Too attached??? Tell me if this is normal

[Olives]

I'm a first time Mom to a beautiful 4 month old girl. She is exclusively breastfed, we cosleep, and I'm a stay at home Mom. I do leave about twice a week for classes and she will take a bottle grudgingly of expressed breast milk from her Dad during that time.

My issues is she doesn't ever want to be put down and won't sleep unless I'm wearing her or she is touching me either with me laying next to her or she is on the boppy. I can't get anything done... she won't even put up with tummy time for more than a minute or two. How do I at least get her to sleep away from me for naps? Every time I try to transition her away from me she wakes with in 5 minutes and winds up grumpy the rest of the day because she didn't get enough rest. If I keep this up will she ever nap on her own... of so at about what age will this happen? Also is it even realistic of me to expect her to play on a play mat for 5-10 minutes?

I'm pretty much the only attached Mom I know so the advice I get in from friends and family is always a cry it out method... and that I'm spoiling her by sleeping with her. Or that I'm crazy for not getting a sitter yet...

Any advice would be helpful even if this is completely normal behavior...

[Kelly1101]

You're not spoiling her. You can't spoil a baby, they don't yet have the psychological development to make that possible. Don't worry on that account. Holding your baby when she cries IS the right thing to do and will make her more secure and independent when she grows, not less, because she will trust you.

The "won't nap unless I'm touching her" thing is pretty common, I think, and it usually is a phase. Especially at four months old, which is a really rough month for sleep in general. My daughter went through a phase like that, and got back to having good naps at about 5.5-6 months. At nearly 8 months now, she sleeps just fine. I remember the frustration, though.

As for what you can do to make it better right now... well, she may just have to grow out of it. Do you an have infant swing (one that's more reclining than sitting)? For a few weeks when she was doing that "wake up after five minutes" thing, she would actually stay down if I laid her in the infant swing and set it to swing very slowly (level 1 or 2). Other than that, if she naps good while you're wearing her, wear her as much as possible, and know that this, too, will pass Usually by the time she's 5-6 months old.



As far as tummy time, it's normal for small babies not to like it. It's frustrating for them, they can't crawl yet or do anything. Some moms skip it altogether. I always tried to let her get a little tummy time in, just so that she'd get some work on those muscles. If she fussed really bad, I'd lay down on the floor or bed and put her tummy-down on MY tummy. That usually stopped the fussing right away. Or even just lay down beside her, help her play with the toys.


4 months is a tough age. They aren't tiny babies anymore, they want to start getting up and moving around, but they don't have the strength or coordination yet. By 6 or 7 months, when she starts hitting more milestones, it will be a whole different situation, and a lot better for both of you.

Hang in there. You're doing it right.

[gossamerwindweb]

She is only working on instinct... just like AP is. Instinctual. Think about if you lived in the wild somewhere with predators and dangerous people around. Would it be safe for your baby to sleep away from you? No? Then why, instinctually, would she want to if she knows you will respond to her protests? She doesn't know that you are in a safe warm house without any predators around! That has been my husband's mantra since our daughter was a very attached baby... and same with our son HTH!

[mckittre]

I think it's totally normal. My 10 month old still prefers to sleep on mom (or being worn), though now he'll often let me slip away after nursing him. I came and asked these questions when he was little too - found out it was normal, and decided to go with the flow. It's been a gradual transition to greater and greater independence. Your baby will probably be more tolerant of playing on her own for a bit the more she can do for herself (like sitting and playing with toys, once she can sit). Now that my guy can crawl and cruise, he can occupy himself for a long time without me.

If you need your hands free while she's napping (or awake), why not wear her? My wrap has been hands-down the most useful baby tool I've owned, and there are lots of other good carriers out there too. If you put baby on your back, she won't even really get in the way of doing stuff. How else do you think moms have been managing for the last several thousand years?

[YayJennie]

It sounds within the normal range to me. Every baby is different, and I think the key is to just follow your baby's lead and do what you feel is best. If it doesn't bother you to co sleep and hold her for naps, by all means, do it! I have had the same experience where people tell me I'm crazy for holding my son for all his naps. But if I hold him for naps, he gets a solid nap, wakes up happy, and I feel good. If I don't, we're both miserable. So it works for us. And that's what is important.

At that age, I believe I could put my son down for a bit, but that is when he started to need to be held for every nap (he'll sleep without me at night, but we had to work on that. I hold him for naps, then put him to sleep in our bed around 6, and he sleeps in our bed alone until I come to bed around 10, and we cosleep the rest of the night). Babies change so much, there's no saying that next month she'll be fine sleeping on her own, without you changing a thing. I wouldn't worry that holding her for sleep is making it so she'll never sleep on her own. You're just taking care of her needs. As long as it's working for you both, then I say there's nothing wrong with it. And with my son, although he still prefers to be held for naps and naps much better and longer, now, at 9 months, he will sleep on his own if I need him to.

And as far as her playing alone for a few minutes, it's not unreasonable to expect that, but again, different babies need different things. It was summer when my son was that age and we would go out on the porch and I'd sit him in a bouncer seat and he would be content for quite awhile, but inside he got bored easier and wouldn't "play" alone. Just try lots of different things to see what will keep her happy without you needing to hold her. And again, if it works for you, there's nothing wrong with just holding her all the time! She'll be sitting up and crawling so soon, enjoy the newborn stage while it lasts!

That's my 2 cents, hope it helped.

[Blueone]

My son was like that last month, he's slowly outgrowing it again. It comes in waves. It's a tough phase. He's just recently started liking tummy time but now he gets mad because he'll roll onto his tummy but can't figure out how to roll back or how to crawl.

You're daughter is learning about the world still and as my husband put it when I was really frustrated with him wanting to be held all the time, "he's spent more time in you that outside of you." So just keep that in mind. When she was in you she was with you all the time and she's just starting to learn that she's a separate person from you.

Good Luck and before you know it she'll want to be on the go and not want to be held nearly as much and part of you will miss it.

[Abraisme]

Originally Posted by Kelly1101

You're not spoiling her. You can't spoil a baby, they don't yet have the psychological development to make that possible. Don't worry on that account. Holding your baby when she cries IS the right thing to do and will make her more secure and independent when she grows, not less, because she will trust you.

The "won't nap unless I'm touching her" thing is pretty common, I think, and it usually is a phase. Especially at four months old, which is a really rough month for sleep in general. My daughter went through a phase like that, and got back to having good naps at about 5.5-6 months. At nearly 8 months now, she sleeps just fine. I remember the frustration, though.

As for what you can do to make it better right now... well, she may just have to grow out of it. Do you an have infant swing (one that's more reclining than sitting)? For a few weeks when she was doing that "wake up after five minutes" thing, she would actually stay down if I laid her in the infant swing and set it to swing very slowly (level 1 or 2). Other than that, if she naps good while you're wearing her, wear her as much as possible, and know that this, too, will pass Usually by the time she's 5-6 months old.



As far as tummy time, it's normal for small babies not to like it. It's frustrating for them, they can't crawl yet or do anything. Some moms skip it altogether. I always tried to let her get a little tummy time in, just so that she'd get some work on those muscles. If she fussed really bad, I'd lay down on the floor or bed and put her tummy-down on MY tummy. That usually stopped the fussing right away. Or even just lay down beside her, help her play with the toys.


4 months is a tough age. They aren't tiny babies anymore, they want to start getting up and moving around, but they don't have the strength or coordination yet. By 6 or 7 months, when she starts hitting more milestones, it will be a whole different situation, and a lot better for both of you.

Hang in there. You're doing it right.

Sounds normal to me!

[texaspeach]

sounds just like my almost 4mo ds, who is currently asleep on my lap

we are working on naps though. There are certain things I'd like to be able to do while he sleeps that I can't while wearing him (clean cat boxes, cook, unload the dish washer..)

I'm reading the no cry sleep solution right now. I absolutely won't let him cio and the author does not suggest that but does give suggestions on different things to try

[ann_of_loxley]

Completely normal!
You can not spoil a baby.
You are not making a 'rod for your own back' either.
Some children are naturally more 'clingy' than others. All these things pass - phases change. They come and go. You might find in a few months time she will want nothing ot do with you and you will miss that she used to! hehe

One word for you though - sling. A few of them perhaps. There is nothing you can't do in a sling. Both your needs can get met then - your babys need to be held and close to you at all times and your need to get things done! hehe

If its helps any - you can read some books on attachment parenting. Know why you do what you do! Natural physiological, psycological, emotional (the list goes on) development of your baby is being met and nourished by practicing attachment parenting (holding her as she wants to be held, not leaving her to cry, breastfeeding as desired, co sleeping as desired, etc).

[artgoddess]

"this too shall pass"

Advice given a lot but worth repeating in this situation. She'll eventually be able to nap solo, and every baby is different as far as time frame goes. Whenever I got frustrated with not being able to unload the dishwasher or whatever it helped me to remember that when she's a teenager. She won't want to snuggle so much. That change in attitude never really helped me get any more done. But it did help how I felt about not getting things done.

[Thalia the Muse]

Four months is still really a young baby, and my DD was really demanding at that age -- didn't want to be put down, didn't want to be held SITTING down, she wanted to either leave the house or be carried, facing out so she could see, ALL THE TIME. She was just an alert, high-stimulation kid. And I wasn't the AP'est of all moms, either (we didn't cosleep, for instance), this was just her personality!

If it's any consolation, she got a lot more interested in playing on the floor for a few minutes when she could DO stuff -- roll over both ways, grab and mouth toys, explore more. Until then, she was depending on a grown-up to take her to the things she wanted to explore, and show her the world.

I second the posters who suggest taking her outside a lot, if that's possible -- I had a summer baby, so I know that's easy for ME to say, but it really made this stage much easier with my daughter. Even inside places were OK, especially if there were lots of other people around to look at. And I found I could go out to lunch with friends and we'd put her somewhere where she could see the action, and she'd nurse then happily sit in the stroller looking at things until she passed out. It might work for you!

[slimkins]

I like this thread. My little guy used to nap on his own, even if only for 45 minutes at a time, no problem until about a week ago. Now, he wants to be held through most of them. He, too, is right around 4 months. I wasn't sure why this was happening, so, it is good to see that this is a tough age for them. He's also teething, not sure if it is the same for your LO.

[FrugalGranolaMom]

Originally Posted by slimkins

I like this thread. My little guy used to nap on his own, even if only for 45 minutes at a time, no problem until about a week ago. Now, he wants to be held through most of them. He, too, is right around 4 months. I wasn't sure why this was happening, so, it is good to see that this is a tough age for them. He's also teething, not sure if it is the same for your LO.

I'm in exactly the same situation! glad to see that I'm not the only one and that apparently this phase will pass. Hang in there

[BrittneyMarie]

DD is 14 weeks and has never napped or slept at all on her own. at least not for me. she'll fall asleep on dh and then he puts her in her swing and she sleeps for awhile, but he doesnt help out too often. i'd say, while under my care (which is 95% of the time) she hasnt been out of my arms, aside from sleeping beside me, for more than a 15 minute stretch so far. shes a very needy baby.