnant in the first 2 years of DD life. I was underweight from all the breastfeeding and constantly tired. I felt like at 2 I finally was able to come up for some air.

I wanted to make sure she was old enough that I would be AS conflicted about giving both kids attention. Right now I can play with DD, by watching her dance, or just overseeing a game - I see that being an asset when I am trying to nurse a new baby. A year ago I always had to be right in there with her all the time.

I wanted to be to a point where DD was sleeping better and done teething. She is just getting her last molars. Teething has been HORRIBLE for DD and I didn't want to be dealing with a new baby and a teething baby.

I like that now at 2.5 she really gets that "our" baby is growing in my belly and she has a real interest in the baby and what it is doing, hearing etc. I am glad she will be old enough to have some idea of what the new baby is to the family etc.

My sister and I were 2 years apart and DH and his sister are 3. We wanted to have kids relatively close together so the odds were in their favour of playing together. I know this isn't always the case, because my youngest 2 sisters are 1 year apart and while they got along they never really clicked.

For us I think 3 will be OK. I am sure there will be times I wish we'd waited longer, but I am hoping once the new baby is 2+ things will be easier.

[Bellabaz]

I only have two. DD1 was 2.5 when dd2 was born. DD1 can dress herself, put on her own shoes, is toilet trained and is generally pretty independent. THis has be key for me. Personally it would be way more stressful if I had two diapers to change, two people to completely dress, etc. But that is just me.

Also like one of the pp said, if dd1 is dancing or drawing I can watch her and talk to her and still give her attention that way while nursing or holding dd2. This also makes it easier as opposed to a new born and a young toddler that you still have to be really hands on with. Some people handle that beautifully. I For me this is better.

[becoming]

I can only tell you my own personal experiences. My older two are 4 years & 4 days apart, and the baby phase with #2 was smooth sailing because DS1 was old enough to understand that she had pressing needs. He was also old enough to do a lot/most things for himself as far as getting dressed, getting a drink for himself, walking by himself in public places, etc. However, as they've gotten older, I find myself wishing they were closer in age. They don't get along very well at all, and I'm not sure if that's because of the large age gap or just because of their personalities. (They are almost identical in personality, which I think causes them to butt heads.)

DD & DS2 are 20 months apart, and that was WAY too close for me. (DS2 was a surprise.) I felt like I was stretched way too thin and that DD didn't get nearly enough attention anymore. I really feel like she was forced to grow up a lot sooner than my boys were But, the flip side is, now they are 4 and 2 1/2, and they are best friends! They play together wonderfully. Again, this may have more to do with personality, though -- DD is very type A personality, and DS2 is laid-back and easygoing, so he mostly lets her take the reins, which makes her happy.

Like others have said, it really really depends on the kids and also on your parenting style. Honestly, in hindsight, I know I would have been a much better parent to an only child, but what do you do?

[EFmom]

I have 19 nieces and nephews, most of whom are older than our kids, and having watched that play out, we decided that about three years difference is optimal. It's worked very well. They aren't so close that they are competitive or get on each other's nerves and fight all the time and they aren't so far apart that they have nothing in common. They like each other's company, but can entertain themselves individually.

[JennTheMomma]

I like the 3ish year age gap.

[Abraisme]

From a technical point of view I have heard the best spacings are less than 2yrs or more than 4yrs. If you have a 2-4 year age gap you're much more likely have have a lot of jealousy.

Mine are 5.5yrs apart and it's been super easy. Both of my kids are pretty easy going, there has been no jealousy from my DS and he's very helpful with the baby.

[Super_mommy]

I say 2 yrs is the idle gap. They will be easy to handle..