"I'm sure that when the schools put together their discipline policies, they do not take into consideration how the children feel."
Greaseball, do you mean all schools? I can assure you that any school that I know thinks very long and hard about how the children feel when they develop their discipline policies.
That is what, ultimately, the vast majority of teachers are all about. How children feel, how they learn, how best to teach them, how best to nurture them. Including their emotional needs. I don't know about AnnMarie's daughter's teacher, but I have worked with literally hundreds of teachers and don't know of many who don't think about how children feel.
You know, most teachers, certainly at elementary level, are mums themselves. They go home to look after their own children. They are painfully aware of how children feel.
My feeling is that you are being very unfair to the vast majority of teachers. I also think that to expect teachers to remember every single child, every single incident, in a day, without ever making a note is totally unrealistic. I keep a notebook in my kitchen to remember things that I have to do during the day at home - and I only deal with my own two children and dh!!
AnnMarie, maybe my information was a red herring and they are not practicing Assertive Discipline. However, I would strongly urge you to go into the school and find out what is exactly going on. Are other children as bothered by this as your dd? How bad does the misdemeanour have to be to get your name written up? What positive reinforcement for good behaviour is the teacher giving alongside this warning system? How often do names actually end up on the board?
I would restate that the idea of going in with information on discipline for the principal or teacher is a really, really bad one. Believe me, she will have read more books and articles on discipline in her time than you could muster up for her. Her response may be polite, but it would be a big mistake in forming a positive relationship with her.
Finally, something that I have been considering personally a lot recently in relation to one of my dds, who is supersensitive, is when I should be protecting her from life's challenges, and when I should be helping her to deal with them. How best can I help her emotional growth? At what point is it necessary for me to step in and protect her? How will I help her to learn to protect herself? What lessons does she need to learn from these sorts of challenges?
A quotation I like is this one:
‘Our responsibility to babies and children is clear; it is not to eliminate stress from children’s lives completely; rather it is to help shape responses to stress that will somehow permit them to live.’
Now, I am not
suggesting that we allow teachers to treat children badly, and humiliate them. However, I do think that often our tendency is to leap in and assume the worst of the school and the teacher, and in doing so we fail to stand back and think about how best to help our children learn and develop from challenges.
First, our job is to find out exactly
what happened, by talking to the adult about it. We need to remember that our children have interpretations that are not necessarily the whole picture. Then, we need to consider whether this is something that needs our input, or whether we can teach our child through the experience to become more resilient.
Again, to clarify, I am not suggesting that children become resilient to abuse. But I am suggesting that sometimes what we see as abuse, isn't. And that sometimes we can help our children better by finding ways for them to deal with situations that they don't like, and to learn the lessons from them.
Now, as I don't know AnnMarie's daughter, her school, or her teacher, all I am doing is putting out suggestions and possible ways to view the situation. But, AnnMarie, I have read your threads and see that you have various issues with your daughter's school at the moment, and realise that you need to tread carefully for your daughter's sake. For self-esteem, it is not good for children to see that every time they face a challenge, mum fixes it. They need strategies to deal with situations themselves, or they can get the message that they are not capable of finding solutions or being resilient, and need someone to constantly sort them out.
Finally, the best education for children is if teachers and parents mutually trust one another and work together. I strongly advise you to go to the school and talk to the teacher about all these issues, and listen to her responses. There are often some complete crossed wires between home and school, and frequently parents have a completely false picture of what is truly happening in the classroom. I say this because I spent 14 years working in education, and if I had a penny for every completely crossed wire, I'd be very happy now.