Burned out, ready to quit, PLEASE MOMS, read and help

[lisa1008]

Hi,

I am reaching 18 months of BF my daughter and it hasn't been easy. She was very high need from the get-go and nursed nonstop the first 4 months. She has yet to sleep more than a 4 hour stretch and while there are parts of BF'ing I find sweet and endearning, I am beat. I have gained (yes GAINED) almost 50 pounds this year. I attribute it to no sleep, larger appetite, inability to reduce carbs like before pregnancy, burned out adrenals/hormones. I look and feel terrible all the time. I tried some nightweaning but her screams overwhelmed me and I live in an apartment. I am desperate and tired and am ready to cut it way, way way down and try to get myself back.

Please help me with any advice you can.

[iowaorganic]

I don't really have any advice but I want to say Wow! You have done so well! 18 months is a long time! I have not been able to bf any of mine that long- If you need to cut way back to get you back- I would say get a cutsy sippy she will like and go for it- it probably won't be pleasant at first- but a happy mama is so important!

[Meredith&Alexander]

Is nursing her less going to make her less needy or more? What else is overwhelming about your life right now besides nursing? Is breastfeeding taking the blame for other facets of your life that are hard right now?

Do you have a partner who is willing to help with nightweaning?

[mckennasmomma]

Have you had your thyroid checked? I know that isn't the advice you came here looking for, but from what you describe I wonder if it could be out of whack. If nothing else, a thorough checkup with your MD or ND may bring to light something else...

If you feel that cutting back on breastfeeding will help, don't feel guilty about it.

[Sunstone]

heya.. I think that breastfeeding should be a positive, beneficial, loving thing for mom and baby- if it feels like it is draining you, then maybe it is time to wean! There is no reason to feel guilty about weaning her after a year and a half.

You could do what I did and just slowly reduce the feeds... my 2.5 year old just weaned with the birth of my second baby because he didn't like the taste of the milk.. but prior to that he had nursed at naptime only- and that I could handle since it gave me a little nap too.

[jilly]

I have been exactly where you are, mama. Remember that once babies are toddlers, they can start to learn that other people have needs too, including mom. In this case, Mom needs sleep, and probably so does your child. Sleep is so essential to your well being, and your well being is essential to your family's health.

I always found that the burnt out feeling was a sign that I needed to scale back on the nursing to a level where I felt balanced again.

If you feel bad about your neighbours, just give them a heads up that there might be a lot of crying for a week or so. They can pick up some earplugs if they need to.

With ds1, it took about 4 days of really bad crying before he settled down, and another week or so before he started sleeping more -- I spent about two weeks walking and rocking him for several hours a night, and then he started just needing a pat on the back or a snuggle to go back to sleep.

With ds2, it took a little longer, more like a month before he was consistently sleeping through without nursing or waking for long periods in the middle of the night.

Hang in there. Hope you find a better balance with your child.

[Megan73]

Are you partnered, Lisa? If so, it sounds like it's time for your partner to step up and take on the nighttime parenting for a while! I bet that if you nightwean or come up with some balance that allows you to get more sleep you'll be a much happier mama - and feel much happier about breastfeeding in general.

[Ellien C]

Every time I got to that point, I set some more limits on nursing. Like only in the morning and before nap or bed. Certainly by 18 months I had nightweaned. By this age, your daughter has lots of receptive language and can understand the concept like 'nursies need to rest' or even "mommy needs to rest." For me it was helpful to provide something else that she could do. I'd let her hold my breast but not nurse on them.

Other ideas I've heard is to give the child a set number of "cards" in the morning and she could turn them in for nursing sessions. There's nothing wrong with settting limits on nursing, especially when you feel this way. It's your bodies way of telling you that you and your daughter are ready to try something different.

[etsdtm99]

i agree with some of the other suggestions - have your partner help at night, see a doctor just in case the weight gain is caused by something else.. and think about whether or not weaning/nursing less would really help you.. i would recommend cutting back, distraction, getting DD to take a cup now and then .. experiment with different foods she might like or a special snack she could have instead of nursing some of the time.. also, lots of one on one attention and non-nursing cuddling time would probably help..

also, when i night weaned my super-needy DD at 18-19 months it only took 2-3 days of her waking up crying.. when was the last time you tried? at 10 and 15 months it totally didn't work for us, but by 18-19 months (i think she was 18.5 months, can't remember exactly) she did fine , sometimes she still woke up, but she didn't cry after the first few nights and after a couple weeks she was sleeping through the night ..

[3girls1boy]

"Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" is a great resource for this time period, even if you decide to initiate weaning. This is a really trying age no matter what. Your child is going between wanting more independence and still really needing mothering. One thing I remember from this book is that if you are ambivalent about your decision, your child will sense this and it can make things more difficult.

[Pookietooth]

You can reduce carbs while bfing. http://forum.lowcarber.org/archive/i.../t-193665.html
http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/wo...tkins-see.html

[Artichokie]

s:

My dd is now 24 mo and started sleeping through the night at around 20 mo. She has been extremely spirited, high needs, and a constant nurser since birth. I never night weaned her. My DH is very supportive and helpful but I am her primary round the clock caretaker. I didn't leave her at all for the first year of her life. We never used a bottle. She still nurses to sleep, during the day, at nap, and at waking. I understand your exhaustion.

I recommend getting extensive bloodwork done, including your TSH and iron levels. Make sure the food you eat is nutritious, you make a concerted effort to stay hydrated, and sleep when you can. I really do understand your level of exhaustion. They are only babies for a relatively short time, but I know it feels like it has been a million years since you last got a full night's sleep. I went through 5 mo of my pregnancy and the first 20 mo of my dd's life with no more that 4 hours of sleep at a time. Hang in there, mama.

Nak.