Who IS this child?

[hmbill]

I don't post often, but I am seriously at my wit's end with my 3 year old and I don't know what to do. I know that part of the problem is that in the past 6 months we've moved to a new state, welcomed twins into our home and he has started preschool (with the hope that it would give him some time away from the babies)...it's a lot of change for anyone to deal with! But recently we've had the worst temper tantrums and it's honestly making it impossible for me to go out with the kids by myself because how do I deal with a tantruming 3 year old with one baby strapped to my chest and the other in the stroller? He's also having very intense emotional responses to everything...example, this morning his bowl tipped over and some of his snack spilled and he completely freaked out. He was generally a very happy kid...always has been and we've pretty well sailed through until now. I try to spend one-on-one time with him when the babies are napping and I'd love to be able to intervene before the tantrum gets out of control, but sometimes I just can't because I'm nursing or whatever and sometimes it just comes out of nowhere and catches me by surprise. I'm home by myself with these three kids with no chance of getting any help any time soon and I'm stretched to the max, so I'm finding it especially difficult to deal with these situations. Anybody have any advice? I'm beginning to wonder if AP is really possible with 3 kids 3 and under!

[BigC]

You guys have had a lot of changes lately. Your DS is probably pretty stressed out. Take a hard look at day care. The methods they are using or the teachers themselves might be causing problems for your son.

When we put our son in a new daycare at 2.5 he started having tremendous tantrums. It turns out they were giving him time-outs. Our solution was that I became a SAHD to take care of him and his newborn brother.

[sapphire_chan]

1. 3 is hard. Really, every other 6 months from about 1 year to 5 years are hard, so for some kids it's tough to be 2.5 and 3.5 but 2 and 3 are easy-peasy, for others, like your son, the world falls apart at 2 and 3.

2. Starting school for the first time is hard.

3. Getting one new sibling is hard, twin siblings is more than twice as hard.

4. Going away from mama at all is hard, having it happen on a large scale because of school and siblings, is even tougher.

The question isn't so much why is your ds having meltdowns as why he's ever *not* having meltdowns?

Which leads to your solution. What are the circumstances where he's okay and what can you do to help lengthen those times or to make other times more like those times?

Remember, he isn't tantruming to make your life difficult or to embarrass you or anything like that, he's tantruming because he's feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.

I wish I had a magical answer for you. On the plus side, there's a very good chance that it'll all be better in 6 months :

[hmbill]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

The question isn't so much why is your ds having meltdowns as why he's ever *not* having meltdowns?

THANK YOU for saying that!! It's really difficult to focus on the right thing sometimes and this is exactly what we need to focus on! Believe it or not, this IS the magical answer to fix my attitude about the situation. Now to just figure it out!

[colsxjack]

I don't have 3 kids under three, or even two kids for that matter.
I recently read an article about something like this recently and so thought I would share what I took from the article.

Sometimes kids do well going to pre-school when a new sibling comes along as they seem to like to get away from the baby and socialize more. And then some kids do not do well going off to pre-school when a new sibling comes along because it makes them feel even more usurped by the new addition. I guess it comes down to a personality thing for the most part.


Another bit of advice the article had was to talk to your new baby about the older sibling. Stuff like "wow, look what your big brother Billy can do. He can jump really high!" and that way you are interacting with the babies while letting the toddler do what they love...get attention and show off their skills.

Good Luck.