Thanks for all the congrats & well-wishes, everyone (in the other thread). Hopefully will update that thread with all the other details I want to be sure to record, but, meanwhile, I just want to say that PUMPING COLOSTRUM SUCKS. OMG, the pressure to perform!
So Julianna/Giuliana/Juliana (still deciding) received formula this morning. Miscommunication on how much she needed and how soon and what they planned to do, due to my husband/translator apparently not understanding HOW IMPORTANT THIS WAS TO ME and my not understanding enough #$@* Portuguese.
I tried desperately to pump enough for her this morning, but this is something that is IMPOSSIBLE to rush! She needed 10 mL, and I could barely get 1 out! I called my husband and asked him to see if the nurses could wait an hour for me to try again, but they'd already given her the formula. And so I criiiied.
Then my husband shrugged like, "Well, too late now, let it go." But I was very AWARE of this potential scenario and thought we had communicated appropriately, and I felt like I'd let my baby down -- I mean, I don't even have to change diapers right now or anything; my only job is to get her some FOOD. This is dramatic to my husband, because the baby is doing very well, but I'm allowed to be dramatic right now anyway. So many hormones, so many emotions, such a strange shock to not be pregnant anymore, such a terrifyingly tiny little baby.
My doctor gave me a prescription to boost my supply. This feels weird to me, because I know it's normal
that my milk isn't in just yet...but BabyWhatsHerName
is already taking 10 mL of whatever
every three hours, and I've tried 3x's today and gotten almost nothing (4 mL at 6am; 1 mL at 11am; 0 mL at 3pm).
I meant this to be a two-sentence update so I can get some sleep and try to pump again...
She is so small. She is HALF the weights of both of her big sisters. But she is amazing. She is HEALTHY! We are so unbelievably, amazingly, incredibly, shockingly lucky. Some really great genetics from my husband's side, I think. Just amazing to look at her and to touch her. While terrifying at the same time. I know nothing about premature babies, and everything I am learning from the staff comes translated by my husband who DOES NOT REMEMBER DETAILS. Hoping to find some English language books on preemie care somewhere locally this week; shipping from the States could take longer than would make sense to wait.
So, which spelling is better: Julianna or Giuliana?! My husband didn't love the name unless we used the Italian spelling, but now he is finally realizing everyone in BOTH countries will always misspell it...and we don't have it on any official documents yet, so can still choose... But now *I* am partial to "Giuliana" because I've already told EVERYONE this is how her name is spelled... And I like that it IS less common...
She may even be home by Christmas. No signs of infection, is breathing 20-30% oxygen so almost ready for "regular" air... Only have to wait and see if she can coordinate swallowing; right now she is fed with a Gavage tube...
I. Am. Tired.Zevy
, good on you for getting some sleep AND still getting the supply out!