Trying to Say No to Gossip - Page 2

[AngelBee]

This is something that has been on my heart a lot lately too.

[kangamitroo]

I was so glad to see this question/topic posted. while visiting family recently, I found I was sucked right in to this and felt awful after. I also felt uncomfortable when others were gossipy--but I did not know how to respond properly. I have been working on watching my tongue for a while (with anger, patience), but this is a helpful focus.

there is a talk on this topic, Islamic in perspective but I think others would also find it very interesting. It is called "Idle Chatter," given by Khalid Latif on 4 april 2008 at the NYU Islamic Center. (Note for non-muslims: there is a very very brief arabic bit at the beginning, which is then translated.)

glad to have MDC mamas to learn and grow with.

[Panserbjorne]

excellent thread topic. I make this promise all the time and never quite manage to see it through. I am in, and definitely need the support!

[hotmamacita]

Originally Posted by umsami

Thanks very much Hotmamacita... I need all of the prayers I can get. It amazes me the more I try to get away from it... the more I notice it. It seems like it's such a normal part of everyday American life. (Although I doubt other countries are immune.)

My pleasure. I love to pray for and encourage women.

[Attila the Honey]

How are we all doing? I am struggling, oh how I am struggling.

[Nazsmum]

A family situation is making it very hard!!! I wish I know what I could do.

[ThirdEyeMom]

It is late...just some thoughts to share on the topic:

I have never like gossip and I go out of my way to avoid it whenever possible. I have overheard gossipy things and in those instances, it goes no further than me. On several occassions I have asked the gossip-monger [harsh, but accurate term] to change the subject. It is that simple to request. I believe that by gossiping the refection is on the character of the gossiper, not on the one being gossiped about. A co-worker once posted this quote on his workstation following an accusation made about him:
“Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people." It is an Eleanor Roosevelt quote.
Put this way, how would one like to be held in regard?

I am a Roman Catholic who strayed away for several decades and I have returned to my faith. In doing so, I have reexamined my path and how I view things. God said the greatest commandment is "Love one another." From this the Ten Commandments are a waterfall subset. One of the Ten Commandments is "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor." That message is very clear to me! The nuns taught us that when we gossip that we "steal another's good name".

Another quote to reflect upon. It applies to many situations, I think, to keep ourselves in check:
"The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings…
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become."
Buddha (563 BC - 483 BC), Dhammapada

Happy belated New Year and good luck with the resolutions!

[lilyka]

good thread. This came up while I was talking with my priest last night.

Not only my struggle with gossiping about people but when other people are gossiping about a particular friend I don't defend her or put a top to the conversation. (granted I am not always sure what to say when what they are saying is true and she gives them LOTS to gossip about. ) but at the very least i could walk away and refuse to hear it. or change the subject or something.

as we were talking about it I relized my core problem is not how much I gossip (I really do not gossip that much but any is too much) but how much I talk in general. How many times do I open my mouth just to talk. and idle talk is going to lead you to sinful places. it just is. so my goal for the next couple months is to be mindful of how much I talk and is what I am about to say really neccesary. (which is tricky because chattering on is part of my job....I actually got points off on my last review for not blathering on enough ) take a breath before saying anything. I do relize the irony of saying this on a messege board....

I think one of the reasons we enjoy celebrity gossip and hold it to a different level than friend or family gossip is that we don't always think of them as people with real lives. they are these things - celebrities. I think the first step is remembering these are real people, connected to real people, who have real feelings and real problems.

the stuff from jewfaq was a high bar indeed. but I do not mind bars so high I may never reach them. I don't feel condemned when I cannot reach them. i just keep stretching. for every inch closer is victory.

[donttrustthesystem]

Gossiping recently fell away from my life when I found out about Law Of Attraction last fall. It just naturally and gradually slipped away as I switched over to living with and studying LOA. I would recommend the book A Complaint Free World as a simple intro to stopping. It's a very good book. Some people have also slipped out of my life, because as I resonate on a different, much more positive frequency, there is no connection any more. They are still on the same negative frequency I was at before. If they're not ready/willing to stop, there is going to be some growing apart, which is okay.