Weekly chat thread Dec 14th- Dec 20 - Page 5

[Zevy]

Well, I actually slept through a pumping session last night, so I guess my body is smarter than my brain. I normally automatically wake up every 3 hours. This time I slept right through my 6am pumping session and woke up at 8. Pumped right away and still got adequate output. I am pumping about 1 oz/hour, so if I wait three hours I get three oz. Two hours = two oz, etc.

I am feeling better today. Unfortunately it is really snowing and I do have to go to the hospital...I'm supposed to be getting my incision looked at. So my husband is going to drive me in with our son, drop me off, and then come back later in the afternoon to pick me up after our son wakes up from his nap and my husband can shovel again.

But I AM feeling better. Must have been the 'day off' yesterday. So that's good. I know you all are right: I need to take it easy. Easier said than done, though...

[Lauren31]

Yay!!! My husband and I just bought our crib and mattress/pad set!!!! I am so exciteed! The mattress ended up costing more then the crib but whatever. haha It's the safest one and best I could find. I really hope baby is ok with a foam mattress!!! This is starting to feel real. Crazy, isn't it?? Altogether we bought a gently used crib in EXCELLENT condition that is originally like 450 bucks for 120 bucks. So now wonder the mattress was more. All in all we spent 290 dollars. I think that is decent. I am not planning on putting baby in it for at LEAST the first 5-6 months but then we will decide what to do when we meet the baby and figure out it's sleeping schedule.

Also- I checked my baby registry and I got 8 more bum genius 3.0 AIOs!! Yes! THat is like 12 cds before the baby is even born. Fingers crossed I get more cloth diapers off my registry. This is almost better then getting married! hahaha

Lastly a question for you ladies,
I got a really nice sling (like 80 bucks!) from a friend and then also a new moss colored Moby wrap, does it make sense to keep both of them? It's hard to return either one but would I actually use both?? I want to baby wear most of the time although my husband seems to think that is ridiculous and much easier to just put the baby's car seat into the stroller each time bc that is what his mom does (he is 26, oldest of 6 children including a 2 year old brother haha). She also does not breastfeed, eat whole foods, CD or recycle for that matter... so.... I am not sure how reliable her baby raising advice is.

[Keeta]

Originally Posted by Lauren31

Lastly a question for you ladies,
I got a really nice sling (like 80 bucks!) from a friend and then also a new moss colored Moby wrap, does it make sense to keep both of them? It's hard to return either one but would I actually use both?? I want to baby wear most of the time although my husband seems to think that is ridiculous and much easier to just put the baby's car seat into the stroller each time bc that is what his mom does (he is 26, oldest of 6 children including a 2 year old brother haha). She also does not breastfeed, eat whole foods, CD or recycle for that matter... so.... I am not sure how reliable her baby raising advice is.

Yes, yes, keep them both! I'm telling you, different slings are good for different things and at different ages. I didn't use the moby much past the 6 month or so age, but for that particular stage it was THE sling for me. Ring slings are great for kitchen stuff for me when they are a little older and can sit up. And the Ergo or other soft structured carrier is absolutely indispensable as they get bigger and you'll be walking with them (I can successfully nurse in the Ergo, and really appreciate that it distributes the weight over both shoulders). So, no, never ever get rid of a sling until you have tried it out! Everyone's different and has different preferences.

[aramat]

Thanks for all the congrats & well-wishes, everyone (in the other thread). Hopefully will update that thread with all the other details I want to be sure to record, but, meanwhile, I just want to say that PUMPING COLOSTRUM SUCKS. OMG, the pressure to perform!

So Julianna/Giuliana/Juliana (still deciding) received formula this morning. Miscommunication on how much she needed and how soon and what they planned to do, due to my husband/translator apparently not understanding HOW IMPORTANT THIS WAS TO ME and my not understanding enough #$@* Portuguese.

I tried desperately to pump enough for her this morning, but this is something that is IMPOSSIBLE to rush! She needed 10 mL, and I could barely get 1 out! I called my husband and asked him to see if the nurses could wait an hour for me to try again, but they'd already given her the formula. And so I criiiied.

Then my husband shrugged like, "Well, too late now, let it go." But I was very AWARE of this potential scenario and thought we had communicated appropriately, and I felt like I'd let my baby down -- I mean, I don't even have to change diapers right now or anything; my only job is to get her some FOOD. This is dramatic to my husband, because the baby is doing very well, but I'm allowed to be dramatic right now anyway. So many hormones, so many emotions, such a strange shock to not be pregnant anymore, such a terrifyingly tiny little baby.

My doctor gave me a prescription to boost my supply. This feels weird to me, because I know it's normal that my milk isn't in just yet...but BabyWhatsHerName is already taking 10 mL of whatever every three hours, and I've tried 3x's today and gotten almost nothing (4 mL at 6am; 1 mL at 11am; 0 mL at 3pm).

I meant this to be a two-sentence update so I can get some sleep and try to pump again...

She is so small. She is HALF the weights of both of her big sisters. But she is amazing. She is HEALTHY! We are so unbelievably, amazingly, incredibly, shockingly lucky. Some really great genetics from my husband's side, I think. Just amazing to look at her and to touch her. While terrifying at the same time. I know nothing about premature babies, and everything I am learning from the staff comes translated by my husband who DOES NOT REMEMBER DETAILS. Hoping to find some English language books on preemie care somewhere locally this week; shipping from the States could take longer than would make sense to wait.

So, which spelling is better: Julianna or Giuliana?! My husband didn't love the name unless we used the Italian spelling, but now he is finally realizing everyone in BOTH countries will always misspell it...and we don't have it on any official documents yet, so can still choose... But now *I* am partial to "Giuliana" because I've already told EVERYONE this is how her name is spelled... And I like that it IS less common...

She may even be home by Christmas. No signs of infection, is breathing 20-30% oxygen so almost ready for "regular" air... Only have to wait and see if she can coordinate swallowing; right now she is fed with a Gavage tube...

I. Am. Tired.

Zevy, good on you for getting some sleep AND still getting the supply out!

[jul511riv]

Tamara,

Relax. Get in touch with some LLL mamas, even via the internet in the USA for the support you need. It's normal. Healthy. Just fine. Your milk will be coming in very soon. Your body knows EXACTLY what to do and when to do it. The formula was not necessary, but it doesn't matter one lick. Just get you and your baby out of there and play whatever game you need to play to make that happen ASAP!!!

Little babies are teeny tiny. My son was born totally full term and just 5.5 lbs (2500-2600g) my daughter was about 6lbs. I have tiny babies and I can tell you from experience that it doesn't take much for those babies to start getting VERY BIG...VERY FAST. You just keep doing your thing, pumping. Try and bring her to the breast. Kangaroo care is really important, so fight to hold her as much as you can. Put her against your bare skin and just let her listen to your heart beat. That's it. Simple. ANd babies who get that get bigger faster, nurse better, and have better oxygen and heart rates than babies that don't. I don't remember the doc's name but I think he might have been Brasilian...maybe someone can help me, but this is the doc who is the leading authority on kangaroo care. If there are any doubts about it at the hospital where you are then for SURE you are going to want to contact this guy. Mothering did an article about it (email them for the info about the guy and his contact info...or maybe someone else has the issue...?) and get the article to your hospital. Okay?

Meanwhile, relax. Trust in the process here, too. It's NOT what you had in mind, but this is a great lesson in flexibility. This is about playing the cards you were dealt.

My dd and I were playing the dreidal game this Chanukah and my daughter was totally loosing. She was ready to throw in the towel and just totally pouting and feeling like crap and I was like "honey, the game can turn around at any moment. Just play as best as you can with what you've got." And you know what...just like Manolopy or any of those other games, life is totally like that. Sometimes you are on your last dime but then you pass go and collect $200, ykwim? And suddenly you land on Park Ave and you buy it and then you are in the game and all is well. LOL. I guess what I'm saying is that now you are feeling a certain way about the baby, about the birth, about nursing, aobut how quickly this all came on. All valid feelings. Journal about them, by all means. Respect them. But then stay in the game. You need to pump colustrum, fine. You are getting 1oz. Fine. They want 10. Fine. You don't have the $200 right now, but that square is coming up. Eventually, you WILL have plenty of milk. You see what I'm saying. You can see the square, you know you will get there. You've just got to stay in the game until you are there. Have a little fun with this. Guliana/Juliana is super strong. She's gonna stay in the game there, too, G-d Willing. You guys are playing pairs and you will make a totally awesome team. All will be well. You'll share this super happy memory and have a special bond once it is all said and done. Realize that this is NECESSARY on a spiritual level. All will be well.

xoxo

[HappiLeigh]

I vote for Giuliana, but it's a lovely name however you spell it.
Think milky thoughts!! You will have no problem pumping once your milk comes in, hope they can kind of ease off you until then.

Lauren, I'd keep both slings for sure. You don't know which one you'll like best (I actually totally hated wrap-style slings even though they are many people's favorites ), and one may be better for certain positions, etc. Even if they were identical, it's nice to have one you can leave in the car for outings, and one inside your house. Congrats on the deal on the crib!

Zevy, I'm glad you got some rest! This time is going to pass.

My DH has been sick since Friday, but is finally feeling better. Shew! Now I'm on pins and needles hoping I don't get sick too. If I vomited as much as he did I'd be in the hospital for sure.

BUT, I did find a cute house with the realtor this weekend. But she couldn't come see ours to talk about a list price, etc, because of the germies at my house. So we'll see...

[aramat]

Jul511riv, you're a sweetheart... Thank you for your reply. ...I cried...

I am on an emotional/hormonal rollercoaster over here! Up and down like crazy. The milk has become something to obsess over now... But I KNOW my milk will rush in tomorrow or the next day, and we'll be okay.

Next hormonal topic... If your husband goes out drinking with friends and leaves you alone in the hospital for 8 hours, do you enact your revenge IN the hospital, or wait until you get home? Hmm. Dilemma.

[Keeta]

Originally Posted by aramat

Next hormonal topic... If your husband goes out drinking with friends and leaves you alone in the hospital for 8 hours, do you enact your revenge IN the hospital, or wait until you get home? Hmm. Dilemma.

Wherever you can inflict the most damage, IMHO. Geez!

Hugs to you mama. I'm thinking big milky thoughts to you!

[jul511riv]

Originally Posted by aramat

Jul511riv, you're a sweetheart... Thank you for your reply. ...I cried...

I am on an emotional/hormonal rollercoaster over here! Up and down like crazy. The milk has become something to obsess over now... But I KNOW my milk will rush in tomorrow or the next day, and we'll be okay.

Next hormonal topic... If your husband goes out drinking with friends and leaves you alone in the hospital for 8 hours, do you enact your revenge IN the hospital, or wait until you get home? Hmm. Dilemma.

Well, on the up side, you do have something ELSE to obsess over now, which is your dh. lol.

Let me put it to you like this...when YOU begin to treat yourself with respect, the people around you will follow suit.

So, if his behavior didn't feel respectful to you, you will need to talk with him about why it's not acceptable so that he is very clear. And then you will have to lay down your ground rules about what you DO expect from him. And what will happen if he is not able to comply. And then be prepared to follow through.

This, of course, is easier said than done. Unfortunately I"m speaking fromn personal experience here, but in my case it was with the in-laws, and by extention my dh, where after years of just trying to talk it out, I needed to set some very severe boundaries. I didn't forsee anytime that those boundaries would be lifted or agile. But, within a relatively short amount of time, I was able to grow them and relax them a bit. They are still there and strict, but were able to change. It did take a full 6 months or so before I could allow for that. And then, only SOME of the boundaries were movable...and then it was only very slightly. I had to drive a hard line.

I don't know if this is making any sense but if you can get your hands on the book "Toxic Inlaws" then you will start to have an idea. Basically, you'll be taking these precepts and applying them to DH and anyone else who needs them.

Of course, right after giving birth DOESN'T seem like the best time to lay down the law.

On the other hand, it's the most imparative time. The alternative is heart and head ache when you need it the least. If you have clear boundaries and they are violated and your concequence is to...go to a hotel or go to a friends or get a lock on the bedroom door or whatever it is that your concequence will be and you follow through then at least you will have a safe mental space to move forward in the way you need to and you will KNOW that things will be alright because you are in control of them.

Anyways, again, this sounds like more of playing the hand you are dealt. And it's funny how one thing brings out the other. Like, when it rains it pours. But, it IS part of the divine plan and a FABULOUS learning experience. And you wouldn't be in it if you couldn't (and shouldn't) handle it, which does not mean it is EASY or FAIR by any means but only that it is exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment.

SENDING YOU EVEN MORE LOVE AND HUGS.

[NicoleS]

Originally Posted by aramat

Next hormonal topic... If your husband goes out drinking with friends and leaves you alone in the hospital for 8 hours, do you enact your revenge IN the hospital, or wait until you get home? Hmm. Dilemma.

Wait, if you are in the hospital, and DH is out drinking, who is with your other kids?

I won't see my DH in the hospital hardly at all, but that is because he'll have to be home with the other ones...I'd be pretty peeved if he went to hang out with his friends...

[aramat]

Just to finish up this thread -- I can't believe my husband did that yesterday. We've been bickering all day because he doesn't want to apologize because "if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't have minded you going out at all." Idiot. Stupid idiot of idiots. Gawd. Don't even want to talk to him.

But we all deal with stress in different ways, and right now, we are definitely STRESSED. So I understand what he was doing, but, at the same time, WTF, can't he GROW UP!?!? Ugh.

I am SO telling his mother when I next see her! Which will be tomorrow, when we pick up the toddler from her house, YAY! Haven't seen her since the night my water broke! (My older daughter is in the U.S. for school.)