"Carry me Mommy!"

[PiePie]

At 2 y, 3 m, DD is simply to heavy for me to carry her in arms for any distance without hurting my back. I can wear her on my back in the Pikkolo. But she is very specific about wanting to be held in arms. I was always devoted to having children walk (she has been able to go on 3 mile nature walks since was 18 mos. old) and have always hated seeing obese older children zoned out being pushed around in strollers. I am pretty convinced that the carry me thing is about wanting attachment. But if she refuses to walk I have a problem. Lately I have taken to schlepping around the stroller, which is a huge PITA on public transit, and giving her a choice between going in with or without straps. Without straps seems to be making the stroller palatable. DH is very opposed -- thinks it is a physical thing and that not having her walk will beget more not wanting/being able to walk.

My medium-term solution is to have her build up proficiency/stamina on her scooter so that we can take that anywhere. Right now, however, it would be her scootering half the way and me carrying her and the scooter half the way.

Also, DH can carry her physically no problem (on his shoulders), which is part of why he doesn't feel my pain.

Any solutions? Or any insight into the carry me demands? We had about a month of that around when she turned 2 too.

[lolar2]

Until the age of 3, it is very difficult, neurologically, for children to follow along with the moving target of their parents. So they can kind of meander along a nature walk where they stop to look at things along the way and re-orient themselves; or they can run away from and back to a stationary adult, both around 18 months. But walking from point A to point B with an adult requires a lot more brain development. This is a problem that should right itself gradually as your DD gets older, and by the age of 3 1/2 it won't really happen any more (unless the child is exhausted or hurt, of course).

Meanwhile, if you can't carry her in-arms, then you can't. If she absolutely won't get on your back, you could try a stroller or a wagon.

[SeekingJoy]

Do her shoes fit well? Has she dropped any naps recently that would mean she feels extra tired? Does this happen during certain times of the day more often than others?

[PiePie]

lolar2, I mostly do let her meander. I don't let her go in the completely opposite directoin (like to the park instead of the subway), but she stops at every drainage pipe and we sing itsy bitsy spider, she uses curbs as balance beams, runs circles around trees, etc. We also play games where we chase each other, hide, make it to certain landmarks, etc. I confess I am sometimes frustrated with the meandering, but I do go with her pace most of teh time (and when I really have to move, like in an emergency, I will carry her). but you are right, i suspect the nature walks are at a slower pace with no predetermined destination.

[lolar2]

It's great that you let her meander, but while that will help reduce the carry-me's, they won't dissipate completely for about another year because they are a natural stage of human development. The same phenomenon is seen in some apes, where there is a gap between when the babies become fully mobile and when they can follow along with their parents without getting lost or confused. Children under three simply need to be carried sometimes, period, so you have to plan for it or you'll have more backaches rather than fewer.

[PiePie]

seeking joy, shoes fit. tends to happen after school. so she may be genuinely tired. or genuinely needing to reconnect. but not exclusively then. still, if i need to get her home to make dinner we are in a bind. the meandering makes us later and the tantrums to be carried make us later. my refusal to carry her is very recent as the pain just got acute. it is hard to put a tantuming toddler on my back -- she is strong and can resist and i don't want her to fall on the sidewalk and get hurt. the sidewalk near one of the busiest streets in manhattan is also not the best place to have a tantrum. that tantrum was what triggered my whole new stroller toting approach. maybe if i sit in the school and nurse her first (oh, the drama that will ensue when i nip a 2 yo) she will feel reconnected and refreshed and things will go better. i always give/offer her a snack upon pickup which she often accepts.

[PiePie]

lolar, thanks. will think on that. may mean that i need to use the stroller though. what is weird is that she has been doing this amount of walking (same start point and end point) for 15 mos. and now is regressing??

[LaughingHyena]

I have one of these hip seats which I find makes carrying DS much easier. http://www.hippychick.com/

However I still can't carry him very far and so we take the buggy most places. So far it has worked to just tell him he has the option of walking or riding but I can not carry him now.

He does often have a snack and/or drink while in the buggy.

[mamazee]

I agree with lolar. I'd just use the stroller for a while. She'll outgrow it, and so long as she has plenty of time to walk (and run, and play, etc.) as well, it won't lead to obesity.

[Ruthla]

Is it really "regressing" when you were willing and able to carry her for short periods of time up until recently? Even short periods of being carried may have recharged her enough to walk nicely for 90% of the journey.

I'd suggest bringing the stroller when you pick her up from school, even if you don't need to use it at any other time of day. And nursing her at school before walking home is a good idea as well. Who cares what other people think about you nursing a 2yo? I nursed DS wherever and whenever he needed it until he was 3.5 or so- including in the preschool parking lot a few times.

[Breathless Wonder]

This is a children's fiction book, but I thought the ideas were good:
http://www.amazon.com/Will-You-Carry.../dp/1929132743

[Fuamami]

She's probably tired! I'd let go of my judgment about "obese older kids zoned out in strollers" and bite the bullet and use your stroller. I'm sure it's a pain, but a 3 mile nature walk is a lot different from being expected to walk home after a long day at school. I don't think you can expect a 2yo to build up stamina, honestly. Even at 3 they need rest between periods of physical exertion.

[sapphire_chan]

Does she ask dh to carry her?

Combined with your other thread, I'm thinking she needs more connections with you in general. Particularly connections that *you* initiate.

It could even be worth doing something like getting her up for 30 minutes to an hour before you go to bed for nursing and cuddling.


I didn't think umbrella strollers were that bad on public transport. Sure you'll need two seats instead of one, but she's about the age that she'd need her own seat anyhow.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Would a ring sling on your hip help at all? I've recently taken to carrying DS this way when the ergo all seems too hard!

[PiePie]

can no longer do the RS on the hip, it hurts me too much.

the plot thickens: after one day with the stroller, dh is refusing to take it any more. he can't get a seat on the subway so he can't read to her and he just feels too disconnected to her that way. don't get me started about how this makes me but i think i either have to carry the empty stroller to work by myself or rely on the pikkolo. except on days like today when he is out of town and i do both drop off and pick up.

[greenmamapagan]

That sounds tough. I'm sorry your DH vetoed the stroller solution. I do understand how he feels about it though. lolar2's posts were very interesting to me. I stopped being able to carry DD anymore than about 5 steps at 20ish weeks pregnant when she was about 2.75. She's 3.5 now and I've definitely noticed that we have developed a much easier walking "groove" in the last few months even though she's been walking everywhere for almost a year. DD and I always "meandered" as you described but when I realised I really just couldn't carry her anymore I started packing extra food and drink on our travels and whenever she asked more than once to be carried I'd suggest we stop for a rest. Then I'd offer food/drink while we sat. Yes, we sat in the middle of the footpath in the city. Maybe strange but you know what? I was pregnant and darn tired too. Carrying her would have led to something far more embarrasing like me fainting or falling over. After a couple of weeks she would ask to stop for a rest instead of asking to be carried. Then she really did only ask to be carried if she was seeking connection. Which I also found could be met on a rest stop by having her sit in my lap.
I'd definitely offer to nurse before you start your walk. You might find she is more amenable to being on your back if she nurses first for reconnection.

[Super_mommy]

Try telling her that your back hurts & how she is a big girl.

She will understand when she realizes that you are in pain.

You could carry her sometimes but not all the time.